This month, we’ve been celebrating independence with a series of posts aimed at helping you free yourself from limiting thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors so that you can move forward with clarity while inviting more love, joy, and fun into your life. I know this might sound counterintuitive, but one of the best ways you can create and nurture a sense of freedom for yourself, is by learning how to accept others exactly as they are.
Loosen Your Grip
It’s very common to want our loved ones, kids, friends, siblings even strangers to say things or behave in ways that we find acceptable and pleasing. However, having those expectations often sets us up for disappointment. If you think about it, what we are saying with this expectancy is, “you have to act this way in order for me to feel ok”. No wonder many of us are upset and frustrated much of the time – with this belief we give our power away, reliant on others to create our state of being. What an emotional roller coaster!
Growing up in a family where my brother was the golden child I got into this habit, very early on, in regards to my mother’s behavior towards me. If she said something sharp or gave me the silent treatment, my entire mood would change and I’d either become quiet and hurt or angry and explosive. I desperately wanted her to treat me with the love and kindness she showed my brother. This created years of conflict.
One day, my mom was upset about something that she refused to discuss. After several frustrating attempts to get her to share what was wrong, I went outside to get some fresh air and cool down. All of a sudden I was inspired to pray with a specific question that came into my mind: What would love do?
It was like I’d gotten this immediate download from God. At that moment, I was able to see and feel what was happening for my mother emotionally; her hurts and disappointments in life. That shift allowed me to stop making it about me and my pain and move into a deep compassion for my mom that filled my heart and soul. When I walked back into the house, not only had this experience shifted me,it had changed her too. She opened up and told me what had been bothering her, and we were finally able to connect. This was the first time EVER and it was the beginning of a beautiful new relationship with my mom.
Tips for Becoming More Accepting of Others
As soon as I started accepting my mom for who she is, no matter what her behavior towards me, our relationship began to evolve. So, the next time you find yourself in that rigid place, working to change or fix another person, I encourage you to use the following tips:
- Take three big breaths. If someone says something that upsets you, take three big breaths before you respond. Breathing interrupts your reactive patterning and calms your central nervous system allowing you to become more neutral and peaceful. This is always a better place to come from when responding 🙂
- Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Most of the time, when we find ourselves getting angry, it’s because we think something is happening to us, but it’s far more likely that whatever is going on, has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person. Try creating a scenario. Maybe that person just got fired, or they found out their child is sick. Imagine as many possible scenarios as you can that have nothing to do with you.
- Bless the other person silently. When you bless somebody, what you’re doing is sending them love, which has the power to dissipate anger energy and allow you to approach the other person with compassion. You don’t need to do this out loud, focus your mind on the blessing and send that loving energy in the other person’s direction.
Remember to ask yourself, “What would love do?” and know that by accepting your friends, partners, and family members exactly as they are, you’re not only freeing yourself from unnecessary stress, but you’re also offering them the opportunity to be authentic and vulnerable with you, which can only benefit your relationship over the long term.
Happy New Year Dahhhhling!
We are entering into a new year – a fabulous time to dream, to blossom, to expand, to recommit to living as the Sparkling happy, fun-loving, successful (whatever that means to you) person you were born to be.
Typically this is a time to set resolutions – to make your goals. I’m going to go against the grain and invite you to forget about the ritualistic declaration of resolutions! Instead I challenge you to commit to living on the edge of your comfort zone.
You know why?
Because resolutions are ideals and without a plan it’s easy to get distracted, detoured, and drift. That can set into action some pretty brutal self-talk about not being able to get your act together to make it happen. And that leads to feeling bad about yourself. Not good!
But stepping outside your comfort zone…that involves taking ACTION! And no matter what the outcome, you can be proud of your bravery. That will build your confidence making you feel good about yourself.
And you know what?
Each step will move you closer to your dream. Voila! Pretty cool, right?
This idea of taking bold action is backed by some pretty amazing iconic females like Diane Feinstein who says the key to a happy and fulfilling life involves taking risks and stepping out of your safety zone.
