It’s become an epidemic. Women losing themselves in relationship. Why?

Along those lines, I recently sent out a survey (many thanks to those of you who completed it!) and here is the #1 thing you all overwhelmingly said you wanted:

* A loving trusting relationship. Fantastic! But here’s the deal – in order to have a loving trusting relationship you need to FIRST have one with yourself!

Here’s the #1 challenge you shared:

*To find the right man…not surprising because you’ve got to BE the RIGHT woman to attract or recognize the right man.

What does that mean? Simply, that you love yourself, trust your decisions and choices and know yourself.

The truth is, staying connected to your gorgeous sparkle or “fun-ESS-ence” as my new SPARKLE 2 gals describe it, needs to become a daily habit.

Don’t lose yourself in love,  watch this video.

P.S. - I have a few spots left in our SPARKLE 2 program.  If you want my help finding your “fun-ESS-ence, and making your happiness this year a priority, book time now to speak with me.

Many of you struggle, as I do from time to time, to make healthy choices so I decided to dedicate the article for this week’s article around the feelings that can get in your way when you’re trying too hard to put others first. Read, release and rejoice!!!

Do you find yourself constantly busy for everyone but yourself and then feeling consumed by guilt when you decide to set limits around your availability or what you’re willing to do for others in order to take some time for you? Do you label yourself as “selfish” when you want to do something for yourself or even by yourself? Do you ever feel ashamed because there are times you don’t want to do anything for anybody else?

These questions may feel a bit uncomfortable (maybe even silly), but really think about this for a moment. How often do you do something for or with others because it just doesn’t feel right to focus on yourself? If you really delve deeper, I bet you’ll uncover these exact beliefs and feelings (or something very close) at the root of your actions or inaction.

These three culprits are notorious for hi-jacking us from taking care of ourselves:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Selfishness

These feelings can cause us to “dim” our inner light and keep us from being the sparkling diamonds we’re meant to be. Yet, our beautiful, brilliant, multi-faceted radiance cannot shine if we don’t take some time to polish and buff. Just like a diamond, we need self-care in order to really glitter and glow.

Let’s take a brief look at each one:

Guilt – if you are like most women, you might feel guilty for taking time to replenish your own reservoir of life-giving energy. If, however, you intend to continue giving your time and attention to loved ones, the only way you can do this is to be kind and loving to yourself first. As odd as it may seem, the most loving thing you can do for the people you care about is to first take care of you.
So right now, right here, write down at least 1-3 things you can do to nurture you – and then do one of them!

Selfishness – sometimes others take advantage of your desire to serve. They can call at all hours of the day and night and expect you to be available at a moment’s notice, especially when they’re experiencing a crisis. When you get courageous enough, you may set boundaries around your availability. As soon as you do, an alarming voice might resound in your head, screaming at you about how selfish you are being. That distorted belief of what it means to be selfish kicks in and challenges you to wonder how you could ever think you were so special to deserve to put yourself first. Along with beliefs of selfishness come thoughts of how horrible you are.
To overcome this ask yourself what your pay-off is for buying into the belief that you are selfish. Then set a healthy boundary and stand strong.

Shame – felt right after selfishness is the third self-deprecating feeling. You feel ashamed for thinking you were so special or significant as to put yourself above another. The dance of blame and shame begins as another way to hold you back and keep you from taking care of yourself adequately.

Simple Touch Techniques Can Create Fireworks! 

Touching is a powerful and sacred action.  It opens the gateway to intimacy, creating presence and connection.

Don’t get me wrong; women love to hear the words, “I love you”, but touching launches relationships into intimacy by directly accessing the emotional self.  Words are processed in the thinking part of the brain, while touch is processed by the emotional centers.

Endorphines, released by touching your lover or your own beautiful body, flow through the body creating a sense of caring and pleasure while calming daily stress.

Moreover, touch is paramount to love.  It engages the senses God gave us for our emotional and physical well-being and pleasure, and is a powerful way to express what we cannot say. Yet still, we are a touch-starved society.

Read the full article here to discover 7 ways you can incorporate more touching into your life.

As life attempts to overwhelm us with obstacles great and small, it can feel like the world is coming down around us. Can you fill yourself up with your most loving, sensual, playful self when life is raining down havoc and mayhem? It’s ok, you can admit it, not many women do. Rather than learning to embrace all life has to offer, good or bad, with our fully awakened sensual, powerful, feminine selves, most of us are taught how to make other people happy, how to make money, how to sacrifice our needs and made to feel selfish if we want a more pleasurable life.

In truth you don’t have to change who you are to have what you want. These 7 tips can help you awaken your inner powerfully feminine, sparkling, sensual self. When you make a commitment to show up fully in this charismatic essence you will experience a much more love-filled, happy life!

