Ever look in the mirror and wonder, where did that happy-go-lucky, fun-loving woman go – who have I become?
Or see other ladies with attentive and adoring partners fawning all over them and wonder what do they have that I don’t?
When you want a richly romantic, passionate, soulful connection and no one is showing up (whether you’re single or in a relationship) it can be really frustrating. Know what I mean?
The solution is actually simpler than you might imagine. The key to happily ever after can be found in these three secrets:
#1 – Confidence: men find women with confidence positively irresistible and sexy. Confidence says you genuinely love and respect yourself. You exude an energy that’s magnetic, magical and mesmerizing. You know who you are and what you want. You don’t expect others to create your happiness. You take responsibility for your joy and you know how to create your joy, independently of others. This takes the pressure off your significant other and lures them in to your wild and wondrous web of fabulosity.
A super tip and quick way to build confidence is to do something outside your comfort zone every day. Being brave and taking bold steps builds confidence pronto.
#2 Sparkle: the first place to start is getting back your sparkle. This means “BEING” in “LOVE”! Many people interpret “being in love” in an other oriented way – I’m in love with my husband/boyfriend, I’m in love with my job, I’m in love with my dog, you get the picture. In truth when you allow yourself to BE – just being who you are, in the present moment here and now – and you allow yourself to fill up with love, becoming love – you are now, “ being in love”. There is no focus or dependence on any one else being the catalyst for you enjoying this extraordinary bliss. When you are in this state you sparkle. You’re happy, you’re excited, you’re having fun and you’re giving an abundance of authentic love to everyone you see. This is a fabulous place to be! From here you not only nurture the partnerships you already have – you attract relationships, friends, and situations that are equally as loving.
#3 – Laughing: give yourself permission to unleash your playful feminine spirit because to live a life of pleasure you must first know pleasure! So get in touch with your inner child – what did you like to do when you were young? As we grow older we often get way too serious. There is no room for frivolity if you are structured and serious.
If you are having trouble recalling what brought you happiness as a child, take a few minutes to sit down and reminisce about what you loved to do if you had even 10 extra minutes as a kid. Did you dance, draw, read, sing, bake? Chances are whatever you liked doing then you will still enjoy today.
Another fabulous benefit from laughing is that it opens the mind and heart, oxygenates your cells and gives you a fantastic glow, not only making you feel light and young, you will look years younger too!
Making fun and pleasure a priority is definitely essential to your happily ever after, so embrace your passionate, playful side and you will free yourself to live, laugh and love fully self-expressed.
In addition, bringing play into your relationship adds fun adventure, lightens any mood and opens the heart creating a nice bonding experience.
Plus, it will get your man to open up and talk more. If you are frustrated by your man’s lack of chit-chat get him relaxed and playful – believe me, he’ll start yappin’ up a storm.
Reconnect with the real YOU – the you that glows with Divine Love – from this place you shine your Diamond Power. When you find your playful, confident, feminine spirit you can turn a lonely, dull life into full on fireworks!
In my experience as a coach, and talking with women everywhere, I’ve discovered that the majority of us have a common desire: to be in a deeply loving and connected relationship. You are not crazy and it’s not too much to ask.
We are all on this planet to love and be loved. The key is an open heart.
Chances are you’ve gone thru something at some point in your life that was disappointing, hurtful or painful and without even knowing it you’ve set up a rock solid security squad to circle and guard your heart. You are not alone, we all do it.
So, how do you bust thru the protection and open up again? There are actually several ways to do this but one of the quickest and most pleasurable is to have FUN!
Being in a playtime spirit, you are in your heart right away!!! I promise you that if you keep adding playtime to your daily life, you will open your heart to receiving in so many incredible ways!
When’s the last time you laughed with your girlfriends until you had tears rolling down your cheeks? Or your ribs hurt so much and you couldn’t catch your breath? When was the last time you sat and caught up with the women in your life that ignite your soul’s passion?
My secret weapon to achieving balance in my life?
Resistance to change is probably the #1 reason people stay stuck in their life
If you crave something different in your life…say you want to get married or divorced or move or maybe you want to switch jobs but yet when the opportunity presents itself you shy away from it because deep down you are scared.
What if it doesn’t work out.. what if you make a mistake.. what if you can’t handle it. So you stay where you’re at and sink even deeper into a life you don’t love. Even though frustration and blah-ness builds you just can’t get yourself to take the first step.
I get it, just like you, I’ve been there …and that first step can be a doozy!!
Let me share a personal experience that speaks to this scenario.
There was a time not long ago I declared I wanted to be of higher service, reach more people, step up and out. I felt solid, bold and totally committed to this vision and declaration. Definitely excited, feeling it to the core of my being.
