In my last article, we explored the power of charisma to attract and inspire. When you connect with your charismatic nature, you shine with a light that is irresistible to the people around you. However, sometimes we inadvertently disconnect from that light by engaging in self-defeating behaviors that dim our sparkle and leave us feeling lousy.
One way to immediately lose touch with your charisma is by comparing yourself to others. Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and boy, was he right! When you compare, you engage in a thought pattern that wreaks havoc with your self-image and takes away your inner light like nothing else.
The Dangers of Comparison
We live in a society that inundates us with images of other peoples’ “perfect” lives. Whether you’re flipping through a fashion magazine or scrolling through your Facebook feed, it doesn’t take much to start believing that you’re not measuring up or living as fully as you would love.
But you have to remember that you’re only ever seeing part of the picture. Fashion photography is always touched up, and your friends on social media mostly post about the good stuff. It’s impossible to know what’s really happening with other people, so when you compare yourself to their “outer world” as you see it, you’re comparing your reality against a perception that is rarely, if ever, based in fact!
Always Remember You Are Perfect
We’re all made uniquely and masterfully. When you compare yourself to others, what you’re doing is communicating the belief that you’re flawed, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! If you’re having a hard time believing that, try these tips:
- Push pause on your thoughts of comparison. Don’t deny the thoughts and don’t judge them. Just accept that they’re coming up, take a breath and repeat to yourself, “I am enough, I am a beautiful being, I am unique.”
- Focus on the truth. Ask yourself what you know to be true. Focus on your strengths and what’s good about your life. Then ask yourself how you can be your most sparkling self at this moment. How can you be your own best friend?
- Smile at yourself. If you find yourself falling into the comparison trap, look in the mirror, wink, smile, and say, “Hi Beautiful. You’re perfect just the way you are!”
I have a client who was dating somebody on and off for quite a while. She knew she was in love with him, but they weren’t exclusive. One night, she discovered that he was out on a date with someone else. Instead of getting upset, she empowered herself by repeating this truth, “ Whoever she is, she’s not me. I am a unique, beautiful woman. I know that I am lovable and high-quality – if this is the right guy for me, he’ll see that too.”
She and that man have now been married for twenty years! Why? Because the next time they were together, she didn’t show up in an anxious, jealous headspace. She held her own, refused to fall into the comparison trap and stayed solid in who she was, which made her irresistible.
Put Your Attention on Your Intention
If you have the intention of living a fabulous life, being centered and feeling good about yourself, but you continue to let your attention go to comparison, you’re going to find it nearly impossible to close the gap between your intention and where you are now.
Direct your energy towards your intention and take steps to support yourself in achieving that goal. This will keep you moving forward and allow your beautiful, charismatic self to shine through!
Last month, we explored a variety of ways you can step into your freedom and connect with your inner sparkle. When you’re tapped into that energy, you feel the light of God pouring through you, removing all the sludge that’s accumulated around your inner diamond so that your beautiful light can shine out into the world.
A few weeks ago 10 AWESOME and AMAZING women did just that at Soul Sparkle Retreat (pics above) – it was incredible and awe’ing to see them totally transform in less than 24 hours of their arrival. Intentions were made, fears released, hearts opened and deeply connected friendships born – that’s the power of immersion. I felt like a proud mama as I witnessed these lovely ladies LETTING GO of OLD haunting, hurtful beliefs and EMBRACING their vivacious, unique, feminine Divine essence to SHINE fully!. Simply stunning!
So this month, I want to celebrate that vibrant energy with a series of posts aimed at helping you do what these ladies did, connect with your natural charisma! You have it, it’s inside of you, all you have to do is bring it to the surface and let it shine like the bright August sun!
According to author and spiritual teacher, Marianne Williamson, charisma was initially a religious term meaning, “of the spirit,” or “inspired.” She writes, “Charisma is a sparkle in people that money can’t buy. It’s an invisible energy with visible effects”
This month, we’ve been celebrating independence with a series of posts aimed at helping you free yourself from limiting thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors so that you can move forward with clarity while inviting more love, joy, and fun into your life. I know this might sound counterintuitive, but one of the best ways you can create and nurture a sense of freedom for yourself, is by learning how to accept others exactly as they are.
