You have an ally. Your feminine side is waiting in the wings to help you reinvent your life.
Ever feel like it’s up to you to do everything?

Sure you’re capable, competent and a rock star woman who can handle anything, but deep down don’t you long for a man to step up to the plate and take over at times?

When I was married I was always caught up in this conundrum – wanting my other half to take care of something, anything – but if I had to wait longer than a nanosecond it was too late, I was at the helm. Well this proved pretty disastrous in my relationship and when things crumbled I had to cop to the fact I’d been living in my masculine energy way more than my feminine.

After a friend pointed out I needed a refresher course in the fine art of being a woman, I realized I had to make major changes that were uncomfortable for me. Breathing life into my feminine nature became my sole focus. Even though flirting and dressing in a more girly style were good first steps, I knew that this was more than a surface job.

I had to dig deep and create a new mindset if I was going to pull this off.

Years of conditioning and choice making based in fear and doubt had left me in a vicious tug of war between “I can do this” and “This is too hard.” Even though I had seen evidence that my feminine nature had a power and magic all of its own, I still reverted to my old masculine style of rigid control most of the time.

Thankfully, an idea floated up during one of my never miss meditations. Maybe I could find someone to model my behavior after. Certain I knew someone who was living out the sensual feminine life style that I craved, I searched my rolodex for help.

Two names jumped right out to me. I arranged to be at an event both of my sensuous friends were attending and I took notes. I watched their gestures, their stance, their faces and most importantly, I watched how men acted around them.

These women had an ease and comfort with themselves that I couldn’t relate to. They exuded sexiness. Their flirtiness was so natural and engaging that when they came into the room, all of the men looked their way and the single men flocked to them.

With their support and counsel, I stepped gingerly into the ring. I was scared, nervous and wanted to throw up, but I was determined. If these ladies could do it, by golly, I could do it too. Although I stumbled a bit along the way, eventually I found a sense of confidence and became comfortable allowing my sensual self to awaken.

I even discovered that if I assigned my masculine side the job of organizing and expediting the birth of my feminine side, I could create an inner congruence that truly transformed my relationship with myself.

If you don’t have a flirty role model, you might pick someone in pop culture who you admire. Oprah and Ellen DeGeneres are fabulous flirts. You can learn alot watching them interview their guests. I’m not suggesting you are not enough on your own or that you have to be something other than yourself; no, it is just that without a well developed feminine side, you are really only half of yourself.

The exciting news is it’s possible! All you have to do is create a plan and take actionable steps to get you there. Now there is one caveat, this is not about comparing yourself—it will just make you feel less than. One trick I do to keep my role models from intimidating me, or rather my shy little girl feminine self, is to picture them with sopping wet hair and no makeup.

Being inspired by others is God’s gift to you—His way of giving you an example to learn from so that you will know how to manifest the same in your life.

Exercise:

1. Frame a picture of a celebrity, public figure, relative, or friend you admire and place it in clear view so that you are reminded of the traits you want to embody.

2. Write down what makes them so sensual, both their attitude, their behavior and their language.

3. Take time every day to look at the photo of your Feminine Flirty Role Model and say out loud, “I honor your traits of ______________ , and know I can own them too!”

4. Sit in a chair, close your eyes and breathe into this affirmation. Pull the persona into your core with each breath. What it would be like to possess these qualities for yourself.

5. Thank God that your subconscious mind is working night and day instilling the new demeanor you desire.

We’ve all heard it—balance your masculine and feminine. But what exactly does this statement mean? And what’s the difference between masculine and feminine energy?

Let’s first take a look at what it means to be in your masculine or feminine energy along with some of the traits for each. When someone (male or female) is running their masculine energy, some of the ways they behave include: aggressive, decisive, providing, logical, leading, direct or directive, protective, competitive, planning, strong, controlling, and vying for power. When, however, someone is running their feminine energy, their characteristics include: intuitive, connective, relational, cooperative, receiving, emotional, collaborative, bonding, flowing, and magnetic.

None of these traits are bad or undesirable. In fact, all of these characteristics are beneficial. As you read through both sets of traits, something becomes evident though—masculine energies are all about “doing,” while feminine energies speak to “being.” The key is to understand when each serves us and to be able to identify if we’re out of balance.

To begin to identify if you are leaning toward one “energy set,” here are some questions to consider:

1) Are you always trying to save the day, flying around like superwoman?
2) Are you so independent that it seems you don’t really need anyone else in your life?
3) If you have someone in your life, do they feel intimidated by you?
4) In your attempt to be powerful, do you behave in ways that make others shy away from you because you seem to “come on too strong”?
5) Does having time when you’re not working a “to do” list make you feel lazy, unproductive, or in some way “less than”?

If you’ve answered “yes” to any of the above questions, chances are you’re sometimes living in your masculine energy. At least in those types of situations or scenarios, your masculine energy may be running the show. Many women, in attempting to claim their feminine power, actually move into their masculine energy as they strive to demonstrate their competence and accomplishments. In response, men often feel unnecessary in their lives and either shut down or leave.

So, now let’s take a look at some feminine energy clues:

1) Do you set goals and never or rarely achieve them?
2) Are there times when you are plagued by indecision? Not sure what would be the best course of action in a situation, either personally or professionally?
3) Do you find that you defer to the wishes or desires of your partner, colleagues, family or friends?
4) Do you sometimes find that you don’t have a preference or an opinion about a topic being discussed in a group setting?
5) When someone asks you how you are feeling in a given situation, does it become apparent that you don’t know what you think or feel?

Again, if you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may be spending too much time with your feminine energy. In striving to connect with your feminine, you may have moved into passivity and become overly compliant or extremely adaptable. In the process of “being,” you may find you never complete goals, accomplish your dreams, or speak your truths.

Men and women both have masculine and feminine energies. Balancing both creates a beautiful dance where we know when to “be” and when to “do.” For instance, there are times when we need to become more introspective and understand our own desires and dreams. The feminine then definitely needs the masculine mojo to give wings to those creative pursuits, to connect with ambition, to move into the world and fly. The trick is to balance the yin and yang, the ebb and flow of living a life that is satisfying, joyful, and juicy.

If you believe your life is out of balance, ask yourself the following:

1) Am I living more in a “being” or “doing” state?
2) Am I exhausted all the time from “over-doing” or do I never want to do anything because I just want to “be” left alone?
3) What can I do to balance these two energies?

If you’re not sure whether things are out of balance, ask your close friends. They may be able to help you identify what’s happening and offer insights to bring back a sense of balance in your life. They can offer perspective and remind you of who you are and what’s really important. They can even make you laugh and lighten up!

Living life fully and maintaining balance in your life requires balancing your softness with your power and knowing when to flip from doing to being. Balancing the male and female energies can become a beautiful dance in your life. Because each person has both, you will design a much happier life by discerning when it’s appropriate to “do” and when it’s better to just breathe and “be.”