How often do you think, I’ll be happy when__________? (fill in the blank)
If you are like most of us you might have had a few thoughts like these:
* When I have a man in my life that loves and adores me and makes me feel special (whether you’re in a relationship or single) …THEN I’ll be happy.
* When I have enough money saved to make me feel secure…THEN I’ll be happy.
* When I drop that 10 extra pounds I’ve been carrying for the past 5 years…THEN I’ll be happy.
And sometimes “when” arrives and sometimes it doesn’t. In the meantime our lives are slipping thru our fingers like the sands of time. Yikes!
What “when’s” do you have in your life? Think about it for a minute and write them down.
Are you tying your happiness to a condition?
Don’t feel bad if the answer is yes, most of us do! Myself included.
When I was younger, from the time I was 15-28, my weight was a huge struggle. I was forever trying to say sayonara to an extra 25-40 pounds (and trust me on a 5’3” small boned frame, that was significant!). I dreamed of stepping on a scale, peering down and seeing the dial stop at 110 lbs.…ahhh THEN I would be happy, thrilled…ecstatic!!!
Suffice it to say I went on countless diets to get me there including a week of eating nothing but German chocolate cake (did I mention they were mostly unhealthy? Geeeez!). Every morning when I woke up I would run to the bathroom, step on the scale and if that reflecting number wasn’t inching it’s way down toward my goal weight I would instantly slump into a bad mood. In a split second I would go from anticipation to anger and frustration letting the number on the scale affect my whole day.
I was totally postponing my happiness; making it conditional. I wanted out of that vortex but I didn’t know what to do to end the mindset that was creating the disconnect to happiness.
Until one day I discovered the secret. I understood how to bypass the condition and stay in that joyful, happy state no matter what!
There are 3 ways you can step out of condition-based happiness:
- Let go of any attachment to the outcome. This applies to every area of your life. Do your best without any strings attached. When we allow things to flow we stay in a higher more expansive energy – we are able to stay in a state of joy. So in my case, adapting a way of eating that took the focus off weight loss and put it on feeling nourished and healthy brought great happiness. Ironically the weight came off because I stopped obsessing about food and ate only when I was hungry.
- Let go of trying to change someone or a situation. We can never change someone else – in fact the more we try the more likely we are to run up against walls and feel frustrated. However, we do have the ability to change who we are being. This comes from within – it’s a choice, a decision. You can declare – “I can change how I’m going to be today. This day I will be the BEST version of me.” Step into this and watch your happiness level soar!
- Stay connected to God/Universe/The Divine. When things don’t go the way we want or expect we can feel defeated, deflated and discouraged. You will know this is happening because you will feel contracted or shrunken inside. From this state happiness is far, far away. Instead all you have to do is connect with God, feel His Love and you will instantly feel a beautiful peace sweep thru your body. Do this and you will stay in a higher vibration.
Next time you start to entertain the belief that you can only be happy when __________ (fill in that blank) happens whip out your 3 secret weapons: no attachment to the outcome, know you can change who you’re being, stay connected to God. Embrace these success tips and you will live with greater happiness and joy! You can do it!!
When was the last time you experienced romance in your relationship? If you and your man are like the majority of couples, you’re experiencing a romantic rut. Let’s face it, doing the same things over and over again can become a bit boring. The same old routine can leave you feeling like there’s something missing. And truth be told, there is something missing—your creative passionate expression!
There are so many different facets to who you are as a sensual woman, once you discover and unleash them into your life and relationship you will feel energized, empowered, ultra- feminine and happier.
Would you like to learn how to protect yourself from the negative people in your world?
Because let’s face it, we all know someone who’s gloom and doom, or thrives on drama, is a chronic complainer or gossips behind your back and if we’re not careful we can get sucked into the undertow.
This can be especially challenging if it’s a loved one, parent, sibling, good friend or co-worker.
I have a client who shared she is struggling with this right now. Every conversation she has with her soon to be ex is laced with venom. After each interaction she feels herself falling down into the rabbit hole and has a hard time getting out. She gets stuck in all the nasty negativity letting it affect her work, happiness, parenting abilities and overall quality of life.
