We are entering into a new year – a fabulous time to dream, to blossom, to expand, to recommit to living as the Sparkling happy, fun-loving, successful (whatever that means to you) person you were born to be.
Typically this is a time to set resolutions – to make your goals. I’m going to go against the grain and invite you to forget about the ritualistic declaration of resolutions! Instead I challenge you to commit to living on the edge of your comfort zone.
But stepping outside your comfort zone…that involves taking ACTION! And no matter what the outcome, you can be proud of your bravery. That will build your confidence making you feel good about yourself.
This idea of taking bold action is backed by some pretty amazing iconic females like Diane Feinstein who says the key to a happy and fulfilling life involves taking risks and stepping out of your safety zone.
She says that’s when life becomes magical and you are truly living into your genius and greatness.
As inspiring as that sounds you may be saying to yourself, “That seems kinda scary. My life may be a bit boring but routine suits me just fine – sure I may complain a bit but at least I know what to expect and I like being in control…” sound familiar?
In the spirit of this theme I am committed to speaking my truth – even if it’s a little risky -because I want to shake things up for you and nudge you in the direction of your bliss.
So here goes…living a routine life will suck your spirit dry! You’ll be parched, wilted, lifeless, dreamless with about as much energy as a sloth on a hot summer day. It’s time to follow your dreams and drink deeply from the well of the unknown. The excitement of the risk will make you feel vibrant and alive!
Now you might be thinking, “How does one do that?” Truth be told all it takes is an intention to make 2016 the year you live fully, a willingness to be open to new experiences, ready to receive all the good God wants you to have, and a commitment to bring forth consistent courage.
This means reflecting, identifying and overcoming those things that keep you in your rut. Then coming up with new behaviors and structures that are in alignment with who you want to become; the you that embraces life and all it’s opportunities; the you that is determined to look back at your life with no regrets.
Living your BEST year involves a commitment to a way of being. It’s realizing that life is full of choices and that we are each empowered to make choices that bring us the most joy, the most growth and the most fulfillment.
To get you started I want to share 3 powerful and energizing tips I learned about and took action on over the holidays.
Dear loveliness, when your relationship is on rocky ground it can bring about a boatload of anxiety, pain and panic. You may feel frozen or stuck, but believe it or not the upheaval is actually a wonderful invitation for growth – and when you journal, you can accelerate that growth.
If you are willing to see the situation as an opportunity to lean into your feelings and get curious instead of running from your emotions or denying they exist, you’ll gain a new perspective that will help you and your relationship shift.
Your feelings have something to say, so invite them in as though they are your best friends and have a tea party with them. Literally sit down with them, wrap them in love and listen – you will gain tremendous wisdom that will lead to your emotional freedom! And who doesn’t want that?!
I’ve experienced a lot of growth through journaling. I know it’s something that most people don’t do anymore, especially since we’re all so in love with our technology these days. But writing by hand causes different interactions in the brain.
Research highlights the hand’s unique relationship with the brain when it comes to composing thoughts and ideas. There’s also a greater sense of space when using a pen, allowing you to free flow and get it all out! Writing is, by nature, an opportunity for creativity and personal expression.
It’s the Best Therapy
Writing by hand is like free therapy – it brings emotional balance. All that it requires (other than a journal and something to write with) is that you create space and time for yourself.
Journaling can help you:
a. Define your emotions and what they mean for you
b. Release suppressed and conflicted feelings
c. Gain back clarity while being in the midst of overwhelming emotions.
Start by writing about something that’s really upsetting you. As you write about it, you’re able to openly explore and unravel the problem.
This helps you get to the heart of the matter. And it’s amazing how often the upset isn’t what you thought but instead a completely surprising “aha”! I can’t tell you how many times that happened for me – always eye-opening!
The process of journaling helps you manage your emotions and brings you into balance. How awesome is that, right? You receive new insights and perspectives as well as a lot of peace! Joyous Jingles!!
Buy a Journal That You’re Drawn To
Your journal is like your new best friend. Each page breathlessly awaits your every thought – loves, supports and adores you. No judgment. No criticism.
You’re going to be spending a lot of time with your lovely journal so you should like the way it looks. Choose something you love – that you’re drawn to; that feels good in your hands! Put it by the bedside and dedicate a certain time every day to sit down and write. Light a candle, put on music, make it like a ritual. After some time, it will become just like brushing your teeth!
The pain you feel now is temporary, dear heart, and I’d love to guide you through it. Click HERE to set up a time to chat.
Today, I want to tell you the story of one of my incredible clients (we’ll call her Deb for the sake of this article) who transformed her life with the power of “letting go.”