Within 2 months I was approached with the opportunity to be an international teacher/leader in a country that really needed support and assistance.
There it was, my golden chance – completely in alignment with my declaration…and yet I hesitated. Why? As much as my body was screaming and expanding with an emphatic YES, my mind was racing with all the reasons why it probably wasn’t a good idea…at this time. Maybe later.
I looked for outs all over the place, but every time I prayed I got one consistent simple response – GO.. PRONTO!
Even with God sending me messages as big as a universal billboard I had excuses – not enough time to prepare, so many projects on my plate, fear of speaking on a stage for the first time, fear of leading a group of transformational rock stars (did I have what it takes?) and then there was the financial piece…blah, blah, blah.
Fortunately, I discussed it with my coach and we figured it all out. Was I still scared and resistant – you bet! But I mustered the courage to leap and I thank God every day for giving me the strength because that experience was without a doubt one of the most significant and meaningful things I have done in my life. It added a depth of love and happiness and understanding to my being that is inexplicable – and I would have missed out totally had I stayed in resistance.
These are the 5 steps I took to conquer resistance and create the change I desired.
Unless you are highly aware, your resistance to the elements of change itself can prevent you from manifesting the things that will make you happy in your life – the things that will make you sparkle.
Here are 5 Steps to help you overcome resistance:
1) Connect with your “Why” – why is it important for you to make this change? A heartfelt, soulful WHY will propel you to overcome your fears. The WHY is usually connected to a deep emotional desire. So…what is your WHY? Take a moment and write it down.
2) Imagine your life 1 year from now. When I don’t want to do something I use this tool and it’s very enlightening. I imagine how I will feel in a year if I don’t do what I’m resisting and I imagine how I will feel if I do it. This provides the clarity and reality to motivate me to step over the resistance.
3) One step at a time – you don’t have to have it all figured out! Thinking you do can put you into confusion and overwhelm and more importantly keep you stuck. Do what you can, with what you have in this present moment. One step at a time. What is the first step you can take right now?
4) Create Accountability – there is a part of you that wants to move forward and there’s a part of you that doesn’t. And that part of you that doesn’t want to move forward usually wins by creating all sorts of excuses and distractions to keep you where you are – so accountability is key. Enroll a friend, hire a coach, do whatever serves you best to provide the structure and accountability to stay on track.
5) Take the leap! – You can do it!!! You’ll never know what awesome experience is on the other side unless you jump – don’t miss out!!
The truth is your life changes when you add something into it and most of the time you don’t want to change. Even if you say you do, it’s more comfortable hanging out with what you know – even if it’s not what you want.
So, if you are ready to conquer your resistance and you want my help
I recently returned from a business building event in Tahoe with my mentor Mary Morrissey (in pic above we are heading to a fun dinner on the lake after a long day of ninja strategizing/planning).
The theme of the week was “what would you love?” A simple question, right?
You can take this query into every aspect of your life…so take a minute and ask yourself, “What would I love?
The truth is if we aren’t focused on this precious question daily the undertow of “life” pulls us into a routine, Ground Hog’s day existence.
Over the course of the week I had the opportunity to interact with several people in regard to this question and just about everyone, whether single or married, declared a desire to be in a deeply connected, loving relationship.
Do you ever feel ashamed because there are times you just don’t want to do one more thing for anybody else?
Or maybe you are in the cycle of doing, doing, doing for everyone but yourself and then feel a wave of guilt when you decide to take time for you or set limits around your availability or what you’re willing to do for others?
Do you label yourself as “selfish” when you want to do something for yourself or even by yourself?
These questions may feel a bit uncomfortable (maybe even silly), but really think about this for a moment. How often do you do something for or with others because it just doesn’t feel right to focus on yourself? If you really delve deeper, I bet you’ll uncover these exact beliefs and feelings (or something very close) at the root of your actions or inaction.
These three culprits are notorious for tripping women up and keeping us from taking care of ourselves:
You bet, they can steal our serenity and keep us from being the sparkling diamonds we’re meant to be. Yet, our beautiful, brilliant, multi-faceted radiance cannot shine if we don’t take some time to polish and buff. Just like a diamond, we need self-care in order to really glitter and glow.
Let’s take a brief look at each of these:
Guilt – if you are like most women, you might feel guilty for taking time to replenish your own reservoir of life-giving energy. If, however, you intend to continue giving your time and attention to loved ones, the only way you can do this is to be kind and loving to yourself first. As odd as it may seem, the most loving thing you can do for the people you care about is to first take care of you.
So right now, right here, write down at least 1-3 things you can do to nurture you – and then do one of them!
