One of my married clients was excited to share some good news with me: things were finally shifting within her relationship that had felt stilted, tense and unromantic for years. She gleefully told me on the phone that, “I’m seeing results and I feel more loved and more loving than ever before!”
So what made the difference? She began doing things for her husband without the expectation of anything in return.
What it Means to Give Freely
In the situation I described above, my client had a light bulb moment. She realized that for most of her marriage, she hadn’t been very nurturing at all. Instead, she continually looked for the things he wasn’t doing for her.
When she got this, she made some changes. It looked like this: her husband goes to bed very early during the week because he has to get up at 4:30 in the morning to go to his construction job. So, since she goes to bed later than him, she started doing little things that she knew would make it easier for him to get up early. She prepped the coffee pot so all he had to do was switch it on in the morning. She prepared a water bottle for him to grab and go, and she left him a little note saying, “Have a good day!”
These actions are so simple! And yet, they had a wonderful impact on their relationship.