Loosen Your Grip
It’s very common to want our loved ones, kids, friends, siblings even strangers to say things or behave in ways that we find acceptable and pleasing. However, having those expectations often sets us up for disappointment. If you think about it, what we are saying with this expectancy is, “you have to act this way in order for me to feel ok”. No wonder many of us are upset and frustrated much of the time – with this belief we give our power away, reliant on others to create our state of being. What an emotional roller coaster!
Growing up in a family where my brother was the golden child I got into this habit, very early on, in regards to my mother’s behavior towards me. If she said something sharp or gave me the silent treatment, my entire mood would change and I’d either become quiet and hurt or angry and explosive. I desperately wanted her to treat me with the love and kindness she showed my brother. This created years of conflict.
One day, my mom was upset about something that she refused to discuss. After several frustrating attempts to get her to share what was wrong, I went outside to get some fresh air and cool down. All of a sudden I was inspired to pray with a specific question that came into my mind: What would love do?
It was like I’d gotten this immediate download from God. At that moment, I was able to see and feel what was happening for my mother emotionally; her hurts and disappointments in life. That shift allowed me to stop making it about me and my pain and move into a deep compassion for my mom that filled my heart and soul. When I walked back into the house, not only had this experience shifted me,it had changed her too. She opened up and told me what had been bothering her, and we were finally able to connect. This was the first time EVER and it was the beginning of a beautiful new relationship with my mom.
Tips for Becoming More Accepting of Others
As soon as I started accepting my mom for who she is, no matter what her behavior towards me, our relationship began to evolve. So, the next time you find yourself in that rigid place, working to change or fix another person, I encourage you to use the following tips:
- Take three big breaths. If someone says something that upsets you, take three big breaths before you respond. Breathing interrupts your reactive patterning and calms your central nervous system allowing you to become more neutral and peaceful. This is always a better place to come from when responding 🙂
- Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Most of the time, when we find ourselves getting angry, it’s because we think something is happening to us, but it’s far more likely that whatever is going on, has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person. Try creating a scenario. Maybe that person just got fired, or they found out their child is sick. Imagine as many possible scenarios as you can that have nothing to do with you.
- Bless the other person silently. When you bless somebody, what you’re doing is sending them love, which has the power to dissipate anger energy and allow you to approach the other person with compassion. You don’t need to do this out loud, focus your mind on the blessing and send that loving energy in the other person’s direction.
Remember to ask yourself, “What would love do?” and know that by accepting your friends, partners, and family members exactly as they are, you’re not only freeing yourself from unnecessary stress, but you’re also offering them the opportunity to be authentic and vulnerable with you, which can only benefit your relationship over the long term.
Alright, ladies, it’s time to learn how to free yourself from mind and body fatigue!!. If you are like most women you’re on overdrive, expecting yourself to get more done in a day than you used to do in a week a decade ago. Our lives have become so busy!!! Between the career, the kids, the aging parents, family and friends we are often dropping into bed exhausted physically and mentally every night.
Would you like to change that?
Click on this interview to learn simple, quick things you can do to go from fatigued to energized AND improve your memory and mental health. Viva la freedom!
This week, I want you to focus on how to put these tips into practice to become your most vibrant, vivacious, vital Self!
Alright, ladies, you’ve already declared to have more fun, speak your mind and take better care of yourself in July. . For this week, I want you to focus on reframing those beliefs that limit expansion and keep you from becoming your most divine, free and sparkling self.
Open Up a Corner of Your Mind
When Napoleon Hill was researching his seminal work, The Laws of Success, which would later become Think and Grow Rich, he had the opportunity to talk with Andrew Carnegie. Carnegie told Hill that he wanted him to look in the mirror every day and tell himself that he would surpass Carnegie in wealth.