She says that’s when life becomes magical and you are truly living into your genius and greatness.
As inspiring as that sounds you may be saying to yourself, “That seems kinda scary. My life may be a bit boring but routine suits me just fine – sure I may complain a bit but at least I know what to expect and I like being in control…” sound familiar?
In the spirit of this theme I am committed to speaking my truth – even if it’s a little risky -because I want to shake things up for you and nudge you in the direction of your bliss.
So here goes…living a routine life will suck your spirit dry! You’ll be parched, wilted, lifeless, dreamless with about as much energy as a sloth on a hot summer day. It’s time to follow your dreams and drink deeply from the well of the unknown. The excitement of the risk will make you feel vibrant and alive!
Now you might be thinking, “How does one do that?” Truth be told all it takes is an intention to make 2016 the year you live fully, a willingness to be open to new experiences, ready to receive all the good God wants you to have, and a commitment to bring forth consistent courage.
This means reflecting, identifying and overcoming those things that keep you in your rut. Then coming up with new behaviors and structures that are in alignment with who you want to become; the you that embraces life and all it’s opportunities; the you that is determined to look back at your life with no regrets.
Living your BEST year involves a commitment to a way of being. It’s realizing that life is full of choices and that we are each empowered to make choices that bring us the most joy, the most growth and the most fulfillment.
To get you started I want to share 3 powerful and energizing tips I learned about and took action on over the holidays.
Dear loveliness, when your relationship is on rocky ground it can bring about a boatload of anxiety, pain and panic. You may feel frozen or stuck, but believe it or not the upheaval is actually a wonderful invitation for growth – and when you journal, you can accelerate that growth.
If you are willing to see the situation as an opportunity to lean into your feelings and get curious instead of running from your emotions or denying they exist, you’ll gain a new perspective that will help you and your relationship shift.
Your feelings have something to say, so invite them in as though they are your best friends and have a tea party with them. Literally sit down with them, wrap them in love and listen – you will gain tremendous wisdom that will lead to your emotional freedom! And who doesn’t want that?!
I’ve experienced a lot of growth through journaling. I know it’s something that most people don’t do anymore, especially since we’re all so in love with our technology these days. But writing by hand causes different interactions in the brain.
Research highlights the hand’s unique relationship with the brain when it comes to composing thoughts and ideas. There’s also a greater sense of space when using a pen, allowing you to free flow and get it all out! Writing is, by nature, an opportunity for creativity and personal expression.
It’s the Best Therapy
Writing by hand is like free therapy – it brings emotional balance. All that it requires (other than a journal and something to write with) is that you create space and time for yourself.
Journaling can help you:
a. Define your emotions and what they mean for you
b. Release suppressed and conflicted feelings
c. Gain back clarity while being in the midst of overwhelming emotions.
Start by writing about something that’s really upsetting you. As you write about it, you’re able to openly explore and unravel the problem.
This helps you get to the heart of the matter. And it’s amazing how often the upset isn’t what you thought but instead a completely surprising “aha”! I can’t tell you how many times that happened for me – always eye-opening!
The process of journaling helps you manage your emotions and brings you into balance. How awesome is that, right? You receive new insights and perspectives as well as a lot of peace! Joyous Jingles!!
Buy a Journal That You’re Drawn To
Your journal is like your new best friend. Each page breathlessly awaits your every thought – loves, supports and adores you. No judgment. No criticism.
You’re going to be spending a lot of time with your lovely journal so you should like the way it looks. Choose something you love – that you’re drawn to; that feels good in your hands! Put it by the bedside and dedicate a certain time every day to sit down and write. Light a candle, put on music, make it like a ritual. After some time, it will become just like brushing your teeth!
The pain you feel now is temporary, dear heart, and I’d love to guide you through it. Click HERE to set up a time to chat.
Who do you want to become?
In the movie version of your life, are you the Leading Lady you always thought you would be? Are you living the life you want? Or are you stuck in the wings, afraid to step out and into the spotlight and own your divine power in this world?
