Your sister sends you a text. She needs help with the kids tomorrow afternoon so she can get to the hairdresser appointment she scheduled for herself a month ago.
Your best friend calls. She’s had a fight with her man and wants to vent. Your boss calls and asks if you can show up to work an hour earlier than usual and plan to work an extra shift because a co-worker just called in sick. Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
When your friend called, you were about to run out the door for a jog. You, too, had a hair appointment scheduled for tomorrow, in dire need of your own “root control,” plus had made plans to meet up with another friend after work tonight. But, how can you tell these people who need you about your own plans? You decide you can’t. You won’t. You’ll suck it up and be there for those reaching out to you. After all, they need your help more than you need anything for yourself. Right?
Are you a nurture ninja? Is it normal for you to set aside your own needs? Do you sometimes dismiss that you have needs of your own?
After you call everyone back and let them know you’ll be there, you look in the mirror and wonder where your youthful glow has gone. You wonder when you lost the sparkle in your eyes.
Did you know you have an ally? It’s true, your fabulous feminine side is waiting in the wings to help you reinvent your life!
Thank goodness, because have you ever felt like it’s up to you to do everrrrrrrrrything?
Sure you’re capable, competent and a rock star woman who can handle anything, but deep down don’t you long for a man to step up to the plate and take over at times? I mean mama mia come on now, some support would be nice, right?
I totally hear you. When I was married I was always caught up in this conflict- wanting my other half to take care of something, anything – but if I had to wait longer than a nanosecond it was too late, I took it on myself. Because I could do it quicker and better myself…sound familiar, love?
Well this proved pretty disastrous in my relationship and when things crumbled I had to cop to the fact I’d been living in my masculine energy way more than my feminine.
Why this is important for you:
Maybe you’re noticing you’re living a similar action oriented life and are feeling EXHAUSTED but not sure how to get off the hamster wheel.
I was exhausted too and invited a good friend to help me SEE me. After he pointed out I needed a refresher course in the fine art of being a woman, I realized I had to make major changes that were uncomfortable for me. Breathing life into my feminine nature became my sole focus. Even though flirting and dressing in a more girly style were good first steps, I knew that this was more than a surface job.
I had to dig deep and create a new mindset if I was going to pull this off.
Years of conditioning and choice making based in fear and doubt had left me in a vicious tug of war between “I can do this” and “This is too hard.” Even though I had seen evidence that my feminine nature had a power and magic all of its own, I still reverted to my old masculine style of rigid control most of the time.
Thankfully, an idea floated up during one of my never miss meditations. Maybe I could find a feminine role model to get some ideas. Certain I knew someone who was living out the sensual feminine life style that I craved, I searched my address book (yes that was back in the day LOL but I have to admit I still prefer an address book I can visually see!) for help.
Well, two names jumped right out to me. I dialed them up and arranged a tet-a-tet to learn about their natural sensual sense – and believe you me, I took notes! As we were talking I watched their gestures, their stance, their faces and most importantly, I watched how men acted around them.
These women had an ease and comfort with themselves that I couldn’t relate to. They exuded sexiness. Their flirtiness was so natural and engaging that when they came into the room, all of the men looked their way and the single men flocked to them.
With their support and counsel, I stepped gingerly into the ring. I was scared, nervous and wanted to throw up, but I was determined. If these ladies could do it, by golly, I could do it too. Although I stumbled a bit along the way, eventually I found a sense of confidence and became comfortable allowing my sensual self to awaken.
I even discovered that if I assigned my masculine side the job of organizing and expediting the birth of my feminine side, I could create an inner congruence that truly transformed my relationship with myself.
If you don’t have a flirty role model, you might pick someone in pop culture you admire. Or look to historical figures – Princess Diana was a fabulous flirt. That fantastic sideways glance of hers was killer and her uber charm seemed to ooze effortlessly.
I’m not suggesting you are not enough on your own or that you have to be something other than yourself; no, it is just that without a well developed feminine side, it’s helpful to study a woman who has that “it” factor and then make it your own unique essence.