Selfishness – sometimes others take advantage of your desire to serve. They can call at all hours of the day and night and expect you to be available at a moment’s notice, especially when they’re experiencing a crisis. When you get courageous enough, you may set boundaries around your availability. As soon as you do, an alarming voice might resound in your head, screaming at you about how selfish you are being. That distorted belief of what it means to be selfish kicks in and challenges you to wonder how you could ever think you were so special to deserve to put yourself first. Along with beliefs of selfishness come thoughts of how horrible you are.
To overcome this ask yourself what you get for buying into the belief that you are selfish. Then set a healthy boundary and stand strong.
Shame – felt right after selfishness is the third self-deprecating feeling. You feel ashamed for thinking you were so special or significant as to put yourself above another. The dance of blame and shame begins as another way to hold you back and keep you from taking care of yourself adequately.
Many women wrestle with these three feelings and beliefs. At the top of the heap is usually guilt. Ask yourself, “Who would I be without guilt?” Dig deep to see if you can get to the root of what holds you to these feelings of guilt because without guilt you can be a new woman—sparkling, replenished, refreshed, and ready to cheerfully give fully to others.
The best way to make this shift is to start making choices that honor your own value. For instance, if you decide to nurture yourself by going for a run and a friend calls to vent, either let the call go to voicemail or answer the call and let her know you’ll call her back afterward. When you allow others’ needs to take precedence over your own, you are not valuing yourself. It’s imperative that you make yourself the priority. You can then stop the guilt by reminding yourself that when you are out of balance, the quality of your giving will be less than adequate.
So take a break and take care of you. It will help reduce your own stress, keep you in good health, and allow you to be even more nurturing to others. Then, what others will get is the best version of you: the sparkling diamond that is YOU.
Getting over past loves was not easy for me. My low self-worth led me to behave in ways that make me cringe today. Thank goodness I found the tools to change – hallelujah!!! But that change didn’t happen over night.
When’s the last time you had a good laugh? I don’t mean a little chuckle, or texting LOL to a friend. I mean a real, joyful, throw your head back kind of laugh!
Research tells us we are more attractive to men (and everyone for that matter) when we laugh in their presence.
So the question arises, are you spending your free/fun time doing things that increase your joy and happiness?
Whether you are single or in a relationship: if you want some memorable co-mingling you’ll want to increase your love vibe by making sure you are behaving in ways that are in sync with the life you want to create!
Be honest. Are you spending your free time holed up in your own home or focused on completing your to-do list? If you are, yet deeply desire a loving relationship, you’ll need to make some serious changes.
Engaging in activities that leave you feeling unfulfilled, bored or disconnected will pull your energy down, making you less attractive and creating the opposite affect of what you want.
So make a conscious choice to reclaim your playful spirit. Be open, adventurous and daring! When you start having fun you will activate your inner sparkle and this in-love-with-life attitude will make you irresistible to the opposite sex.
Laughter is a way to increase your appeal pronto!!! It’s a fact that laughter helps us bond with others.
Ever heard the expression “Laugh and the world laughs with you”? Research shows that when we laugh, we tend to talk more, make more eye contact and do more of the things that help us connect with others.
“At the height of laughter, the Universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.” ~ Jean Houston
When you laugh, your brain responds by opening up to new perceptions. Your amusement creates your energetic state of being joyful that dispels anger, heals pain and releases stress.
There are other awesome benefits to laughing more as well: just hearing laughter helps to put us in a good mood, creating a positive emotional way of being.
You are sending a signal to your brain that you are in a state of happiness and relaxation. Correspondingly, your brain will shift your negative thoughts and emotions to the positive. This way of being is highly attractive and magnetic to others!
Basically, there are no downsides to laughter, and we should attempt to do it freely and more often!
Does this sound good? Ready to add more fun, joy, and laughter to your life?
Plan of Action:
Many of my clients use a Fun Journal – why not give it a try? Turn the first page into an index of 20 social situations that support your relationship goals and then act on one/week. Write about the outcome.
Here are 5 fun activities to get your journal started:
- salsa dancing
- meetup.com clubs
- day trips
- sporting events
- festival music events
Get out there and have some fun! When you’re enjoying life and laughing, you’ll become an incredible magnetic force for love and happiness!
Do you still carry a torch for your ex? Do you feel like no matter what you try you can’t let go? It’s like he’s claimed squatting rights in your mind and you can’t kick him out!
Not the best scenario – especially this time of year…everyone knows summer is the time for LOVE!
Over the years, I have witnessed clients, friends and even strangers so hooked into their past relationships that they let LOVE slip through their fingers during these warm sunny months.…so I have a question for you?
Who is responsible for the care of your heart?
Who decides how you are loved and respected and who you show love and respect to?