1) Let go – this can be terrifying for sure but keeping the package all nice and neat and looking good is exhausting! Keeping everything together is also about being in control and that’s engaging your masculine. It’s very hard to be in your sensual feminine essence when you are fighting to keep your masculine present. Granted there is real authentic fear about letting go but understand that being in control is really an illusion. Be willing to see it another way. Feel the fear, listen in, and work through it rather than let it paralyze you. In other words surrender…God/Source/The Divine will be there to catch you and always get you through!

2) Flirt – flirt for the sheer pleasure of it, not to be coy or seductive but simply to have fun with all the elements of life. Feel the wind on your cheeks, coo at a baby, swish your favorite drink or morsel around letting your taste buds enliven, open up to situations you normally are closed off to, stand at the edge of the surf with your arms extended to the heavens, smile or say hello to a stranger and feel how expansive you become!

3) Fun – connect with your other personas and let your inner vixen out! There are so many leading ladies waiting backstage to come out and play and bedazzle and yet we let the same ole’ gal take center stage day in and day out. Mix it up! Recast your movie! Take up belly dancing, pole dancing or whatever would make you just a wee bit uncomfortable and do it for YOU. Then bring her into the boudoir and create a fun romantic adventure. Your partner will be saying, “Wow who was that last night? Let’s invite her back!”

4) Moxie – become the leading lady of your life – no more settling for understudy. One of my clients, Jane, was tired of the “room mate” relationship her marriage had become and decided to step into what she wanted. While taking one of my playshops she tried out a few of the sensual poses she had learned. She didn’t let it bother her that she wasn’t getting the attention she wanted initially – instead she continued for her own pleasure and it was then that her husband locked eyes with her and they had the most passionate night in years. No coincidence that when she was confidently dwelling in the sweet spot of her magnificence she became irresistible!

5) Touch – becoming intimate with you is paramount to creating intimacy with others. Appreciating your body in a non-sexual, very sacred manner will help you get to know you and your sensual self.
So get started by experiencing your senses. Take some “me” time in a private environment (like your bedroom), light a candle, put on some music and lay down completely naked. Close your eyes and slowly touch every inch of your lovely body with deep care and love. As you run your hands over your legs, belly, breasts and arms notice the feel of your skin, the inner sensations, and the pleasure your body feels in being touched so lovingly. Remember this is not about sexuality it’s about loving, accepting and appreciating YOU.

6) Dance – again a private affair! You can do this one of two ways – either stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself or close your eyes and let the energy of the music come up through you, having its way with you. Do you trust yourself? Do you feel safe letting go of control? Give yourself permission to let go and let this energy fill you with sensual bliss within. Notice how you feel full and your edges start to disappear. A combination of the two is optimal, seeing the look in your eyes after you’ve allowed this energy to flow within is powerful.

7) Passion – the most attractive woman is the woman who loves life and feels desirable. Men see this in your eyes ladies – that you “have it”. When you make yourself the priority and then the man you gain his interest and respect. As soon as you value the man more you lose your appeal because you are not honoring and respecting yourself first. So discover what you are passionate about and make a bliss list of at least five things. Make sure at least three of the things are not dependent on others for your “feel good” and then do one of these things daily to fill you up with passion.

These tips are not a singular quick fix – they are a practice, a way of life. Make the commitment to make this way of living a lifestyle and you will find yourself feeling full up with your feminine, sensual self – engaging everyone in your wake.

In your heart of hearts do you long to do something really significant in your life? Something that will warm your soul and make you feel like you’re living “on purpose”?

I just experienced what I know will be that “life-defining” experience I talk about til the day I die. Spending a week in a post war country with people who don’t want a hand out, but just want that grace to give themselves and their children a fresh start, will change me forever.

I’ve made it a goal to give dreams back to 600 children living in Liberia, the country formed by freed slaves from North America. I’m CLOSE to reaching my goal along with 27 others who traveled with me from 7 countries to complete the building of the Becky School where these kids can get an education and rise again. And I need help to reach my goal and my commitment to this team and these children who have made me a more humble and purposeful person.

I invite you to just take a look at me and the team I traveled with THERE in the midst of it all. And if you’re inspired at all, and willing to help, please do. Watch these one minute videos:

Click here to watch video 1

Click here to watch video 2

… and please come along with me in making a difference for them. By doing so, you’ll be making a huge difference to ME.

Feeling stuck or unmotivated?

If you find yourself frustrated and not making the changes you want to make in your health, relationships or career, you may have fallen victim to the most common road block to your dreams: distractions.

Take heart, it’s happened to even the most successful women!

In my coaching practice, I’ve found that every woman encounters distractions on the path to achieving their dreams. I find that what separates my clients who succeed from those who don’t get results is whether or not they are able to get back on track to regain their focus on the goal.