The exciting news is it’s possible! All you have to do is create a plan and take actionable steps to get you there. Now there is one caveat, this is not about comparing yourself—it will just make you feel less than. One trick I do to keep my role models from intimidating me, or rather my shy little girl feminine Self, is to be grateful for the gift they are giving me by living fully into their most magnificent Self.
Being inspired by others is God’s gift to you—His way of giving you an example to learn from so that you will know how to manifest the same in your life.
Here’s how you do it:
- Frame a picture a celebrity, public figure, relative, or friend you admire and place it in clear view so that you are reminded of the traits you want to embody.
- Write down what makes them so sensual; their attitude, their behavior and their language.
- Take time every day to look at the photo of your Feminine Flirty Role Model and say out loud, “I honor your traits of ______________ , and know I can own them too! I deserve to be cherished and supported.”
- Sit in a chair, close your eyes and breathe into this affirmation. Pull the persona into your core with each breath. What it would be like to possess these qualities for yourself.
- Thank God that your subconscious mind is working night and day instilling the new demeanor you desire and willingness to ask for the support you crave.
Do this for 30 days and notice how your mind opens up, how your thoughts and movements change – even if its subtle. All you need is a 1% shift and you can gain HUGE results. As you let go of your “I can do it myself” Self and slide into your feminine essence pay attention to the support that shows up! Happy shifting, love!
When I woke up this morning I was thinking about you.
Wondering what I could share with you today that would bring more love and joy into your life – not just in this moment but repeatedly, in your everyday life. Something simple and powerful.
And instantly a successful technique that I use and teach my clients popped into my mind.
This process not only opens and softens your heart; it raises your love vibe within 60 seconds.
What you need to know:
If you want to attract more love into your life it’s crucial to BE in the same vibration. You know that saying, “water finds its own level?” well it’s the same with love and actually everything in life – you must BE what you desire in order to draw it to you.
Using this technique before a book signing not only allowed me to experience amazing heartfelt connections, it brought opportunity too; a very cute guy asked me out and a lovely lady invited me to do 3 more book signings at different locations.
Click on the video below – I want you to attract whatever it is your heart desires, so watch this short 2 minute video to get your love vibe soaring!!!
Are you blaming yourself for past relationship problems? Here is the answer you have been looking for.
Everyone knows spring is the time for fresh new starts and cleaning out the clutter….but what if you are still haunted by your Ex or a partner’s affair? Over the years, I have watched my clients, friends and even strangers so hooked into their past dramas that they weren’t in a space to let new LOVE in.…so I have a question for you?
Have you delegated the care of your heart to someone who is either no longer with you or doesn’t deserve that precious gift? Are you blaming yourself or him for the failings of your lost love?
If you answered yes, you are not alone. Many women are in the same boat. I too mistakenly placed responsibility for my happiness squarely on the shoulders of someone else in the past but thankfully I learned the tools to reclaim my Diamond Power and today I know my value.
Why is it important to make peace with past or troubled relationships? Simple. Now that the bond is broken,
Your ability to regroup and rebuild your self esteem will go much faster if you appreciate the good and the bad that your relationship brought to your life. Yes, even the BAD. That will allow you the freedom to start enjoying your life again.
If your Ex or partner behaved badly, or broke your heart you may not want to let go of the “he did me wrong” song and hey I know it hurts to be deceived and rejected but it hurts more to hang onto it. I bet you anything that you got so involved with him and his life that you have taken all the focus off your wonderful self. You are beautiful and amazing and deserve a love-filled life!
It is time for YOU!
Here is a short Self Respect quiz to check it out:
1. When is the last time you congratulated yourself for something you did or do you always see what you didn’t get done?
2. Do you notice when you are tired and stop to nurture yourself or are you driven to manic activity with no rest?
3. Are you an over achiever pushing yourself constantly and never feeling good enough?
4. Do you compare yourself to others and see yourself as less than they are?
5. Are you stuck blaming him for your low self-esteem?
In other words, do you respect, love and totally accept yourself?
If you don’t treat yourself well, no one else will either. You teach others how to respect you by how you respect yourself.