Don’t answer too quickly. Take a breath and go deep. Could you have given that job to someone who is no longer with you? Are you blaming yourself or him for the failings of your lost love?
If you answer yes, don’t despair. I know what it is like to mistakenly place responsibility for my happiness squarely on the shoulders of someone else and I also know how to reclaim my magnificence and today I know my value.
Why is it important to extricate yourself from the past while maintaining respect for your Ex? Simple.
Ahhhh the warm sensual days of summer have arrived…thoughts of romantic adventures dance thru your mind…until you stop and remember that the original heat, fire and chemistry are long ago forgotten, you and your sweetheart have settled into life. Children may have arrived on the scene or your two careers may be absorbing a big chunk of your time. Economic worries and aging parents might be pulling at your heart.
Things have changed between you and your man and you are not happy about it, right?
If you are like most of the women who contact me every day about their lackluster love lives, I bet your life is scheduled in lines and columns on a spread sheet. Did you know that this manic need to organize your time is part of the masculine energy that has been running your life?
More true than ever before, as women are stepping up to match men in earning power, being feminine is often viewed as being weak. Let me tell you a little secret, nothing could be farther from the truth. There is nothing more powerful than a woman in touch with her inner essence, that charismatic sparkle.
That sparkle, the shining light in the core of your being is leading you, whether you are aware of it or not, to the truth of who you are. Your masculine hard working self is important and you need it but unless you know how to access your femininity, your man will see you as a friend or buddy but not as a lover.
1. Planning: Everything is on your Daytimer, right? Is your love life? Probably not. Just as you plan your day or week, it is critical that you schedule time to nurture your relationship.
Some times my clients complain that this takes the romance out and I stop them in their tracks with this question: “How’s it working for you?” Dr. Phil asks that question all the time. If you are not getting enough romance, why not try scheduling, it can’t get you less romance than you have now, can it?
2. Prioritize: Once you schedule “Romance Time” on your calendar, treat it as you would the most important business meeting of your career. – No cancelling no matter what. Commit to creating a new connection with your man. Even if all you do is sit on the couch and watch a movie, scheduling that as Romance Time on your calendar sets an intention and that intention changes everything.
3. Prepare: Put yourself in your man’s shoes. Look at life through his eyes. What would HE consider fun? Where can you take him that would light him up? This is the time to let the party planner you out of the bag.Think FUN.
4. Propose: Think about this – what if you wanted to reconnect with a client who had disappeared for awhile? You would prepare a proposal, right? Well, your man may need a proposal too. To propose means to put forward for discussion. Don’t force your desires for reconnection on your man. Gently propose a change and be willing to listen.
5. Play: Once you have your plan in place it is time to let your Sparkle shine. Your man fell in love with that spark in you. Your playful flirty self was fully engaged and he loved that. Put aside the petty hurts and give him amnesty for a bad habit that is plaguing you.
Choose to see him with a sense of humor. This change in attitude will do wonders restoking his passion.
Are you ready to start? Summer is here, there’s not a minute to spare!
As women, we’re encouraged to “claim our feminine power.” But how? And what exactly is feminine power anyway?
The whole idea has been a bit confusing for forward-thinking females ever since the ’60s, and the women who have tried to claim their feminine power have experienced not only a loss of connection, balance, and intimate bonding in relationships, but a loss of personal happiness too.
With so few powerful feminine role models for women to emulate, “power” has been misinterpreted as masculine. And, as we donned the man’s boot, his uniform and became fluent in the man’s language, yes, we gained material success, but we lost the art and pleasure of being a woman.
Between daily demands, never-ending to-do lists, care-giving, and single-parenting, life is be overwhelming enough. And living at such a frenetic pace can lull you into a false sense of happiness . After all, you are doing all the right things, so life is good, right? Meanwhile, deep down there’s this nagging little voice that won’t go away, telling you there’s something missing. And there is.
To put it simply, you’ve lost touch with your feminine essence. Consequently, romantic relationships are either suffering or non-existent. Instead of soft, fun, flowing conversations, G-force power struggles are dominating.
That playful, sexy spirit got buried along with passionate, romantic adventures. Like many women, you may feel and look like a diamond in the rough rather than an enchantress lit by her own inner glow.
Fortunately, finding the road back to your sparkling diamond essence — what I believe is your true feminine power — is easier than you think … but you’ll need to identify and give up distractions that are toxic to your connection…to your authentic self. So, no more saying “yes” to every request that comes your way. Let your drama queen friend cry on someone else’s shoulder. Set boundaries with your kids, mate, boss and anyone else who crosses the line.
Let go of the rescue role. Most importantly, trade some of your daily to-dos for some personal pampering pleasures. Here is a short list of ways you can feed your feminine essence: