I LOVE spring, and for so many reasons! One of them is that spring makes everything new again. A new beginning, a renewal, a rejuvenation, and an amazing time to take a deep dive into the ocean of YOU and see what you find.
Spring also reminds of my childhood and I was thinking about that this weekend. When I was a kid, my mother would do a huge Spring Cleaning. She’d open all the windows, wash the drapes, and do a total top to bottom clean and de-cluttering of the house. There was something about getting rid of all the clutter accumulated over the winter that felt so freeing, and the house felt so much bigger, brighter and open.
The same applies to your life and your ability to think clearly.
I have clients who tell me that they cannot think straight because of the clutter in their lives – both mental and physical. When you are surrounded by clutter, it robs you of your creativity. Think about that – I know if I have a ton of things on my mind like I have lately with the sale of my father’s home, I find it hard to generate new ideas, or be in my creative power.
It drives me nuts! But I have the solution – so keep reading baby!
I’m now in the process of packing everything up because the sale of the house went through. Have you done this? Going through the contents and packing takes a ton of time and effort. I feel like I’m surrounded by clutter and its making me craaaaazy!! HELP!!!
So while I was sorting through a plethora of things, I found a box full of papers from when I was in grade school all the way through my first year of college. I didn’t want to toss anything without first going through it, but after I looked at everything and deciding there was nothing there to keep, it felt SO GOOD to toss the box and LET IT GO!!!
Energetically, when we keep things from the past, it keeps us in the past. That’s not always bad –Memories of a great trip, or your kids, or your wedding. I’m specifically talking about keeping things that don’t serve us, or that have bad associations with them. (Like that picture of your ex you are holding onto?! Ahem!).
In addition, one of my mentors mentioned that we are capable of holding 7 things in our brain -so if you look around your home and see piles of stuff everywhere your mind is full up with stagnant clutter and has no space for creative new thoughts. Also, if you are looking for new things to come into your life, you will have to clear away the old to make space/room for them.
We hold onto ALL THIS STUFF because going through it and tossing it out takes a chunk of time and it can feel seriously overwhelming. You look at the piles of stuff and you know its going to take you the whole weekend to get through, so you leave it, you walk away and guess what – the PILE OF STUFF GETS BIGGER!
Sister, I hear you, but I also have the solution. So keep reading, this is good.
This is what I tell my clients, and trust me, I say it with love but I also say it very firmly.
I want you to get out a timer (I use the timer app on my phone) and set it to 15 minutes. Then devote those 15 minutes to de-cluttering your physical space. It’s a baby step but TRUST ME, it works.
15 minutes a day adds up to almost 2 hours a week, but because its spread out its not overwhelming like if I said spend 2 hours tonight on it.
See what I mean?
Now stay committed to the 15 minutes a day and it will get easier and easier to de-clutter – you might actually enjoy it!!! If you do this every day for a week you will feel good because your building your self-trust and your confidence, and sister, it makes you FEEL GOOD!
Here are two suggestions for de-cluttering:
1) Take some time to walk around your home. Open the history page on your computer or your TiVo recording schedule. Look at the pictures on your walls, shelves, the DVD’s in your collection. Get rid of anything that does not give you a positive memory or that you no longer need.
2) Is there anything in your home that is a potential corrupting influence? Is there anything in your personal life that is a corrupting influence (clutter can be relationships that don’t serve you too:)) If so pray about those things and ask God/Universe/Source for guidance in how to deal with them and then take action!
When you clear away the clutter you are seriously changing the energy in that space, (mental or physical, it doesn’t matter!) you are re-energizing yourself and the space and you will really feel more open and expansive to new ideas, and self purpose. Viva la de-cluttering!!!
How much did you LOVE creating playtime in your life?? If you missed last weeks post about it – read it here and get moving on creating fun and excitement in your life!
If you did add more playtime, did you notice how it changed you energetically? How you were more filled up and ready to add more love and light into your life? Wasn’t that amazing?!!