You will find clues in life patterns that started in childhood.
How did your parents treat each other – were they respectful? If judging and blaming was the norm, chances are you suffered from emotional and verbal abuse, not because your parents meant to harm you but because they were blind to how their actions were impacting you.
If the only time you got positive attention was when you accomplished something, you can bet you confused those accolades for LOVE.
Women who battle performance addiction and are insatiable people pleasers are my favorite clients! Once you know how to unleash your god-given spark…what you were put here to express, there is no holding you back!
Even though as a child, you didn’t have the ability to sort out fact from fiction and believed everything your parents and authority figures told you, once you find your sparkle, your truth, you will finally see that their beliefs were based on THEIR experiences and had nothing to do with you at all.
The truth is, they meant no harm—they were just repeating the patterns they grew up with. The big difference is that you are reading articles like this. You WANT to change your patterns. You WANT to find LOVE and SELF RESPECT.
What you must get is that your current view of yourself is not who you are. The reality is you were born perfect. A shimmering diamond of light vibrates at the core of your being. This is your true identity – your Diamond Power.
This unique essence, your truth, is so incredibly SPECIAL and VALUABLE that when you start to claim it, you feel the Real Love you were born to experience. And that is the ultimate freedom.
Here is a short exercise to help you take steps right now to find that Inner Sparkle that will set you free to find the Love you deserve:
Sit in a comfortable chair and take in several deep breaths. Allow your body to relax and sink into the chair. Imagine a beam of pure, sparkling Divine white light coming down from the heavens and shining on you like a spotlight on a dark stage.
See the darkness around you and feel the warmth and comfort of this pure light. Now let the light enter in to the top of your head illuminating you from within. Imagine this light dropping to the core of your Being, see your heart light up just like a Tiffany diamond showcased under the brightest of lights.
Like a lotus flower of light, notice how the facets of this gem open into new waves of sparkling electricity with every breath. Repeat this simple phrase 7 times. “I am open to the magnificence that is me.” Each time you connect to this energy, you will feel a deeper connection. Once you turn your attention inward and seek your Divine Diamond Spark, the past will be the farthest thing from your mind and heartJ)
Are you blocking yourself from love?
If you’re a strong, capable, independent woman, you may absolutely be keeping love at arms length without even realizing it! I know that’s hard to hear but it’s true.
Here’s what you need to know:
It’s wonderful to be able to take care of yourself, but if you are in a romantic relationship and you’re favoring your masculine side you are probably creating a wedge between you and your man! And the crazy thing is we don’t even see it!
I hear about this dilemma all the time with my female clients. The truth is we are so very capable – the trick is to be discerning with our capabilities. It’s crucial we learn when and how to flip to feminine so we stop blocking love unknowingly. It truly is a blind spot ladies!!!
You may ask- “Why?” Arguing you like being capable – it makes you feel empowered. And I totally get it, but here’s the thing – we all want to experience true love. And whether you are in a relationship or single, women with masculine energy create an invisible barricade against men, hindering their own ability to attract and maintain healthy, loving relationships.
Ay yi yi, is that what you want?
To avoid this wedge you want to get honest and ask yourself the question,
“Am I blocking love?”
Get honest and ask yourself, “ Do I exude masculine energy?” Millions of women in today’s world have ramped up their masculine sides. It’s been necessary to embrace the male traits in order to be successful in business, run households and accomplish endless day-to-day tasks. Unfortunately, there is a price to be paid for this yin-yang imbalance. When you lose touch with your yin (femininity), and amplify your yang (masculinity), you create an unseen armor against men and love.
You see, inside of each of us are the traits and characteristics of both masculine and feminine energy. The masculine side is driven, competitive, protective and solution-oriented. The feminine side is collaborative, multi-tasking, intuitive, receptive, magnetic and flowing. Balancing the two is a beautiful dance. When in harmony, your masculine and feminine aspects are complementary, not opposing, and interact to achieve great success in all aspects of life, including love.