To Hill that was preposterous. Carnegie was the wealthiest man in the world! But he did it. For weeks, Hill looked into the mirror and repeated the mantra that Carnegie had given him. Hill said that at first, he could barely look at himself. But by the third week, there was a little corner of his mind that started believing it was possible.
Reimagine What’s Possible for Yourself
One of my clients believed there was a glass ceiling in her industry she could not break through. She wanted to make more money and have a flexible schedule so that she could spend more time with her daughters but she had become convinced that her boss would never say yes to either.
We worked on her vision first, what it would look like and feel like to live that life. Next we discovered the beliefs that didn’t support her vision – beliefs that had been with her most of her life giving her false perceptions about what was possible for her. After reframing those new beliefs her action step was to talk with her boss…and when she did it was a home run! She ended up with higher pay than anyone in her industry, and the flexible work schedule she’d wanted!
How to Begin Reframing Your Beliefs
If you’re ready to free yourself from the beliefs that have been holding you back from achieving your heart’s desire, these tips can help.
- Create a vision. Your mind thinks in pictures, so you need to see your dreams vividly to believe they’re possible.
- Look at the fears or thoughts in conflict with that vision. Identify them, name them and then reframe them with new empowering thoughts. One way to do this is with mirror work. Just like Napoleon Hill, look in the mirror every day and speak your new beliefs out loud.
- Have the courage to act. At some point, you will need to take action and do something you may have never done before. Even though my client created new beliefs, she was still nervous and anxious about talking to her boss, but she faced that fear and did it anyway.
Remember, no matter what the outcome, you win. If it works out, fantastic! If it doesn’t, hold the belief that this is what it looks like on the way to achieving your dreams. This belief will move you forward energetically and support you on the road to building your best, most sparkling life!
If you don’t think you can believe it for yourself, let me believe it for you. I have been doing this work for ten years and have seen some incredible transformations. Whenever you’re ready to unleash your inner sparkle, I’ll be cheering you on!
If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, then you know I often talk about the importance of setting boundaries with other people. But it’s equally as important to set boundaries with yourself. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Sherri, this whole month is about declaring my independence! Why are you talking about boundaries?” While boundaries might sound rigid, creating them is an essential first step towards setting yourself free!
Setting Boundaries Around Your Thoughts
One summer morning, I went out early, and I saw a woman walking her dog. It was a big dog, but you could tell he was still a puppy, and he was going nuts! First, there was a bird he wanted to chase, then it was a squirrel, then a gardener revved up his lawnmower, and the dog tried to dart across the street. Every time he tried to run off, his owner tugged on his collar, sometimes gently, sometimes with a little more force.
I looked at that dog, and thought, “This is how we are with our thoughts.” They take our attention here, there and everywhere. They zap our energy, hold us captive and keep us from becoming our glorious, sparkling selves. We have to rein them in just as that woman did with her dog.
With July 4th right around the corner, now is the perfect time to focus on manifesting a sense of freedom in your daily life. This month’s posts will be all about helping you shake free of the thoughts, beliefs, and actions that have been holding you back from achieving your dreams, so you can declare your independence, step into your diamond power and have a sparkling good time this summer and throughout the year!
Declare to Have More Fun
One of the most common complaints I hear from women is that they don’t have fun anymore. I was talking to a client who’s attending my upcoming retreat, and I mentioned to her that we’d be doing some belly dancing to connect and liberate our feminine essence (any form of dancing is a quick, easy way to get out of our heads and into our bodies and have fun!). She commented she wasn’t much for dancing and while she didn’t say much more than that, I was pretty sure I knew why.
So many of us have a fear of looking foolish or being judged by other people. Many women don’t allow themselves the freedom to express through body movement because of these fears. Truly nothing stops the flow of fun quicker than the fear of being judged – you stiffen, contract and box yourself in – almost like putting on a straight jacket. It’s almost impossible to have fun when you feel so constrained! On the other hand, as soon as you release the fear of looking silly, you’re able to let loose and have a great time. Make the declaration that you are letting go of caring what others think and you are free to have fun!