Since it’s inevitable that you’ll experience set backs in life, the most important factor is what you do next. Do you let the distraction take you completely off course or do refocus your efforts to re-embark on the road to success?

While many factors can cause our focus to stray, I’ve found a pattern with the 3 biggest dream destroyers. These main three MUST be overcome if you want to attain the fabulous life you deserve.

Any guess what they might be?

Read the full article here to discover the 3 Biggest Dream Distractors and learn ways to avoid them.

Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.
– E.E. Cummings

One of the things that held me back from pursuing my dreams for many years was fear of failure … and the lack of self-confidence that I needed to overcome my fears.
Sound familiar?

It’s something we all face at times. The key question is: how do you overcome that fear?

What I’ve discovered it that fear is overcome with self-confidence and healthy self-esteem. When you believe in yourself and love yourself there is a certain magic mojo that is created. Self-respect and confidence open up new doors and set a new trajectory for your life.

For me, developing my confidence is what helped me overcome my fear of failure, and finally pursue my dreams.

I still have that old fear crop up sometimes. But now I know that I can beat it, that I can break through that wall of fear and come out on the other side victorious and more confident for having had the courage to try.

I’ve practiced boosting my confidence to overcome fear many times over the years, and that success fuels further success. It’s something that I now teach my coaching clients; how to build confidence and create happiness one step at a time.

It is possible, and actually exhilarating, to take control of your life by taking control of your self-confidence. When you take actions that improve your competence and your self-image, you can increase your confidence and go forward with gusto. Yeah baby!

Below, I outline 12 things that will help you instantly boost the confidence you need to move in the direction of your dreams. Self-confidence creates positive changes. Your dreams truly are attainable. By making one choice at a time, you can choose to experience all that you desire. The sky is the limit!

None of these tricks is revolutionary; some of them are very simple. But I promise you that as you take new actions, your results will change. By making new choices frequently you will develop new habits. And, fresh habits will change the fabric of your life so that it unfolds in new and exciting ways. These 12 tricks are some of my favorite things, stuff that’s worked for me.
Pick and choose those that appeal to you, maybe just a couple at first, and give them a try. Have fun with this!

12 Tricks to boost confidence – Go for it with gusto

1. Dress Sharp

While clothes don’t make you the woman you are – they certainly affect the way you feel about yourself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personal appearance.
Ditch your old worn out garments or donate them to a charity. Build a wardrobe of clothes that make you look and feel amazing. Looking good in fabulous frocks will spike your confidence and make you feel marvelous. Win-win!

2. Walk Faster

One of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about herself is to examine her walk. Is it slow? tired? painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you aren’t in a hurry, you can increase your self-confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make you look and feel more important.

3. Good Posture

Research suggests that people with good posture have more confidence in their thoughts than slouchers. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically enjoy more confidence. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

4. Personal Commercial

One of the best ways to build confidence is listening to a motivational speech. Unfortunately, Tony Robbins isn’t always in your area. You can fill this need by creating a personal commercial. Write a 30-60 second speech that highlights your strengths and goals. Then recite it in front of the mirror aloud (or inside your head if you prefer) whenever you need a confidence boost.

5. Gratitude

Set aside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for. Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum. You’ll be amazed how much you have going for you and motivated to take that next step towards success.

6. Compliment other people

When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insults and gossip. To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people. Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you’ll become well liked and build self-confidence. By looking for the best in others, you’ll bring out the best in yourself.

8. Speak up

During group discussions many people never speak up because they’re afraid that people will judge them for saying something stupid. This fear isn’t really justified. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.

9. Practice Good Scents

One study found that women felt more confident in social, business and romantic situations when wearing perfume. Spritz on your favorite scent before walking out the door to ensure you feel fabulously self-assured.

10. Exercise

Physical fitness has a huge effect on self-confidence. If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By getting regular exercise, you improve your physical appearance, energize yourself, and accomplish something positive. Having the discipline to work out not only makes you feel better, it creates positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day.

11. Focus on contribution

Too often we get caught up focusing on our imperfections. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’re making to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about you own flaws. This will increase self-confidence and allow you to contribute with maximum efficiency. The more you contribute to the world the more you’ll be rewarded with personal success and recognition.

12. Flirt

Social psychologist Laura Kray, PhD, has demonstrated that smiling, laughing and engaging in slight physical contact when negotiating can help you win the day. Plus, it puts you in touch with your charismatic feminine energy, which is highly attractive to others. Flirtation can be like jet fuel for your confidence. Up, up and away!

So there you have it, a 12-step recipe to unshakable confidence.

Everyone deserves to live lives filled with love and loving connections.  So how can we intentionally create and experience more love?