When’s the last time you laughed with your girlfriends until you peed just a little? Or your ribs hurt so much and you couldn’t catch your breath? When was the last time you sat and caught up with the girls in your life that ignite your soul’s passion?
It’s ok to have a meltdown sometimes.Men love to fix things, it’s in their DNA. When we tell them our problems, bless their hearts, they want to fix them for us, when sometimes we just want to vent, because venting out our issues allows the dust to clear so we can see what to do next.
The worst is when you’ve had a BAD DAY, and you just need to unload, decompress, yell and in frustration at the ceiling until the tension is gone and spent. With your girlfriends you have license to ‘lose it’ sometimes; have the meltdown and feel safe when you do. Do this in front of your man, and you might just get the blank stare – They don’t know what to do!!!
Your girlfriends get it. They know you just gotta let it out, shake it out, scream it out even, and when you’re done, and you’ve all eaten two of the best cupcakes in the known world with the most expensive bottle of wine you could find, they know its time to hatch your plans to put your life back in order. Girlfriends bring balance to your life.
My secret weapon to achieving balance in my life? Girlfriend Getaways!!
I love girlfriend getaways. A few days out of town, having fun with friends is incredibly rejuvenating. Even if it’s only for a day or two, that can be just enough to change your perspective, bring you joy and peace and build the bonds of your friendships.
Getting out of town gives you a fresh perspective, energizes you, and opens you up for creative thoughts. Doing certain things with your girlfriends causes the brain to release a special hormone that brings you bliss!
There have been times in my life where I felt spent; where I felt I had given my last bit of energy to others and there is nothing left for me. Or that I although I was doing what I love, I was not feeling fueled by it. I began to resent my work and myself. Ay yi yi!!!
I absolutely didn’t want to feel like that. I justified by telling myself I was growing my business so it’s totally ok to work my tail off, and put playtime on the backburner
It was during this time I also cut back on seeing my girlfriends, I stopped going out, and I was always TOO BUSY.
I was no fun sister, life had become too serious, and I’d had enough.
Here’s the thing – your soul needs playtime. You are meant to have fun in your life!! You are so meant to take time to fill up your personal well of happiness and nourish your sparkling essence so you are a better lover, mother, friend or entrepreneur.
Research shows when you are playing, laughing, having fun it puts a stop to the constant thoroughfare of thoughts about the past and future. You become fully present.
Why is this important for you?
Click here to discover what Harvard researchers say about the connection between playtime, being present and relationships
Daniel Gilbert and Matthew Killingsworth of Harvard University did a study and discovered adults spend only about 50% of their time in the present moment. The other half is spent wandering and their research found that a wandering mind is an unhappy mind exhausting itself through negative emotions. Yikes!
They also say that play allows us to be in the present moment.
How fabulous is that, because think about this – those deeply connected relationships you crave… they require you to be totally present! Play is the perfect solution!!
So now that it’s springtime, and in honor of that I’m going to write about topics like rejuvenation, revitalization and getting energized. And, you guessed it girl, my #1 HUGE step towards that is adding laughter and fun frolics to your life.
So take a moment, think back to when you were a kid, and what you loved to do. I loved being outdoors and being active and playing with my friends. One of my besties loved making (and I mean making, from scratch!) clothes for her dolls.
What did you love to do? What could you do right now in the sense of play that would lite you up?
One of my Sparkle clients had a dinner party recently and she had the most brilliant way to break the ice with her guests. At each place setting she put a bottle of bubbles, the kind with the dipstick that you blow on… remember those? Her guests saw this and immediately began to giggle, like seriously? Bubbles? No one did anything, until one of the guests opened hers up, and blew bubbles everywhere.
Well watch out sister Sue, battle of the bubbles was ON!
This game was a definite crowd pleaser and a terrific icebreaker – allowing the guests to instantly drop any insecurities or shyness they may have arrived with. And it totally set the tone for the rest of the evening. They had a blast!
