Last week we talked about solutions and reflections on being blind-sided in a relationship. You read my 7 “takes-two-to-tango” behaviors that created crumbs and added to the demise of my marriage. Many of you emailed sharing your light bulb moments and how these realizations had changed your perspective on your relationships. Receiving your messages brought such joy to my heart I want you to know I am celebrating YOU and looooove hearing about your growth!
Speaking of growth, let’s dig into another layer. Are you in? Remember, love, peace and freedom are on the other side!
Good for you if you are still reading! That means you understand if you want to get different results in your life you have to look within – in all area’s of your life.
So let’s start excavating!
Click here for the 5 key questions to ask yourself …
This is for all you ladies who have ever found yourself in a situation with a partner where things have suddenly changed, make no sense and you feel confused and uncomfortably disconnected. He says he loves you but he’s not in love with you anymore and needs some space…away from you. Ugghhhh – like daggers to the heart.
You’re totally taken by surprise because you are certain you’ve done everything right and everything was fine up until this “out of the blue” blow blindsided you.
You tell your friends and family and they’re shocked because you had this “seemingly” great relationship and it’s everyone’s opinion, including yours, that this is clearly all about HIS issues. It’s obvious this has nothing to do with you and so you sit and wait, and wait, and wait (feeling very dis-empowered and frustrated) for him to figure things out and change.
Have you ever been there? Or maybe it’s happening now? If you are still reading, I’m guessing it has, and it’s no fun. Trust me I know because it happened to me and over the last decade I’ve spoken to thousands of women who this has happened to too. Without question, it’s heartbreaking.
Some of you may be shocked by what you’re about to read next…
Some of you may be shocked by what you’re about to read next- and may not like it -because it’s uncomfortable or painful or something you don’t want to admit or look at, but it’s a truth that will ultimately help you move forward. Here it is ladies…relationships are never one-sided. It always takes two to tango. As hard as that is to hear, and as justified as you may feel denying it, it’s an indisputable truth.
You might be having some choice thoughts about me right now, and that’s ok, I get it – I’ve been there, believe me, I know how you feel. When someone has disconnected from you, maybe betrayed you, lied to you, broken your trust and hurt you it’s super easy to point the finger of blame and focus all your attention on him and what he’s done.
However, a wise woman once said to me, every time you point a finger at someone else, remember you’ve got three pointing back at yourself.
Wow that’s a hard pill to swallow, especially when you feel like the victim, right?
But here’s how it goes – when you are drunk with denial, there comes that inevitable moment when the truth finds you and smacks you sober. This is exactly what happened to me. And as awful as this awakening was, it was truly a blessing in disguise.
When you’re able to take a nanosecond break from blaming him guess what can happen? A surprising sliver of enlightenment will slip in. It was a HUGE “aha” for me – I started to see my dirty laundry, what MY part was in this life-changing reality.
Here are the top 7 “takes two to tango” behaviors that contributed to the demise of my marriage:
- I was controlling
- I was “the fixer”
- Rarely set boundaries and if I did, I didn’t enforce the consequences
- Allowed a lot of his poor behavior to be swept under the carpet.
- Always “the planner”
- Leaned way more into the male role than the feminine (easy to do as a mom or career gal)
- Complained when my expectations weren’t met
And yet by doing all these things I thought I was doing all the right things – sound familiar?
I had no clue I had usurped his masculinity. Wow that was a shocking revelation. Some of you may relate to this and perhaps find yourself engaging in some of these behaviors too. Let’s face it, women are so capable and we step in for various reasons but it can be to our detriment – especially in a heterosexual relationship.
Or maybe nothing from this list describes you – in that case I invite you to ask yourself this question:
“In what way have I contributed to this situation?”
Listen for the answer. If you are having a hard time figuring it out – take the elevator in your mind to a higher power – whatever that is for you – God/The Infinite/Source – and ask the above question. You will get an answer.
I share this with you in the hopes it will save you days, weeks, months, even years of pain. If you’re willing to open to the possibility that you have or had (this can help with past relationships too) a part in your relationship changing it will catapult your healing and understanding of the situation.
Because the truth is you can never change the other person, you can only change yourself – that’s where your point of power lays. What I know is this is the BEST way to shift the dynamics of your partnership. If you’re in, commit to taking your focus off your partner and shine the light of awareness on your own beautiful Self. Empowerment and happiness awaits you – I promise:)
Do you ever feel like your life needs a make-over or something to reconnect you to your fabulous vibrant, confident, fun-filled self?
When I was married and discovered my husband was leading a double life with another woman – I remember feeling like a blow up doll whose plug got pulled. All life left my body…It was devastating. Heart-breaking. Shocking.