Deb was a successful businesswoman whose husband had an affair. When I met her, she was estranged from her soon-to-be-ex; she explained she had been the one to take care of everything in her marriage, she was the glue in her relationship, and when… [READ MORE]
So you discovered your partner is cheating… the first thing you want to do is get clear on what you want. In this moment, right now, ask yourself, “What would I love? Recognize how you can nurture yourself and take action!
It’s the “How to Live Your Dream Life NOW” global VideoCast…
I’m going to watch and I highly recommend you do the same!
If you’ve been feeling disconnected from your passion and purpose, and you’re ready to step into what’s next for you and your life…
This event is something that you DO NOT want to miss – and there’s no charge to attend!
For the full event details and registration, go here now:
I hope to see you there!
Angel, if you’re a woman in America (or any part of the world that reads People Magazine, chances are you’ve heard the news: Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are divorcing because he had an affair with the nanny.
When you read those headlines, does some part of you wonder, “If Jennifer Garner can’t keep a man from cheating, who in the world can!?”
She’s smart, sexy, stunning, and of course – a movie star! So what gives?
This might be especially poignant for you if you’re dealing with infidelity in your relationship, whether you’re in a marriage or an exclusive dating situation. When you discover that someone has cheated on you, it’s one of the hugest hurts you’ll ever experience.
But here’s the truth, Love: if a man cheats on you, it has nothing to do with your value or worth.
As women, we love to analyze the remnants of our relationship and lay blame on ourselves. How many times have I heard a client say, “If only I had done this”, or “Why didn’t I do that?” or “I wish I had done things differently” or “Why do I always…blah, blah, blah”?! We often judge and punish ourselves far more than we deserve.
Of course, we all bear a certain level of responsibility – but that doesn’t make you any less beautiful, worthy, intelligent, successful, funny or loved… it just means that there are some lessons in this experience for both (or all three) people.
And hey, at the very least you can feel grateful that your situation isn’t plastered all over grocery store aisles like Jen’s is.
At the very best, if you are willing to lean in and grow, you can dramatically shift your self-worth.
Here are a few ways you can step into your value:
1) Stop settling for crumbs – know what you want and if your partner doesn’t want the same things AND isn’t willing to put 100% of himself into rebuilding the relationship with you, have the courage to say good-bye. You deserve more!
2) No more waiting around – if your man says he doesn’t know what he wants and continues to see the other woman and you are waiting for him to choose, you are giving your power away! Why are you letting him decide your fate? Gather your gumption and make a decision to empower yourself. Stop waiting. Not only will you gain self-respect, most likely you will gain his respect as well.
3) Set boundaries – let go of the fear that you will lose love if you stand in your truth. The reality is we teach people how to treat us – if we value ourselves others will value us too. If you allow your partner to act in ways that devalue and dishonor you, it will be impossible to build a deeply connected and loving relationship together. Stay strong in honoring you, no matter what, and you will feel your sense of value skyrocket!
Whether you’re a movie star like Jen Garner or the girl next door or a CEO, relationships can fall apart. The key is knowing that YOU are valuable and rebuild from a place of self-worth!
Are you looking for ways to improve your self image after discovering that a partner was cheating? I would love to speak with you one on one. Click HERE
Has this happened to you? It happened to me, and it’s happened to many of my clients!
After my ex-husband cheated on me, he knocked on my front door 8 months later to see if I was interested in getting back together.
At the time I was surprised, but now I can see what happened. As I rebuilt my life and began…
A lot of times, we’re presented with relationship challenges as a way for us to grow, dear one. Infidelity, in a way, is the ultimate relationship challenge – and it promises the most spectacular growth, if you’re willing to see it that way.
The question for you and your partner is this: do you ultimately want the same thing?
Many, many relationships have survived infidelity. Survival happens when both people are moving in the same direction and willing to view it as a wake up call toward relationship evolution.
As a matter of fact, I was just talking to my client, Nikki, yesterday – and she said she was actually happy her husband cheated because it knocked her out of her comfort zone and forced her to grow.
Gaining new perspective and stepping into different, more empowering behaviors she is now light, happy (even giggly) and confident – sharing she feels like she can do anything and all the anxiety is gone.
Her hubby is coming around and making a big effort to get in her good graces again. Not only has he stopped criticizing her and giving her the cold shoulder, he’s happily cuddling up with her on the sofa and she’s planning romantic escapades.
Maybe you, like Nikki, need a different skill set, better communication skills, better boundary setting and self honoring, more practice offering forgiveness, or a better understanding of each other.