Wouldn’t you like to be Teflon to whatever is going on in your surrounding circumstances? To stay centered and happy – letting others have their experience and not letting their experience have you?
It is possible.
Eleanor Roosevelt said, “All the water in the world can’t drown you unless it gets inside.”
That’s where the bubble comes in.
My best friend and I have been using this technique for 20 years and we love it! Not only is it a fun way to deflect bad juju, it turns it into love AND it works!!!
How to create the bubble:
It’s a very simple process. All you have to do is imagine a bubble forming around you, encasing your entire body. Assign a color and thickness to it – I like to use blue with a thickness of 4”. Many people use white and I invite you to choose a color and thickness that makes you feel safe.
Once you have it in place say, “This bubble is permeable ONLY to that which is in my highest good. Everything else bounces off and goes back to love.”
That said there are times not so great things slip in so that we can grow and evolve. Be confident in the knowing that whatever gets in is for our highest good.
Our true nature is LOVE so it’s possible if something negative comes into your bubble it’s stirring up something that’s unlike love – something that needs healing so that you can be more in alignment with love.
If you would like to set yourself up for protection all day you can put this on in the morning, or if it’s situational, it only takes a moment to create.
Voila – now, if you find yourself in the presence of someone who is spewing some ugly energy you can let them be in that space and you don’t have to be in it with them – you can stay in your bubble of safety and love :)!
Mother’s Day is still a little rough, even though my mom’s been gone for five years now I still think of her every day. But this is an extra special time to cherish and honor her memory. So I picked out some flowers I thought she would like – red being her favorite color I chose a beautiful ruby orchid plant…and a single red rose. As I laid them on the grave-site I was flooded with beautiful warm memories of all the loving things she did for me.
One memory in particular always stands out for me – it was Valentine’s Day and my husband at the time, was out of town. I was in the kitchen and heard a knock on the front door. When I answered my mom was standing there, smiling, with a plate of homemade chocolate heart shaped cupcakes frosted in pink with red sprinkles. She had driven 30 minutes to deliver her loving surprise face to face and give me a big hug. I was so touched I cried…I miss my mom a lot. She was always doing sweet things like that and it made me realize she was always thinking of others and doing very little for herself…it was lovely to be able to sit and honor her memory with so much gratitude.
And it made me think – what about you? Whether you are a mother or not, are you a good mom to you – honoring, nurturing and nourishing yourself? Or are you like my mom and so many other women, doing very little for you and putting yourself last?
Are you blaming yourself and feeling like a failure for relationships that have gone awry? Here is the answer you have been looking for.
Over the years, I have watched my clients, friends and even strangers take the hit for relationship problems – feeling like they weren’t enough, obsessing over past conversations and beating themselves up with thoughts like, “if only I hadn’t said that, or done that or asked that question – maybe he wouldn’t have had that affair or left.”
So hooked into their past perceived faux pas’s they are riddled with anxiety and plagued with toxic thoughts. Although they deeply desire love, they’ve safely tucked their hurting hearts behind a wall of armor.
Ahhh man…can you relate to this?
I have a question for you?
Have you given the happiness of your heart to someone who is either no longer with you or doesn’t deserve that precious gift? Are you blaming yourself for the failings of your lost love?
If you answered yes, you are not alone. Many women are in the same boat. I too mistakenly placed responsibility for my happiness squarely on the shoulders of someone else in the past but thankfully I learned the tools to reclaim my Diamond Power and today I know my value and am passionate about helping women own their sparkling worth.
Why is it important to make peace with past or troubled relationships? Simple. Now that the bond is broken, your ability to regroup and rebuild your self-esteem will go much faster if you appreciate the good and the bad that your relationship brought to your life. Yes, even the BAD. That will allow you the freedom to start enjoying your life again.
If your Ex or partner behaved badly, or broke your heart you may not want to let go of the “he did me wrong” song and hey I know it hurts to be deceived and rejected but it hurts more to hang onto it. I bet you anything that you got so involved with him and his life that you have taken all the focus off your wonderful self. You are beautiful and amazing and deserve a love-filled life!
It is time for YOU!
Here is a short Self-Respect quiz to check it out:
- When is the last time you congratulated yourself for something you did or do you always see what you didn’t get done?