Declare to Speak Your Truth
In my coaching practice, I meet a lot of women who are afraid to say what’s important to them because they don’t think they’ll be heard or taken seriously. But when we hold our thoughts and suppress what we want to say day in and day out, we start to feel very heavy. Speaking your truth allows you to live in integrity with yourself and honor your own needs as much as everyone else’s. It brings a lightness to your spirit, a sense of expansion and empowerment.
One of my clients recently began to speak freely with her boyfriend about things she’d never felt comfortable bringing up before. She’d always been careful to think about what was in his best interests, and now she’s addressing what’s in her best interests as well. He was a little surprised at first and didn’t know how to react to this change in her behavior, but she feels incredibly empowered and free.
When you start speaking your truth, you may find that others don’t respond well at first, because they are used to you being and acting in a certain way. Know that by speaking up and setting new boundaries not only are you growing, but you are actually providing them with the opportunity to grow too, even if it doesn’t look like it initially. Believe me, it’s a win/win!
Declare to Nourish Your Mind, Body, and Well-Being
You may decide that this is the month you’re going to release those last five pounds you’ve been holding onto or finally get back into your favorite old jeans that have been hanging in your closet for two years. If so, fantastic! AND you can also make July the month you start meditating/praying, moving your body more or getting more sleep. This declaration is about being more caring to yourself and your body, worrying less about everyone else and focusing on what makes you feel like your most gorgeous, sparkling self.
Declare to Create Balance in Your Life
Just because the kids are out of school doesn’t mean that you have to be at their beck and call every second of the day. Set some boundaries and declare your freedom from the commitments you don’t want to make. Start saying “no” instead of “yes,” and don’t feel guilty about it! Your life doesn’t have to revolve around your kids’ and other people’s demands.
Which of these declarations speak to you? Do you have one of your own for July? Leave a comment below and tell me how you’re going to revel in your freedom this summer!
One of the reasons I love this season is because there is no shortage of opportunities to get out and have some fun. However, so many of us are stuck in the same old routine, hitting the same beaches, staying at the same hotels, and attending the same annual holiday BBQs. There’s nothing wrong with tradition – if that tradition brings you joy – but why not make this the “Summer of New Sparkling Adventures” by trying something you’ve never done before?!
Break Out of Your Summer Rut
I have a client who came to one of my workshops last summer. At the age of 50 that trip marked the first time she’d ever gotten onto a plane by herself! She’d come from a big family, married young, had kids and had never thought of going away without them. She confided that while she’d always wanted to do something for herself, she felt selfish even considering it.
A lot of women think it’s selfish to do something they want to do. They think, “I shouldn’t spend the money,” or they worry about what their families will think if they take off alone.
The truth is this…Click here to discover an easy way to break out of your rut.
PS Soul Sparkle Retreat is SOLD OUT! If you missed this one and know you want this experience send us your info and we’ll put your name on the top of the list to contact for next year’s retreat!!
This month, we’re celebrating summer with a series of posts aimed at getting you ready to reveal your gorgeous selves to the whole wide world. I’m not just talking about how to feel good in a bikini—although for some of us, getting there is a major win! I’m talking about developing the confidence to reveal your true diamond essence so that you can live a life that sparkles with love and joy.
I know all of you out there want to live that life, and you’re certainly all deserving of it but you may not know how to get there. Here’s the thing, getting there starts with having an awareness of what’s blocking you. Most of my clients come to me because something in their life went askew and they need help figuring that out and getting a plan for how to move forward. Don’t feel bad if you haven’t figured it out on your own – to quote Les Brown, “It’s hard to see the picture when you are the one in the frame.”
Often, we’re stymied by a belief that isn’t true, a fear we’ve picked up in childhood or a protective mechanism that’s no longer serving us.
The trouble with these very common issues is that they’re often lurking just beneath our conscious awareness, driving us to behave in ways that can negatively affect our relationships and keep us from moving forward. Here’s the good news: overcoming these obstacles is simple when you are open and willing to give up the lone ranger syndrome and ask for a little help.