Here’s the thing about having fun; when you spend all your time buttoned up, not doing anything for yourself at all, your well of happiness and even your well of ability and creativity can run dry. You do not service your clients in the same way as when you are feeling whole and happy, and you really close yourself off to what we want most in life, a deep connection with ourselves and others.
When you give yourself permission to have some fun, it fills your inner Diamond cup up, you begin to sparkle and you approach life, work and your relationships with less stress and resentment.
The best part of playtime is this – it doesn’t take much effort, almost none!
So get out there and play – better yet grab a girlfriend and play together.
I want you to pretend you are in a race tomorrow and you are determined to win it. (Stay with me beautiful, I’m not always about races but this is leading to an IMPORTANT point I want to share with you that will make a HUGE difference in your life results).
It doesn’t matter how long the race is, or what kind of exercise, (running, or swimming for example). I just want you to think about the fact you are determined to win. Would you now be thinking about what you need to do to be ready?
Kind of exciting, right? Ok lets keep going.
How much did you train? What was your diet like? Did you get enough sleep? What do you need to eat the day of your race so you have enough fuel to win?
And most importantly – what about your win strategy? Yes your win strategy. How are you going to ensure your win? Any ideas?
Here’s a hint, it’s called visualizing or envisioning, and it’s a strategy employed all over the world with amazing results by pro athletes and big time business people.
This is how Olympians win medals, and how top CEO’s make fortunes. Best thing is, you can learn how to do this and make your own magic happen.
Want to know more?
The other night I was invited to a charity event – and here in Los Angeles big gala’s can be rather intimidating. The morning of I was wishing I hadn’t agreed to go and feeling kind of nervous. I’m not a fan of crowds and I’m actually pretty shy in a big group!
But I decided that I needed to push my boundaries, because sometimes those things you don’t want to do the most you end up having the most fun/success. Stepping outside your comfort zone leads to growth, confidence and amazing things on the other side!
I really wanted the night to go well, and I thought the best thing I could do is sort of ‘rev’ myself up, to help me get through my resistance in going to this event.
So I did what the pro’s do, I envisioned the night being an amazing success. While I got dressed to go, I thought about what I would do from the moment I parked my car at the event to the moment I left.
While I was getting my car washed, I sat in the car, water spraying around me outside the windows and I envisioned myself laughing, having a great time and when the night was over driving home with the BIGGEST SMILE on my face you have ever seen.
I also envisioned making three new connections at the event and one of them was going to be the amazing Bob Proctor, who I knew would be at the event and who I’d always wanted to talk to. I thought of how it would feel to talk to him, and how happy I was going to be to meet new people, and enjoy myself. I really let myself FEEL how happy I was going to be.
The moment of truth came when I drove up to the event; and you are not going to believe me but I swear this is TOTALLY TRUE!
As I’m about to park my car, I see none other than Bob Proctor getting out of his car right in front of me! Seriously?
When I get to the lobby for the event, he’s still there, standing in a small group that’s chatting. And I thought, here’s my moment, GO TALK TO HIM! (Normally I’d just keep walking, and be too shy to say anything).
So I walked up to him, said hi and told him that I was really hoping I’d meet him that night, and he said, well then GIVE ME A HUG.
W.O.W.!! Could this really be happening?! I was on cloud nine!!
True to my vision I did make two other incredible connections later that night.
The moral? You guessed it, this stuff works!!!
Here’s why this works. When you train for a race, you are training your body and mind to become stronger so you can actually compete in the race. You are conditioning your body and mind to know what to expect and how to respond to it.
Same goes for envisioning. You are mentally training yourself to achieve your goal. There’s been studies where scientists have hooked athletes up to heart monitors and machines to measure brain activity, and told them envision themselves running the race of their lives, from start to finish. As they envisioned their race, from the comfort of a chair, their bodies were responding as if they were actually doing the race! Their heart rates increased and their muscles were firing up as they would as if the race was happening right there, in real time. So cool!
5 easy steps to envision your success:
- Begin from the end result. Not kidding. Start at the end. Picture yourself driving home with a smile on your face or jumping up in the air with happiness having achieved your desire.