However, it’s often true that successful, independent women over-utilize their masculine energy. While your masculine energy can propel your career, it can also wreak havoc in your relationships by blocking love. Here are the five ways that you block love when you exude masculine energy:
1. You send the message: “You’re not needed.” Are you so independent, capable and strong that it makes a man feel like he has nothing of value to offer? Men need to feel needed. It helps enhance their esteem and makes them feel great when they can help you. If you send the message “I am perfectly capable of doing it all myself, thank you very much,” you’ll leave no room for your man to show his love and support. After being shut down, your partner may search outside of your relationship for a way to fill his deep-seeded need to contribute.
2. You emasculate your man. If you’re the type of woman who “wears the pants” in the relationship, you’re forcing your partner to be the one wearing the dress, meaning, if you operate more in your masculine, your partner will be more in his feminine. For most men, this feminine energy is difficult to maintain. Even a sensitive man needs to be in touch with his masculinity. Men operating from the feminine become exhausted and depleted and thus will experience an urge to pull away or shut down.
3. You lose touch with yourself. Allowing your masculine side to dominate your life will rob you of your radiance. It disconnects you from your essential feminine essence. You absolutely shine when you embody your unique feminine radiance! Connecting to your femininity is essential to nurturing your soul and connecting with your playful, sensual, authentic Self. From this joyful feminine energy, you become allluring to men who seek to love and adore you.
4.You become unattractive. Masculine women aren’t attractive to men because opposites attract. A successful, healthy, masculine man will be searching for an authentic, feminine woman. Even if you are a beautiful woman, men will likely find you unattractive if you are living from your masculine energy.
True desirability has more to do with the way a person makes us feel than by how they look. Real magnetic attraction is created when a person makes us feel wonderful. Men feel wonderful when they are in their authentic masculine energy. A feminine woman knows how to make her man feel like a man. This causes him to feel so good; he is drawn to her like a powerful magnetic force.
5. You create competition. Masculine energy is competitive. If you’re vying for power in your relationship, you’re killing the connection to love. Competing with your man sends him a signal that you are opposing forces rather than a team. Happy, bonded relationships exist when each partner encourages and supports the other. If you’re busy trying to gain the upper hand and control your man, he’ll feel more like a servant than a partner, and your attraction to each other will wither away.
It’s time to remove the blocks to love! Women possess a sparkling brilliance when we’re connected to our raw feminine power. Knowing the ways your masculine energy blocks love allows you to make conscious choices to embrace your femininity. This return to your divine, feminine energy will remove the blocks to love and open the doors to a juicy and fulfilling relationship.
Have you ever been in a situation where you really wanted to create connection with someone and either couldn’t find any common ground or got anxious and clammed up?
It’s frustrating when you deeply desire a kindred spirit relationship and it just doesn’t seem possible, isn’t it? When that distance comes flooding in do you start to feel hollow and lonely, isolated, slamming yourself with, “what’s wrong with me, why can’t I open up and connect?”
It’s true, we just naturally hit it off with some people where we struggle with others (especially if we have a “past” with them and can’t let it go – we tend to over analyze what we think we should say and it comes out stiff or guarded – no connection going to happen that way:).
So how do you “create” connection?
It’s actually easier than you think. Here are 4 simple ways to engage with others – do any one of these and you will feel your hearts start to open and sync with each other.
I was recently reading Dr. Henry Cloud’s book on Boundaries and there’s a part where he comments on a conversation he had with a client – it reminded me of many of the talks I’ve had with my clients and thought it might be helpful for you.
Dr. Cloud’s client was proud of the major progress she had made setting boundaries with her partner, kids and co-workers yet this particular day she said she had a new boundary issue.
Her conversation went something like this, “I haven’t told you about this relationship before, though I guess I should have. I have tremendous boundary problems with this woman. She eats too much and has an attacking tongue. She’s undependable and let’s me down all the time. And she’s spent money of mine and hasn’t paid me back in years.” Dr. Cloud asked her why she hadn’t mentioned her before and she answered, “ Because it’s me.”
Have you had a similar experience doll?
Pogo Possum, cartoonist Walt Kelly’s swamp character sums it up pretty well, “ We have met the enemy and he is us”.