The path to love really begins inside. This Rumi quote describes it perfectly:

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~Rumi

We’ve all had experiences and situations in our lives that have in effect, forced us to build protective barriers to guard our hearts.  When built, they may have served in protection, but the trick is to know when to allow your walls to collapse and let the old stories go. Once this happens, love pours in.

Too often, the lack of deep love in our lives comes from a lack of self-love and self-compassion. Many of our love barriers were created to protect ourselves from our own inner critic. Most of us are incredibly hard on ourselves. When faced with our flaws the negative self chatter starts: “I’m not good enough. I’m worthless.”

And of course, the goalposts for what counts as “good enough” seem always to remain out of reach. No matter how well we do, someone else always seems to be doing it better. The result of this line of thinking is sobering: Millions of people suffer from insecurity, anxiety, and depression, and much of this is due to self-judgment, to beating ourselves up when we feel we aren’t measuring up.

So what’s the answer?  Click here to read the full blog article and learn the secret to feeling more love.

Every now and then something floors me – shocks me. Makes me think it’s high time this changes. That’s how I felt when I read these statistics the other day….

Did you know that 75% of women are experiencing chronic stress?

I also read that 1 in 4 women over 40 are on anti-depressants.

Whooooah – that’s a lot of emotional distress going on, robbing you of your happiness.

I say the time is NOW to change this! Don’t you agree?

Because the reality is, either you or a woman you know is:

1. depressed
2. exhausted
3. suffering from heart ache

Or maybe you or a woman you know has gone from high functioning to low functioning and feeling stuck and frustrated.

I know getting unstuck and creating happiness can seem elusive – and you can spin your wheels waiting for things to change. I also know that you deserve to sparkle and have a life you love.

These women felt just like you and made a decision to stop waiting and take action.

The best thing I’ve received from the program is working through my emotions -bouncing back to a peaceful state quickly, loving and respecting myself has become easier and a priority in my life!  ~ G.H.

For the first time in I don’t know how long I feel free. I feel so free this moment, nothing is holding me back anymore and I feel so energized!! Its so easy now to shift back to my own calm and peaceful center – I now make myself a priority and say no to the things that I don’t want to do or don’t feel comfortable doing. Thank you Sherri Nickols and Sparkles for your support! ~C.S.

My greatest shift has been to finally realize that I am in control of my emotions. Before when I would start to get down, sometimes it was so hard to get out of the darkness, and trying to was painful. Using the tools on a consistent basis has really made a difference! ~ Gail D.

Here’s why I’m telling you this. These women made the choice to put themselves first so they could create a more joyful, fun-filled life.

So here’s what’s NEXT if you choose:

I just opened the doors to my SPARKLE 2 coaching program. If you are interested in feeling happy, gaining more emotional freedom and generally getting your life back on track then this would be a great next step for you.

—-> Click here to schedule a Free session to talk

and let’s see if the Sparkle 2 program fits your needs!

Smiling hugs,

Sherri

Sometimes life can feel like it’s never going to
turn around. Or you need a break but everyone needs YOU!

Well, I received this email from a client in my SPARKLE program and it reminded me how we are all just a commitment away from an easier life.
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Hi Sherri!
I know the coaching course just started but I felt that I needed to send this email to you to say thank you.

I have realized and learned so much about my behavior in relationship both with friends and boyfriends. I never thought that my mother’s death in cancer when I was 8 and growing up with my brother and father had so much impact on me. I now see why it’s been hard to let people close and why I have been so strongly in my masculine essence. This has been a milestone for me the past month.

I have also learned what I did wrong in my past relationship, so I followed my heart and intuition and sent an email to my ex explaining that I realized my mistake and that I take my part of the responsibility for the failure of our relationship. I now feel that the breakup is a blessing and it is one of the steps that led me to this course.

For a few weeks now that little nagging voice inside my head that always says “you’re not fit enough, look at that wrinkle, this is too hard for you” and so on, has now been silenced.

I used to say that I like myself, how awful is that?!?! I can now say that I LOVE myself 100%! I even had two guys checking me out today, I got so nervous I felt like I was 16 again!

I imagine my mother up in the clouds sitting there and cheering me on and saying “I am so happy for you, now it’s your time to live a full life of love and happiness!”

A thousand times thank you Sherri!! I am so grateful that you stepped into my life and I am so looking forward to the rest of the course! Thank you for being so encouraging and supportive to women! I wish you all the best that life has to offer!

Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you!

Sending you great big hugs!!!
Carolin
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So here’s the deal.. don’t give up on happiness!!!
Stay committed to what you want.

…AND.. I’m off to Africa next week to volunteer and speak to make a difference on the power of igniting your sparkle!

Wishing you an amazing week and remember to put yourself FIRST!