- Next, embody a feeling of gratitude. – If you feel excited about what you want, it’s still not yours; it’s still outside of you as a possibility. Instead, I want you to really FEEL how happy and grateful you are to have achieved your goal. If you feel grateful – you’ve accepted that it’s yours, that you have it.
- Now, stand in front of a mirror and using one eye at a time, repeat your goal like this: “I am so happy and grateful that _____________”.
Then close that eye and open the other and repeat it. Do this more than once, because that belief forms a connection within your body.
- Include your senses. When you are envisioning achieving your goal, does the air smell, how does the Champaign taste, what are the sounds you hear when you get to your goal?
- Last thing I want you to do is consistently think about getting to and achieving your goal. Go through all the steps above, then rinse and repeat over and over. I specifically want you to do this first thing in the morning and again before bed, when your subconscious is most open and receptive to new ideas and thoughts.
So get out there honeychild and start envisioning what you desire to be yours! Pronto!!!
Last year I joined a running group as a promise to myself to get back into shape. I committed with this training group to run a half marathon (ok more like a blended run/walk cuz of the ole’ hip replacements LOL) but yes I was going to RUN again!!!
Crazy me right?
I trained for this half marathon for over 6 months. I challenged myself with hill repeats and other forms of cardio torture. I was trying something different, and it was pulling and stretching me in amazing ways!
I was getting stronger!
I felt myself getting stronger both mentally and physically. I felt less stressed in my day-to-day life, I was sleeping better and I was loving this running thing!
So after 6 months of sweat, and countless mornings where I wanted to stay in bed but I got up and ran instead, the half marathon was now just a week away. I was excited, nervous and feeling pretty great that I had put in the work and my goal was in sight.
Just days before the run, we found out the unfortunate news that my Aunt had passed away and her funeral was to be on the exact date of the half marathon.
I was upset to lose my Aunt, and of course I was going to be there for the funeral, so running in the half marathon with the thousands of other runners was now out of the question. But I was also bummed that this goal I had worked towards would now not be completed.
I felt defeated, and guilty for feeling that way. Geez Louise!
I could have quit.
I’m in the midst of selling my Dad’s house right now, so lately I’m spending a lot of time working with my agent while she works on selling the house. It’s been a bit hectic, and a bit stressful.
No problem baby! I got this!
That’s what I tell myself because I tend to roll with the punches and adapt pretty easily. But, what got me thinking, and wanting to share with you is that my agent who’s selling the house unexpectedly triggered me.
She had sold my siblings and I into this strategy for selling the house and it didn’t go as she had said. I have a pet peeve about people promising something and then it not happening OR changing the story to match the result. Mama Mia!
So when this happened, I was totally triggered and I felt angry and tricked somehow. But as I was getting super ticked off, I remembered to STEP BACK, and take a breath. I asked myself – How come I reacted that way?
Why am I getting triggered?
Huge lessons to be learned here, keep reading!!
Remember what we learned last week? We learned about having an attitude of Charisma, and that living with an attitude of charisma means always coming from the light.
Well this all ties in.
Triggers take you away from your light, they drag you back into your old patterns, your old ways of dealing with things, and they automatically disconnect you and make you close up. You go right into isolation. Bye bye sparkles and joy!
Exactly what we don’t want!
When you get triggered, and girl, trust me you will… I want you to ask yourself…
What do you want to project to the world? How are you going to let your beautiful light shine? What is the bigger picture?
Leading Lady Tip: Master Your Attitude, Master Your Charisma
Here’s what works when you are feeling triggered, step by step.
1. Is it true? You want to step back – check in with yourself and ask, is it really true? Whatever that person might be saying remember they have their own perspective based on their own experiences. In this case I had to ask myself did the broker try to pull a fast one on us just to get the listing and the honest answer was no. She did have multiple successes with her strategy…in other neighborhoods. It’s not that she tried to trick me, it’s that her tried and true strategy didn’t work in my dad’s neighborhood. I was able to let it go and appreciate her efforts.