- Do you notice when you are tired and stop to nurture yourself or are you driven to manic activity with no rest?
- Are you an over achiever pushing yourself constantly and never feeling good enough?
- Do you compare yourself to others and see yourself as less than they are?
- Are you stuck blaming him for your low self-esteem?
In other words, do you respect, love and totally accept yourself?
If you don’t treat yourself well, no one else will either. You teach others how to respect you by how you respect yourself.
You will find clues in life patterns that started in childhood.
How did your parents treat each other – were they respectful? If judging and blaming was the norm, chances are you suffered from emotional and verbal abuse, not because your parents meant to harm you but because they were blind to how their actions were impacting you.
If the only time you got positive attention was when you accomplished something, you can bet you confused those accolades for LOVE.
Women who battle performance addiction and are insatiable people pleasers are my favorite clients! Once you know how to unleash your God-given spark…what you were put here to express, there is no holding you back!
Even though as a child, you didn’t have the ability to sort out fact from fiction and believed everything your parents and authority figures told you, once you find your sparkle, your truth, you will finally see that their beliefs were based on THEIR experiences and had nothing to do with you at all.
The truth is, they meant no harm—they were just repeating the patterns they grew up with. The big difference is that you are reading articles like this. You WANT to change your patterns. You WANT to find LOVE and SELF RESPECT.
What you must get is that your current view of yourself is not who you are. The reality is you were born perfect. A shimmering diamond of light vibrates at the core of your being. This is your true identity – your Diamond Power.
This unique essence, your truth, is so incredibly SPECIAL and VALUABLE that when you start to claim it, you feel the Real Love you were born to experience. And that is the ultimate freedom.
Here is a short exercise to help you take steps right now to find that Inner Sparkle that will set you free to find the Love you deserve:
Sit in a comfortable chair and take in several deep breaths. Allow your body to relax and sink into the chair. Imagine a beam of pure, sparkling Divine white light coming down from the heavens and shining on you like a spotlight on a dark stage.
See the darkness around you and feel the warmth and comfort of this pure light. Now let the light enter in to the top of your head illuminating you from within. Imagine this light dropping to the core of your Being, see your heart light up just like a Tiffany diamond showcased under the brightest of lights.
Like a lotus flower of light, notice how the facets of this gem open into new waves of sparkling electricity with every breath. Repeat this simple phrase 7 times. “I am open to the magnificence that is me.” Each time you connect to this energy, you will feel a deeper connection. Once you turn your attention inward and seek your Divine Diamond Spark, the past will be the farthest thing from your mind and heart 🙂
Love is the meaning of life. And today I am full up!!! I’m heading down to Laguna Beach to lead my first women’s retreat, Soul Sparkle, and I’m over the moon excited and thrilled for all the women who said yes to the calling in their soul to bring more nurturing and self-love into their life. To take four days to love on themselves and have some fun with this spiritual adventure.
What about you? Do you know how to fill yourself up with love? And hey, you don’t have to go to a retreat to do this, there are so many other ways! But if you answered no, you are not alone. We often think we do but the truth is many of us run around on empty, looking to others to fill us up with that warm and toasty expansive feeling of love. Not realizing we have the power to do this ourselves – and it’s easy!
There is one source of love – it’s so simple and that source of love is there for everyone to dip in to, to try on, to bask in, to explore deeply. What usually happens though is we get so busy, so involved in our own lives, so self focused on what we have on our never, never, never ending ‘DO’ list that we spiral out of control in the opposite direction of love – we spiral into anxiety, stress and disconnection.
What’s the answer? It’s actually simple – provide yourself more time and space to sit in nature and soak in the sun – soak in the beauty of this God given fortress of life we have the privilege of inhabiting. Love abounds in nature. Love abounds in animals, children, it’s available in every moment if you stop and listen to life’s orchestra – it’s beautiful and waiting for you – as a matter of fact you’ve got front row seats anytime you want them – how VIP does that feel!
All you have to do is let go of all the details you crowd your mind with and stress yourself out over. At the end of the day are all those minute details bringing you closer or further away from the deeply connected, loving life you desire. On top of all the details there’s the fears and anxiety you have about not completing all the details. Jeez Louise what a whirling dervish scenario spinning you like a top and getting nowhere but stressed and frustrated.