Although the divorce was painful it was even more painful to realize I had lost myself and my fun feminine spirit…I felt so lost. I needed a bridge to a new life – a makeover…and so it began!
My journey was (and still is) amazing – giving me the passion and the reason for my business and mission today – helping women discover their inner sparkle, believe in their magnificence, connect with their fun, sensual, feminine self, and overcome the limiting beliefs that keep them from the loving relationship and life they desire.
There was a point in my makeover that I had a profound realization-it was successful because of all the wonderful guidance, support and inspiration I received and invested in along the way.
You deserve the same opportunity and that’s why I’m opening my calendar today and tomorrow, to be of the best service I can be to you (for FREE). It’s important to me to help other women going through a big life change or wanting to make a leap but not knowing how or where to begin.
We all need help – so if you find yourself feeling stuck, stagnant, or saying to yourself, “something’s gotta give,” click here to book a chat with me, it would be an honor to share what I’ve learned. This conversation will give you the steps you need to create the life you crave:))
To wonderful sparkling new you,
Last week I fulfilled one of my bucket list dreams – hiking the Grand Canyon Rim to Rim! Wow what an amazing experience! We started on the North Kaibab Trail at 4am with nothing but our headlamps lighting the way. After a challenging 14 miles downhill we arrived at Phantom Ranch where we caught our breath for a day and had a chance to rest our wobbly and sore muscles! Then we climbed up Bright Angel Trail for 10 miles ( the last 3-4 miles being steep, steep, did I say steeeeeeeeeep, switchbacks!) Oy!!!!!
Whoohooo was I ever elated to reach the top of the south rim!! It was sure a sweet moment and one that will always make my heart smile. But believe you me, reaching this dream wasn’t always easy! There were challenges and times I wanted to quit and that’s what I want to talk to you about today.
YOU most likely have a dream or something really significant that you would love to see happen in your life. And what I learned and want to share with you is this; set yourself up with a highly developed mindset for success. It’s crucial to keep the end result in the forefront of your mind! Staying in a high vibration will help you stay connected to the completion of your dream.
That said, today, we focus on how you can develop mindfulness around your vibrational energy – one of my favorite topics – by making small changes in your daily life.
Click here to learn 4 easy ways to raise your vibration!
Last month, we began looking at charisma, that divine sparkle that makes us irresistible to others and acts as a powerful magnet to attract more love, joy, and fun into our lives! In my last post, Why You Should Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, I explained how comparing yourself can zap your self-confidence and leave you feeling disconnected from your charismatic nature. But comparison isn’t the only trap that gets us.
For many of us, the way we lose the connection to our charisma is by caring way too much about what other people think. When you get caught up in other peoples’ opinions, you abandon yourself and create an imbalance in your soul, making it impossible for your charisma to shine through.
Why Do We Care So Much About What Other People Think?
Tens of thousands of years ago, when humans were living in hunter-gatherer societies, what other people thought often meant the difference between being embraced and cared for or shunned and abandoned.
The desire to be accepted is deeply rooted in our survival patterns, so it makes sense that we sometimes worry we’re flawed, not good enough or people please to be liked/loved. But here’s the thing: that survival pattern doesn’t hold up in today’s society. It’s time to let go of that anxiety, embrace a higher way of thinking, and build up your inner validation of Self.
You Can’t Change What Other People Think
In last month’s post, Free Yourself by Becoming More Accepting of Others, I wrote that when you try to make other people conform to your rigid expectations, you communicate the belief that you’re not OK unless they change their behavior. Working to convince someone to believe something different about you communicates the same idea.
Several years ago, I found myself in a very tough situation with my sisters. They had specific ideas about my character that weren’t based in any truth. It was very painful and hurtful. I quickly realized nothing I could say would convince them otherwise. And ultimately I saw this was an opportunity for me to gain more solid state in the truth – that God knows who I am, and that is most important. That gave me great inner peace and allowed me to let go of trying to “prove” myself to my sisters. What I learned was the more I connected with my Diamond Power (the power that breathes me) and spent time increasing my self love, the less it mattered what they thought of me and that set me free.
How to Dial Down the Fear of What Other People Think
If you find yourself heading into an anxious space, worrying about what someone has said about you, or working overtime to change their opinion, try one of the following tools:
- Breathe! Trust me; breathing is a panacea for just about everything. Take a few deep breaths to center yourself – this will interrupt the thought pattern that is occurring and bring you back to peace.
- Remind yourself that you are a child of God. You are whole, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else says. You are unconditionally loved – wholey and fully.
- Tune into your vision of the woman you are and want to be. Ask yourself, “What is the truth of me? What is essential to my nature?” BE heard.