Most of us suffer with this conflict – vowing to do something, breaking our commitment and then beating ourselves up – ay yi yi such a hellacious cycle! We need to break that no good sequence pronto!
Here’s how you do it.
It’s pretty simple and boils down to practicing self-love on a daily basis to honor all that you are. Are you including that in your daily routine love? If you are like most women the answer is no. You get busy, you get distracted, you minimize your accomplishments, you let your limiting patterns run your life and you forget to fawn over YOU! Because amnesia is so common reminders are essential!!
Follow these 7 tips to set some strong personal boundaries:
1) Write yourself a love letter. I mean really gush all over you. You are digging for your diamonds here so get out your pick, put on your mining hard hat and start excavating. If this is hard for you or you draw a blank ask a good friend or family member to help you discover your dazzle.
2) Combat the critics. Ah yes, the stealth committee of your mind—always at your service to run you over the coals. When they show up en force simply say, “Thank you for sharing, but no thanks! I choose to live with brilliance not bullying.”
3) Speak your truth—at all times, no matter what. Even if you think the conversation will be hard, show up with honesty and come from love. This honors who you are as well as the recipient.
4) Practice self-care. Listen to your body and take care of your needs! Eat when you’re hungry, sleep when you’re tired, get a massage, indulge in a mani pedi, exercise, and kick any destructive habits/addictions like alcohol, drugs, and food abuse. You may need a village to help you and that’s okay. Don’t be afraid to reach out—you are worth it! There is plenty of support waiting to help you shine
5) Accept yourself—no matter what your race, color, height, weight or gender, just accept the facts. You cannot change these things. If you don’t accept them you will cripple yourself—let go of what you cannot change and choose to celebrate instead.
6)Find evidence that supports how wonderful you are!
Every day you are going to be faced with situations that challenge your state of being, but when you understand that your heart inherently holds the blueprint for love, joy and happiness and all you have to do is tune in you’ll discover you’re not so burdened when things go awry. And ultimately, when you fall in love with YOU, the world will too!
7) Celebrate your accomplishments!! Toast them with a friend or your partner, buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to a massage – do something to make a big deal of what you’ve done. I just had this conversation with a client of mine – when you minimize your winnings that’s sending a message that you aren’t grateful for these gifts. It’s also not very loving to yourself – you’ve worked hard so take time to high five yourself instead of being the tyrannical task master!
Follow these 7 tips and learn to set boundaries with yourself by loving you and watch your world get happy! xo
Let’s be honest.
We’ve all had experiences and situations in our lives that have in effect, forced us to build protective barriers to guard our hearts. When built, they may have served in protection, but the trick is to know when to allow your walls to collapse and let the old stories go. Once this happens, love pours in.
And the truth is everyone deserves to live a life filled with love and loving connections. So how can we intentionally create and experience more love?
Although many of us look for love on the outside, the path to love really begins inside. This Rumi quote describes it perfectly:
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~ Rumi
Too often, the lack of deep love in our lives comes from a lack of self-love and self-compassion. Many of our love barriers were created to protect ourselves from our own inner critic. Most of us are incredibly hard on ourselves. When faced with our flaws the negative self chatter starts: “I’m not good enough. I’m worthless.” “I’m not interesting enough.” “I’m too old – who would want me?”
And of course, the goalposts for what counts as “good enough” seem always to remain out of reach. No matter how well we do, someone else always seems to be doing it better. The result of this line of thinking is sobering: Millions of people suffer from insecurity, anxiety, and depression, and much of this is due to self-judgment, to beating ourselves up when we feel we aren’t measuring up.
So what’s the answer?
Have you ever thought about what you are committed to? Take a minute and think about it, because everyone is committed to something. Get honest and ask yourself a hugely important question, “Am I committed to living a life of joy or a life of struggle?”
And hey, you may be thinking, you’re not committed to anything negative. I get it – I used to think the same way. Until I stopped and made an honest assessment of ALL the results I was experiencing. That was an eye opener LOL.