Are you willing to experiment with something new? Click here to learn how….
A client recently shared, “This journey is a long one.” I could feel the heaviness in the statement and the truth it held for her. I immediately felt compassion because Lord knows I used to feel that way A LOT.
Especially when one thing after another knocks you down or takes you by surprise – it can feel like a tsunami of struggle and hardship. It can make you feel frustrated, sad and hopeless. Leaving you to wonder when will things ever change, feeling like life is out of your control.
Ever happen to you?
Years ago, while in one such tumble of turmoil, I was blessed with a “light bulb” moment. Now, no matter what perceived hardship is going on in my life I thankfully know what to do to flip it around.
And the thing is, it’s such a simple tool and brings results in a split second. My clients are all over it because it works, so I want to give it to you too. If you use it, it has the power to change your world.
If you feel like there’s a gap between your dream life (where you’re deeply loved, happy and fulfilled) and your current reality what I’m about to share will help you close that gap. It will also help you feel like you are in control of your life – hallelujah!! Taste the empowerment! Yes!
As you journey through life, and yes, for every breath we take on this planet we are on a journey – that doesn’t change. However, what CAN change is the way we look at it – this is the key, the secret.
When we shift our PERSPECTIVE about our journey we are suddenly filled with hope, strength and power.
Stay with me here and allow yourself to entertain another possibility than what you are currently experiencing…. what if the journey was easy and fun and filled with grace, adventure and happiness?
God says to be grateful for everything in our life – no matter if we perceive it to be good or bad. What if we sat in that gratitude consistently knowing whatever happens is a gift – even if we can’t see it now – we have the FAITH that something wonderful is going to emerge from whatever we are experiencing? I invite you to try that on and notice how it feels in comparison to thinking that it’s long, hard, full of struggle and unhappiness. I promise you the shift to gratitude will close the gap on what you are currently experiencing and what you would love.
Important for you to understand:
I’m not saying it’s going to feel natural or that you’ll be able to do it all the time – but even a 1% shift will make a big difference in your life results. And I know you can do it!!!!!
Think about childlike wonder. Right now I’m sitting at Starbucks and there is an adorable 3-year-old boy sitting next to me – he can’t stop smiling and wiggling in his seat in anticipation of the piece of banana bread and milk his mom is bringing to him. As she places them in front of him he squeals with happiness! Ahhhh life is goooood! Wouldn’t it be nice to be that delighted with something so simple?
It’s absolutely possible for you.
The question is, would you rather…. live a life of struggle, frustration and sadness OR one of ease, grace and joy?
It’s a no brainer, right? Who wouldn’t want a life of ease and grace? The choice is ALWAYS yours. Claim it for yourself and make it so!!! All you have to do is shift your perspective.
That said, turning the titanic around can require a bit of support. So to help you get going with this new habit I want to invite you to a challenge.
For the next week I challenge you to see the beauty in your life. Each day set a timer morning, noon and night to remind yourself to observe or think about something that is beautiful to you and feel the gratitude. Let yourself bask in that warmth for 30 seconds and not only will you start to see things in your world in a whole different light you will feel wonderful and peaceful. It’s that simple, yet that powerful. Yesssssss!!!
I’m cheering you on 100%!!
Imagine you’re cruising down the highway in a sexy red convertible with the top down and Cyndi Lauper’s Girls Just Wanna Have Fun busts thru the radio. You crank it up and start singing at the top of your lungs – giving it all you’ve got – feeling young and carefree! No matter what was on your mind before, you are now on top of the world! Ahhhh….such freedom!
Music has the ability to impact us in a way no other art form does. It takes you deep and can transport you to a specific time and place in your life and that can either take you up or down depending on the memory associated with the song.
This is the power of music. Did you know that it’s way more than nostalgia – that music does something very specific to our brain?
Click here to discover what music does to the brain.
P.S. Speaking of rejuvenating your soul, if you have had a stressful first quarter or just want some time to release, relax and re-center, my Laguna Beach Retreat is just the thing to bring you back to you. And did I mention how much FUN you will have? There’s only 1 spot left – is it yours? Click here to learn more!