- Ask yourself if what others are saying is true? First ask yourself, is this true? If it doesn’t feel right don’t accept it as true. Let it go and understand everyone has their own perspective. On the other hand, if what the other person is saying has some validity, don’t judge or blame yourself, simply ask yourself what you can do to turn things around.
Using any one of these tools will help you to create a space for self-love and self-acceptance, which will ultimately make other peoples’ opinions irrelevant, clear the sludge off the diamond, and allow you to be in your authentic, beautiful, charismatic state.
PS It’s not too late to join the Love Summit 2: Find It, Feel It and Live It Forever! Join me and 20+ experts and learn how to attract & maintain more LOVE and joy. CLICK HERE to join!
Do you have a burning desire for things to change in your life yet you don’t know how or where to begin? If so, you’re not alone. Many people long for more meaningful relationships, better health, more soul satisfying careers, time and money freedom yet something always seems to get in the way of successfully anchoring into these shifts.
Can you relate? Is it one distraction or delay after another creating a slow down or backslide to your dreams? Does fear or a terrified voice creep in the moment you decide to move in a new direction?
If this is you, you’re going to love this interview with my award-winning brilliant business mentor, John Boggs. In this conversation he gives us his wise life-changing success tips for leading yourself to a calm, balanced, empowered and happy life. Oh, and this isn’t only about being a leader in business it’s about being the leader of YOU.
Because he has helped me sift through “life” many a time – teaching me how to focus and prioritize with simple solutions I wanted to share him with you. He is a true master of self-leadership!
In this interview you will learn:
- A daily practice to build self-confidence and set yourself up for success.
- A step-by-step process to get out of toxic emotional states
- The most common culprits that block self-leadership and how to overcome them
- #1 secret to moving in the direction of creating a life you love
Take the time to listen to this interview – not only is John warm and authentic, he will inspire you to believe in a possibility of a better way of life PLUS give you the success tips and strategies to do it!
PS If you enjoyed this interview you will looooove the upcoming Love Summit 2 where I interview 20 extraordinary speakers about LOVE – in every aspect of your life. Click here to join us!
In my last article, we explored the power of charisma to attract and inspire. When you connect with your charismatic nature, you shine with a light that is irresistible to the people around you. However, sometimes we inadvertently disconnect from that light by engaging in self-defeating behaviors that dim our sparkle and leave us feeling lousy.
One way to immediately lose touch with your charisma is by comparing yourself to others. Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and boy, was he right! When you compare, you engage in a thought pattern that wreaks havoc with your self-image and takes away your inner light like nothing else.
The Dangers of Comparison
We live in a society that inundates us with images of other peoples’ “perfect” lives. Whether you’re flipping through a fashion magazine or scrolling through your Facebook feed, it doesn’t take much to start believing that you’re not measuring up or living as fully as you would love.
But you have to remember that you’re only ever seeing part of the picture. Fashion photography is always touched up, and your friends on social media mostly post about the good stuff. It’s impossible to know what’s really happening with other people, so when you compare yourself to their “outer world” as you see it, you’re comparing your reality against a perception that is rarely, if ever, based in fact!
Always Remember You Are Perfect
We’re all made uniquely and masterfully. When you compare yourself to others, what you’re doing is communicating the belief that you’re flawed, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! If you’re having a hard time believing that, try these tips:
- Push pause on your thoughts of comparison. Don’t deny the thoughts and don’t judge them. Just accept that they’re coming up, take a breath and repeat to yourself, “I am enough, I am a beautiful being, I am unique.”
- Focus on the truth. Ask yourself what you know to be true. Focus on your strengths and what’s good about your life. Then ask yourself how you can be your most sparkling self at this moment. How can you be your own best friend?
- Smile at yourself. If you find yourself falling into the comparison trap, look in the mirror, wink, smile, and say, “Hi Beautiful. You’re perfect just the way you are!”
I have a client who was dating somebody on and off for quite a while. She knew she was in love with him, but they weren’t exclusive. One night, she discovered that he was out on a date with someone else. Instead of getting upset, she empowered herself by repeating this truth, “ Whoever she is, she’s not me. I am a unique, beautiful woman. I know that I am lovable and high-quality – if this is the right guy for me, he’ll see that too.”
She and that man have now been married for twenty years! Why? Because the next time they were together, she didn’t show up in an anxious, jealous headspace. She held her own, refused to fall into the comparison trap and stayed solid in who she was, which made her irresistible.
Put Your Attention on Your Intention
If you have the intention of living a fabulous life, being centered and feeling good about yourself, but you continue to let your attention go to comparison, you’re going to find it nearly impossible to close the gap between your intention and where you are now.
Direct your energy towards your intention and take steps to support yourself in achieving that goal. This will keep you moving forward and allow your beautiful, charismatic self to shine through!