The clients I work with who end up saving the marriage always tell me the same thing: the relationship ends up being better, stronger and more loving than ever as a result.
So, gorgeous, if you have a hunch that it’s worth working through it, chances are that it really is.
Whether or not you’re considering sticking it out, here are 3 things you can do to help yourself view the cheating as a blessing instead of harboring resentment:
Take time for yourself. Give yourself space, and be gentle with yourself. You deserve it.Look at the pieces. Ask yourself, “Is this relationship something that I want to stay committed to?”
Seek growth. Embrace the opportunity for growth – because I promise, it’s there.
Wherever you are on your journey, focus on loving yourself and being gentle with yourself. You deserve it, beautiful, and you will come out on the other end stronger and more fulfilled than you ever imagined.
Want to talk? Click HERE to speak with me directly.
Years ago when I discovered that my husband was cheating on me, I did what a lot of women do: I blamed myself.
Questions ran through my head, like, “What did I do wrong? Am I not smart/attractive or fun enough? How did I lose his attention?” You see, I thought I was doing everything right.
Can you relate to that?
When I got married, I remember thinking, “If someone cheats on me, that’s it. I’m outta there! I’m not putting up with it.”
I went through them, too.
In fact, I was so embarrassed to admit that my marriage had failed and that my husband had cheated on me and had plans to leave that I hid it from my mom until he left. I even dragged my soon-to-be-ex-husband to a Christmas family vacation at Lake Tahoe and made him pretend that we were fine because I felt so mortified to share my shame and “failure” and didn’t want to spoil my family’s holiday.
It’s like I was living in this bubble of, “everything’s okay!” Even though it wasn’t.
When I was finally able to share with my family what had happened, it made it all so real – and although it was a relief to get it out in the open and gain their support, it really sunk in and I felt scared and lost. I had to go through a process of rediscovering myself – because at that point, I didn’t even feel like I knew who I was anymore.
Does that sound at all familiar?
If you’re struggling to reconnect with what makes you YOU, here are five things to try:
1. Ask for honest feedback. I approached people in my life who I knew loved me dearly and asked them, “What do you think of me? How do I come off?” The feedback was often hard to hear – even jolting, but I’ll tell you what, soul sister – it rang deep with truth: it changed my life. If you can be open and grateful for the feedback it can change the trajectory of your life. Listen with curiosity!
2. Ask yourself what you like to do. Center yourself, and mentally ask these questions, “What would I like to do today?” “What brings me joy?” “What new thing would I like to try or what would I like to bring back that I used to love to do?” You might be surprised at the answers that come up, especially if you’ve been married for a long while. Then act on it!
3. Write in a journal. As often as possible. This was one of the most important tools for me through my rediscovery. My journal became my best friend. Let it become yours and you will quickly appreciate it’s love and loyalty. Always open to hearing your deepest thoughts without judgment, blame or criticism. Always holding the space for your enlightenment. Always there.
4. Keep yourself moving, physically. I started taking yoga classes, which cleared the cluttered thoughts in my mind and kept me connected to the Divine. Roller blading and weight training also provided stress relief, freedom and confidence. Choose some sort of movement to release the anxiety and bring in positive energy -keeping your mind, body and soul in healthy alignment.
5. Surround yourself with friends. Take girlfriend trips, call your mom, and do fun things with people you love to remind yourself that, yes, you are worthy of support and rooted in a community of wonderful people who are more than happy to cheer you on!
It can be tough, gorgeous, but you gotta do it. A few years from now, you’ll look back and think, “Wow, I’m really proud of myself for getting through that. And I’m better off for that whole experience.”
Click HERE to connect with me one on one. I would love to help you get over the infidelity hump and get your sparkle back.
“You can never out-perform your self image.” Maxwell Maltz
That quote is from a book called The Magic Power of Self-Image Psychology that made a huge difference for me in crafting who I wanted to be after finding out my husband cheated.
Lovey, we will always live up to our self-image, whether it’s a strong, secure one or whether it’s a doubtful, frightened one.
But the cool thing is that you can create a new self-image if you want to. And this becomes particularly important when you’re dealing with an infidelity in your partnership – feeling like you are not enough, or that you’ve done something wrong or that you are fundamentally flawed or cursed.
When I found out about my husband’s cheating, I thought, “Okay, Sherri, this is an opportunity for growth. You’ve lost touch with yourself, you aren’t really sure who you are anymore – take this time to discover who you want to be? What are the traits of the woman you want to become? How do you want to show up- not only in your relationship, but in the world?
These are key questions to ask yourself – because if you don’t have a clear idea of who you want to be, how do you know how to move into it?