Letting go is premier to love. If you hang on tight to the things that drive you crazy you’ll never allow love into your mind. There’s no room for it. A mind full of trash gets more trash. And you want love, yes?
Now you might be saying, wait a minute, isn’t love specific to the heart? True that’s where we FEEL love, but it starts with the thoughts we are focusing on in the mind. Our feelings are determined by what we put our attention on – we think something, then we feel.
Think about it– someone says or does something that is unkind, disrespectful or even crosses a boundary – and you think wait a minute, what did I do to deserve that? What happens next? Most of us put our attention on what was said or done, attach a meaning to it, take it personally and then feel upset. Totally taking it personally our body starts to fill up with anger and injustice and maybe some hurt or frustration. Maybe you say some unkind things in return and get even more riled up.
Can you think of a time that happened to you?
I know I sure can. My article on forgiveness a couple weeks ago where I mentioned the fight I got into with my sister is a prime example of this.
The thing is while our mind is busy taking things personally our heart is shutting down and we are waaaay far away from the love we desire.
We all crave love and yet the #1 limiting belief for women is “I’m not loved or lovable”. How many times have you allowed your mind to spin out of control with thoughts that don’t support self-love? Ay yi yi and the vicious cycle that creates – rarely letting the love we desire flow into our hearts.
When we let our mind hold onto thoughts and beliefs that make us feel bad about ourselves we suffer. The key is to let go of taking things personally and open to the knowing that we are loved and lovable. But that requires a sacrifice and the sacrifice is letting go of feeling bad and unworthy, strengthening our love of Self, believing in our beauty and goodness.
How do you do that?
The key is greater awareness and making consistent healthy decisions. Here’s the deal there’s a part of you that wants to go forward and expand into love and there’s a part of you that’s arguing for why you can’t. God wants you to have a free full life of love because that’s what God/life wants for us but then the human side argues for the hurtful things that were said, resentment, blame, criticism, anger, and it’s arguing for contraction. One of those two sides wins with every decision we make.
The awareness is key because it helps you see with every decision you make which side is winning. Then you can see that part that argues you out of love. And it’s not just in taking things personally – ask yourself if you lean into that part of you that gets small and weak in other areas of your life? As we do one thing we do everything!
The fabulous truth is that ultimately you have way more opportunity for love in your life than you are currently allowing.
Are you up for a challenge?
I thought so – you rock!
So the challenge is to pay attention to what you are paying attention to for the next week – and let love win! By letting go of those idea’s/beliefs/thoughts that don’t serve you, and instead choosing empowering thoughts that nurture YOU :))
Love to hear how it goes – leave a comment below and let me know your results
“If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive.”
~ Mother Theresa
Wow – powerful quote…and sometimes easier said than done, right?
Is there anyone you’re holding a grudge against and having difficulty letting it go?
I get it -I’ve been there. Several years ago my sister and I got into a massive fight just minutes before interviewing my lead expert for a summit I was hosting. She said some horrible and hurtful things that shook me to my core.
I was stunned and shocked thinking, “Are you kidding me? You know I’m about to do one of the most important interviews of my life and you’re choosing NOW to bring all this up?” I was trembling with anger and hurt as I put on my lipstick and told myself to push it aside and pull it together!
In all honesty it wasn’t my best interview; I was totally off balance with my entire nervous system shaken and my mind numb but I managed to push it aside and make it through with the grace of God.
It was afterwards that I wasn’t able to push it aside. I told the rest of my family and all my friends every little detail of what had happened, playing my victim role to the hilt and spiraling down into a vortex of blame, judgment, and self-pity. Ugghh, not something I’m proud of today but I felt justified at the time.
Ever happen to you? Ever fall into the rabbit hole of righteousness and claim the “I’ve been wronged” role with a vengeance?”
Although it’s easy to do, it sure doesn’t make you feel very good does it?
After a few weeks of sleepless nights, lack of focus and an upset stomach this situation was taking its toll on me. I clung to the belief my sister should apologize, but that apology never came.
I was tired of feeling so ugly inside and knew I had a choice – I could stay stuck in my story and all twisted up inside OR I could empower myself to shift out of it by healing the hurt.