When Criticism Is a Good Thing
Most of us want to be the most sparkling, fabulous version of ourselves we can be – and that can be challenging without a caring support system to give you some honest feedback. And while the idea of exposing yourself to other people’s perceptions of you might be daunting, there are ways you can go about it that will keep things safe, constructive and loving.
- The first step is to check in with yourself. Make sure you are coming to this process from a place of curiosity and a genuine desire to learn about yourself. Remember, you’re mining for diamonds, removing the sludge that’s accumulated over a lifetime so that you can shine more brightly and be the person you truly are!
- Next, you want to make sure that you choose the right people. Pick three people in your life who you know love you and want what’s best for you.
- Make it clear that your intention is to grow as a person and improve your relationship. Ask them to give you feedback in a way that is constructive. Tell them you’re interested in hearing how they perceive you and that you want to know if you’re doing anything that feels manipulative, controlling or less than lovely.
- Give them time. It’s important to recognize that people might be afraid to tell you what they think so let them know that they don’t have to answer right away. However, put a time frame on the request and don’t allow it to extend beyond a week.
- Don’t take it personally but do take it seriously. Understand that whatever is reflected back to you, isn’t meant as an insult and remind yourself that you asked for the feedback. I remember right after my divorce asking a good friend of mine how I showed up in life – man it was painful to hear but in my gut I knew he was right. His honest share proved to be a powerful catalyst for my growth and transformation. On the flip side keep in mind that everyone has had their own experiences in life which give them their unique perspectives – what they share may NOT feel like a truth and that’s ok. No need to get defensive – keep reminding yourself you requested the feedback – let it flow.
- Make them a partner in this conversation. Ask them how you might improve or show up for them in a meaningful way to evolve the relationship or who you are in life.
No matter what you hear, even if you don’t think it’s true, be grateful to them for the feedback and be compassionate to yourself. This exercise is very challenging, but it has the potential to take you and your relationships to a glorious new level. When you do give this a try, leave a comment below and let me know how it went!
PS. If you would like to be free of the thoughts that haunt you and hurt you, Soul Sparkle Retreat would be a great benefit for you. It’s not just the week-end, it’s what happens afterwards that changes your life completely:)
Simply click here to sign up to speak with me to see if this retreat is a good fit for you. If you are ready to shut the door on the patterns that keep you stuck book a time to chat with me – this is your moment, it will be another year till the next retreat. Give yourself the gift of getting unstuck NOW!
Summer is here, which means it’s time to come out of hibernation and stand in the dazzling light of day! In my last post, Self-Love Tips for an Incredible Summer [Insert Link will do once complete], we learned some great tools to deepen acceptance around our bodies so that we can stand in our sparkling brilliance all season long. But for many of us, our bodies aren’t all that we’ve been hiding.
So many women are struggling to connect with the people in their lives, or they want to take their closest relationships deeper but don’t know where to begin. Great relationships are all about connection. The key to connection is allowing others to feel us. This means speaking straight from your heart, being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be truly known.
For competent women who are used to being in charge and in control, opening up like this can be very scary. We get so attached to the potential outcome and worry that by expressing our fears, needs, desires, and yes, even our love to another person, they will judge us, abandon us, stop loving us or think we are weak.
So, what do we do?
We attempt to control the outcome – we control what we say and how we say it, we do our best to be perfect, often hiding what we really want to say. In our attempt to orchestrate the best outcome – we not only monitor what we say, we often try to control others in the process. That rarely turns out the way we want because we are speaking from our heads instead of our hearts. When we do that, the other person can’t FEEL us and when someone can’t feel you they generally tune out or turn off! The exact opposite of what we are looking to create; deeply bonded relationships.
PS. If you would like to open your heart and be free to share your love in a way that creates meaningful relationships Soul Sparkle Retreat would be life changing for you. It’s not just the week-end, it’s what happens afterwards that changes your life completely:).
Simply click here to sign up to speak with me to see if this retreat is a good fit for you. If you are ready to heal and open your heart book a time to chat with me – this is your moment, it will be another year till the next retreat. Give yourself the gift of living with FULL SPARKLE NOW!