Another scenario with “Is it true” is that the person may be projecting onto you their stuff – so sit with it and see if it feels true. If it doesn’t let it go. On the other hand, if it’s true, own up, learn from the experience and be thankful that you were given this gift of growth. Every time you heal a part of your life, that part moves into a charismatic place. Hallelujah baby!!
2. Get curious: Be a detective, get as detached as possible and look for clues! Triggers are often mirrors for beliefs or ways of being that need healing in us. If you can look at it unemotionally you will be amazed at the insight you can gain and the powerful healing that will happen. You are unraveling the emotions that are blocking your beautiful essence.
3. How do you want to show up? Stay focused on how you want to show up in this world, and your commitment to coming from a place of light, of living a life with sparkle and authenticity and that will always keep you connected to who you want to be – it’s a choice.
4. Is it necessary? If our goal is to always being staying in that charismatic place then is going off course going to deliver you where you want to go? Easy answer – No.
The next time you get triggered, take that deep breath, and let it out … Ahhhhhhhhh, and remember that how you react to it is how you are choosing to show up in the world, the choice is always yours!
Have you ever made eye contact with someone and they smiled at you and it totally caught you off guard, but you found yourself smiling back?
That’s charisma! And here’s a fun fact – charisma was originally a religious term, it meant ‘of the spirit’ or inspired.
It’s all about that pure light in us shining through into the world.
Most people think you are born with or without it, and that is simply not true. It’s a skill! You can develop and master it!
Marianne Williamson says that ‘charisma is the sparkle in people that money cannot buy.’That’s just beautiful!!!
I LOVE THIS!!
Charisma is literally invisible energy with visible effects!
Here are 3 benefits of developing YOUR charisma:
As a matter of fact some people have more excuses than Carters has pills.
Maybe you think you have an excuse to be sad or upset; traffic was bad, he hurt me, didn’t keep his word, he betrayed me.
Or you may think you have an excuse to settle for where you are; you had a bad childhood, you went through a brutal break up, your partner doesn’t support you.
The truth is as long as you blame the past, a friend, your partner, the traffic, the weather – you name it… you will justify where you are and stay stuck in unhappiness.
Believe me, I put off writing my book for many years because of ALL the excuses I had that seemed totally justifiable. I didn’t have time, didn’t have the money, didn’t have an agent. To be honest, under all the excuses was a fear that what I had to say wasn’t important enough to put into print. I was stuck in my fear until I found the courage to just go for it.
I get it!!
But at some point, if you want to move forward, if you want to invite happiness in, you have to ditch the excuses. Even if they are valid excuses like betrayal, abandonment, disappointment or death – toss them out. They are keeping you from your joy.
Ahhh. Joy. Happiness. Big, bright smiles. I’m reminded of my volunteer experience last year in Liberia, Africa. The people were so happy and they had nothing to speak of materially – living in concrete shacks with virtually no furniture, wearing the same clothes every day, sweltering in the high heat and humidity, no internet, no TV, – and forget about Starbucks they didn’t have enough food in their belly….these people had plenty of reasons to be depressed so how was it they were so gloriously happy?
One woman in particular, “Mama” (leaning sideways with a huge smile in the pic above), made a lasting impression on me and everyone on the trip. Mama breaks it down so simply – she says, “Every day that I open my eyes is a good day.” Mama doesn’t wait for something to happen “for her” or “to her” to be happy. She doesn’t lament about being poor, the heat, the war torn country or the way things are for her and her family. She knows the secret to happiness – she has an inner sparkle.
It’s the same secret I teach in the SPARKLE Program.
Listen, you can sit around waiting for outside circumstances to make you happy: the stars to align perfectly, those sexy shoes you’ve been eyeing to go on sale, your partner to apologize for that unspeakable thing he did, OR you can live like Mama…happy daily – REGARDLESS.
Being happy is possible for you – stop waiting and take action to make it your emotion of choice NOW.