Last month, we explored a variety of ways you can step into your freedom and connect with your inner sparkle. When you’re tapped into that energy, you feel the light of God pouring through you, removing all the sludge that’s accumulated around your inner diamond so that your beautiful light can shine out into the world.
A few weeks ago 10 AWESOME and AMAZING women did just that at Soul Sparkle Retreat (pics above) – it was incredible and awe’ing to see them totally transform in less than 24 hours of their arrival. Intentions were made, fears released, hearts opened and deeply connected friendships born – that’s the power of immersion. I felt like a proud mama as I witnessed these lovely ladies LETTING GO of OLD haunting, hurtful beliefs and EMBRACING their vivacious, unique, feminine Divine essence to SHINE fully!. Simply stunning!
So this month, I want to celebrate that vibrant energy with a series of posts aimed at helping you do what these ladies did, connect with your natural charisma! You have it, it’s inside of you, all you have to do is bring it to the surface and let it shine like the bright August sun!
According to author and spiritual teacher, Marianne Williamson, charisma was initially a religious term meaning, “of the spirit,” or “inspired.” She writes, “Charisma is a sparkle in people that money can’t buy. It’s an invisible energy with visible effects”
Click here to learn more about developing charisma.
This month, we’ve been celebrating independence with a series of posts aimed at helping you free yourself from limiting thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors so that you can move forward with clarity while inviting more love, joy, and fun into your life. I know this might sound counterintuitive, but one of the best ways you can create and nurture a sense of freedom for yourself, is by learning how to accept others exactly as they are.
Loosen Your Grip
It’s very common to want our loved ones, kids, friends, siblings even strangers to say things or behave in ways that we find acceptable and pleasing. However, having those expectations often sets us up for disappointment. If you think about it, what we are saying with this expectancy is, “you have to act this way in order for me to feel ok”. No wonder many of us are upset and frustrated much of the time – with this belief we give our power away, reliant on others to create our state of being. What an emotional roller coaster!
Growing up in a family where my brother was the golden child I got into this habit, very early on, in regards to my mother’s behavior towards me. If she said something sharp or gave me the silent treatment, my entire mood would change and I’d either become quiet and hurt or angry and explosive. I desperately wanted her to treat me with the love and kindness she showed my brother. This created years of conflict.
One day, my mom was upset about something that she refused to discuss. After several frustrating attempts to get her to share what was wrong, I went outside to get some fresh air and cool down. All of a sudden I was inspired to pray with a specific question that came into my mind: What would love do?
It was like I’d gotten this immediate download from God. At that moment, I was able to see and feel what was happening for my mother emotionally; her hurts and disappointments in life. That shift allowed me to stop making it about me and my pain and move into a deep compassion for my mom that filled my heart and soul. When I walked back into the house, not only had this experience shifted me,it had changed her too. She opened up and told me what had been bothering her, and we were finally able to connect. This was the first time EVER and it was the beginning of a beautiful new relationship with my mom.
Tips for Becoming More Accepting of Others
As soon as I started accepting my mom for who she is, no matter what her behavior towards me, our relationship began to evolve. So, the next time you find yourself in that rigid place, working to change or fix another person, I encourage you to use the following tips:
- Take three big breaths. If someone says something that upsets you, take three big breaths before you respond. Breathing interrupts your reactive patterning and calms your central nervous system allowing you to become more neutral and peaceful. This is always a better place to come from when responding 🙂
- Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Most of the time, when we find ourselves getting angry, it’s because we think something is happening to us, but it’s far more likely that whatever is going on, has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person. Try creating a scenario. Maybe that person just got fired, or they found out their child is sick. Imagine as many possible scenarios as you can that have nothing to do with you.
- Bless the other person silently. When you bless somebody, what you’re doing is sending them love, which has the power to dissipate anger energy and allow you to approach the other person with compassion. You don’t need to do this out loud, focus your mind on the blessing and send that loving energy in the other person’s direction.
Remember to ask yourself, “What would love do?” and know that by accepting your friends, partners, and family members exactly as they are, you’re not only freeing yourself from unnecessary stress, but you’re also offering them the opportunity to be authentic and vulnerable with you, which can only benefit your relationship over the long term.
Alright, ladies, it’s time to learn how to free yourself from mind and body fatigue!!. If you are like most women you’re on overdrive, expecting yourself to get more done in a day than you used to do in a week a decade ago. Our lives have become so busy!!! Between the career, the kids, the aging parents, family and friends we are often dropping into bed exhausted physically and mentally every night.
Would you like to change that?
Click on this interview to learn simple, quick things you can do to go from fatigued to energized AND improve your memory and mental health. Viva la freedom!
This week, I want you to focus on how to put these tips into practice to become your most vibrant, vivacious, vital Self!