God, the divine, a higher power…whatever you believe in, intended you to live an empowered existence, and to experience life in the highest and happiest way possible.
If you are sitting reading this thinking… YES! I am so NOT living my life to the fullest, or owning my Leading Lady life, then stay with me, because making the change from hiding in the wings to standing in your personal sparkling spotlight is easier than you think honeychild!
What does it take to be a Leading Lady?
Well look no further than Hollywood “A” list stars for examples. What do they have in common? They exude confidence and self-assurance, its clear that they love and respect themselves and those around them. There’s this magnetic energy that surrounds them and draws you in, that’s why their movies and red carpet events get so much attention!
Here’s how to start the journey to becoming your own sparkly Leading Lady.
First, write down the characteristics of your ultimate leading lady.
~ How does she think?
~ How does she dress?
~ How does she talk?
~ How does she react to situations
~ How does she show up in life?
Then Do This:
- Find a picture of a role model that represents your Leading Lady ideals (can be an actress, or politician, an activist , a friend or anyone that embodies your list of characteristics listed above) and post that in a very conspicuous place. Remember that you want to see this multiple times a day so don’t put it on the back of your closet door unless that’s somewhere you go often!
- Write the characteristics of your Leading Lady on paper and post it on your fridge or wall in your bedroom next to the pictures of you role model.
- Visit this Leading Lady vision board OFTEN, a minimum of twice a day and stick to it!
To become your Leading Lady you need to take her characteristics and create images with them. Our brain associates with pictures more readily than words, so here’s where you can be creative and build an image with yourself in it firmly anchored in those traits OR find photo’s that represent them.
You can create your own Leading Lady vision board if you want! Once you create the images connect with them, FEEL them, engage the senses. Do this consistently twice a day and watch your new sparkling self-image spring to life.
By holding the image and characteristics of the Leading Lady you want to be in your mind several times a day, you are introducing what I call ‘The Magic of a Good Attitude’ into your life. If your Leading Lady characteristics say that your role model has great posture and her house is tidy and she spends at least a few hours a week taking care of herself so she can take care of others, then you will feel compelled to sit up straighter, do those dishes and book that mani pedi next week!
Write down the characteristics of the woman you want to become, connect with it, own it and you will soon see your outer world changing in ways that confirm you have become her! It sounds simple but its really just about creating a different self-image and attitude.
I talk about being your Leading Lady in my book Sexy and Sparkling After 40, in a chapter I call ‘Adjust your Attitude’ that is super helpful for this. You can get your copy here
As a 21st century woman, you are busy and life can feel hectic. We are hardworking women and we’re all moving so fast rushing from one thing to the next. But, whew! It’s exhausting and stressful.
Could it be that we’ve become too busy?
When we move at this break neck pace, it causes us to lose touch with something special: our pleasure and sensuality. We forget to savor, enjoy, and really experience the best parts of life.
As one of the hosts for the radio show, Loving Your Sensual Side, I recently interviewed my friend and colleague Deonesea La Fey on how a woman can live in her sensuality in day to day life.
Get ready to turn up your enjoyment factor! ==> Listen to Deonesea’s interview now
In this interview Deonesea delivers critical tips to interrupt the patterns we have that keep us stressed so we can consciously choose more pleasure, joy & sensuality.
This interview is not to be missed!
Click here to access the replay page ==> Live in Sensuality Day to Day
Are you ready to enjoy life and break free from stress? Great! Here is an action step you can do right now! Contact me to schedule a complimentary sensuality and joy strategy session.
You’ve got a dream, a goal, ambition and you’re ready to take the world by storm. Woo hoo!
But, wait, why are there so many darn obstacles on the way to your goal?
Anyone who’s dared to dream knows that the initial excitement will eventually be met with some form of obstacle or resistance. So, how do you move past these roadblocks on the path to your dream?
Click here to read the full blog article and learn how to overcome the obstacles to your dreams.