Granted, even if you desire to change, it’s sometimes hard to know how to change. My good friend Mat Boggs says, “It’s hard to see the picture when you are in the frame.” Man is that ever true!
So if this is where you are at, and you are ready to leap to the other side, I invite you to consider the SPARKLE program because it will get you there.
Here are three of its top benefits:
- You get a plan for happiness
- Freedom from emotional pain
- Life becomes FUN again
If you are DONE putting off your happiness, book a time to talk with me because baby, you deserve a life of smiles for no reason:))
“THE YOUNG BOY said to his grandfather, ‘I have two wolves barking inside of me. The first wolf is filled with anger, hatred, bitterness, and mostly revenge. The second wolf inside of me is filled with love, kindness compassion and mostly forgiveness. Which wolf do you think will win?’
The grandfather responded, ‘Whichever one you feed.’”
Wow what truth!
Take a minute and ask yourself, “which wolf do I feed?”
And then take it a step further and reflect on which wolf feasts when you are going through a rough time. Do you bring in the second wolf of self-love or do you stuff the wolf of self-bashing?
How do you treat yourself? Be honest. It has everything to do with your happiness.
If you are constantly beating yourself up with judgment, criticism and guilt you aren’t going to have the mental or physical strength to presence as the woman you want to be.
On the other hand, if you support yourself with gentle, kind nurturing thoughts it’s going to be much easier to feel joyful and show up as the empowered leading lady of your life.
The Greek philosopher Epictetus said: “First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”
So who do you want to be?
It’s important to have a clear vision and knowing of who you want to be and equally important to take actions that support your desire.
First create a clear picture of who that woman is –design her from the inside out. A great way to do this is to sit with a journal and write down character traits and qualities that inspire you or that you admire and wish to adopt.
Next thumb through magazines – what style of dressing attracts you and expresses your personality and feminine essence?
If you find one picture that says it all rip it out and put it where you’ll see it daily (when I was divorcing I found a picture of Manola Blahnik shoes that symbolized everything I wanted to become and put it on my bulletin board at work – LOL – but hey, just looking at it lifted my spirits!)
You may also find several pictures that speak to you and create a collage. The idea is to become clear about who you want to become and stay focused on this.
Next you want to notice what stops you from becoming this unforgettable woman. What thoughts run through your mind, what fears paralyze you and keep you stuck?
What lies are you telling yourself about what’s possible for you. What negative voices are telling you, “ha, who are you kidding, you’ll never pull that off, you’re too old, not good enough, not special enough …blah, blah, blah – feeding that annoying attack wolf again.
Whoooah, let’s pause, take a breath and turn this wolf around!
How, you might ask, do you do that?
Are you, like so many women over 40, having trouble accepting your age?
Do you find yourself looking in the mirror and thinking YIKES!! Maybe saying to yourself, “OMG, where did that new wrinkle come from? And…whoooah look at those puffy dark circles (note to self – stop at Sephora immediately for ‘bag’ control )…eeeesh nose hairs, what is happening to me???
Many of my clients have confided they are having a tough time accepting that they are getting older. They feel like they’ve lost their sparkly sex appeal and are downright depressed about the reflection staring back at them.
What about you?
Would you like to feel better about aging? Accept the inevitable with grace and ease? Be able to connect with that part of you that’s confident and ignore the inner critic, that big fat judge that won’t budge?
Do you want to feel beautiful in WHO you are? Confident and comfortable in your skin.
So how do you get there?
In this video, I share two powerful questions that I give my clients when they need to get clear about their inner diamond value.
You will also learn how to ignore your evil twin (the one who sits on a soap box in your mind and fills you with bad juju thoughts) and instead tune into your inner angel – the one who will help you fall back in love with yourself.
Watch this video to feel fabulous and sexy no matter what your age!
If you are struggling with feeling good and want a formula to get your mojo back click here to schedule a chat and I’ll give you all I’ve got in 30 minutes.
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Audio Interview - Secrets to a Sexy Sparkling Life