The thing is even if you think you are committed to living a big happy life – if your dreams and goals are not becoming realities there is something – a belief, an assumption, a way of thinking that you are unknowingly committed to that is blocking you from having what you say you desire. Literally taking you in the opposite direction of your dreams.
That’s important because you know how it is to be committed – you’re ALL in, right?
And that’s GREAT when it’s a belief that serves you but what about those beliefs that limit you? The truth is every belief, whether supportive or sabotaging wants to be right. As a matter of fact they inspire behaviors that create results to prove they are right. That could show up as stuckness, unfairness, being broke, things not going your way, men leaving you, cheating on you – you name it- it’s a programming that keeps you in a vicious frustrating cycle.
The key is to find out what the commitments are that are wreaking havoc on your life and reframe them – so that they can become healthy, nourishing, positive commitments that will feed your soul and produce peace and happiness.
Here’s how you break those vicious cycles:
Last weekend I went on a beach biking adventure with a couple of my favorite gal pals, Cherry and LeeAnn. Over the course of our 27 mile ride we swapped some good guy stories, shared dreams, laughed a lot and stopped for some yummy crab legs and beer (oh and can’t forget the insanely delicious hushpuppies – how have I never tasted those delectable little treats before? I’m in love!!!)
At the end of the day driving home I was smiling from ear to ear – a fun frolic, giggles and girlfriends made me feel like a teen again – alive and vibrant.
It was amazing – here I was feeling happy and zippy after a long day of exercising and yet the day before I hadn’t done as much as a down dog and I was as tired as a slug.
It got me thinking – who doesn’t want to turn back the clock to access the lively spirit of their youth?
I hear it all the time – women are always telling me how tired they are and how they wish they felt more sparkling and energetic.
What about you doll? Can you relate?
Well here it is – simple and sweet – the secret to youth is to laugh and play with wild abandon.
As Oscar Wilde put it, “An inordinate amount of pleasure is the secret to remaining young”.
It’s been scientifically proven Laughter and merrymaking lead to a more joyful state of being and keep us dynamic. The more you are laughing, the more you are sparkling.
Not to mention the load of health benefits that come from a good giggle. Tons of hormones and chemicals are released that have an amazingly positive effect on the body – successfully lifting depression, anxiety, sadness and plenty of other soul squashing culprits.
How long has it been since you had a good laugh? I mean a gut wrenching, tear streaming, cheeks hurting kind of laugh.
If you’re like most busy women, it’s been too long.
Did you know the average person used to laugh 20 minutes a day and now it’s down to less than 5 minutes? Isn’t that sad? When did we all get so darn serious? It’s clear we’ve forgotten how to play!
I understand if you resist and put pleasure on the back burner. It’s the first instinct when you’ve got a to-do list a mile long.
But, I’m here to tell you, living a life of “have to’s” with few or no “get to’s” will leave you feeling unfulfilled, bored, disconnected and it will pull your energy down. This creates an aging affect where you become old before your time.
That’s the opposite of what you want!
Opening up to playfulness is the greatest gift – it frees the creative expression of your soul. Suddenly your charisma, magnetic charm and vivacious va-va-voom are larger than life. This is your diamond power, that lively youthful glow that money can’t buy. Yes, yes and YES baby!!!
Make a commitment to step outside of your routine to make fun and pleasure a priority. Your frisky feminine spirit – that juicy part of you that’s been buried far too long is dyyy-ing to come out and play.
When you start having fun you will activate your inner sparkle. This in-love-with-life attitude will give you energy and vitality in droves. Your joy will put a twinkle in your eye and a bounce in your step. Talk about connecting to your youthful spirit.
Even the simplest things can bring a whole lot of delight.
Ask yourself these 3 things to bring back your sparkle:
1) What brings you great joy?
2) What makes you laugh?
3) What makes your face and heart smile?
Make a list of all the things that bring you bliss and then turn it into your Joie de Vivre to-do list.
If you commit to having FUN, living with passion, seeking silliness, and experiencing life with a thirst, you will be guaranteed a happy, youthful life. You’ll be irresistible to men, in fact everyone – and you will draw to you every dream your heart desires.