Are you like most women, forgetting to take care of you when life is coming at you like a tsunami? It’s easy to live in your head and disconnect from the core essence of YOU when one thing after another is coming at you. When that’s happening do you know how to fill yourself up with your most loving, sensual, playful self?
It’s ok, you can admit it, not many women do. Honestly most women aren’t schooled or mentored in how to do this – we are taught how to make other people happy, how to make money, how to sacrifice our needs and made to feel selfish if we want a more pleasurable life.
In truth you don’t have to change who you are to have what you want. Simply embrace these 7 tips to fill up with your God-given feminine, sensual self. When you make a commitment to show up fully in this charismatic essence you will experience a much more love-filled, happy life!
1) Passion – the most attractive woman is the woman who loves life and feels desirable. Men see this in your eyes ladies – that you “have it”. When you make yourself the priority and then the man you gain his interest and respect. As soon as you value the man more you lose your appeal because you are not honoring and respecting yourself first. So discover what you are passionate about and make a bliss list of at least five things. Make sure at least three of the things are not dependent on others for your “feel good” and then do one of these things daily to fill you up with passion.
2) Touch – becoming intimate with you is paramount to creating intimacy with others. So get started by experiencing your senses. Take some “me” time in a private environment (like your bedroom), light a candle, put on some music and lay down completely naked. Close your eyes and slowly touch every inch of your lovely body in a very sacred manner. As you run your hands over your legs, belly, breasts and arms notice the feel of your skin, the inner sensations, and the pleasure your body feels in being touched so lovingly. Appreciating your body in a non-sexual manner will help you get to know you and your sensual self.
3) Fun – connect with your other personas and let your inner vixen out! There are so many leading ladies waiting backstage to come out and play and bedazzle and yet we let the same ole’ gal take center stage day in and day out. Mix it up! Recast your movie! Take up belly dancing, pole dancing or whatever would make you just a wee bit uncomfortable and do it for YOU. Then bring her into the boudoir and create a fun romantic adventure. Your partner will be saying, “Wow who was that last night? Let’s invite her back!”
4) Flirt – flirt for the sheer pleasure of it, not to be coy or seductive but simply to have fun with all the elements of life. Feel the wind on your cheeks, coo at a baby, swish your favorite drink or morsel around letting your taste buds enliven, open up to situations you normally are closed off to, stand at the edge of the surf with your arms extended to the heavens, smile or say hello to a stranger and feel how expansive you become!
5) Moxie – become the most magnificent version of YOU- no more playing small and hiding out. One of my clients, Carol, was tired of the “room mate” relationship her marriage had become and decided to step into what she wanted. While taking one of my playful programs she tried out a few of the sensual poses she had learned. She didn’t let it bother her that she wasn’t getting the attention she wanted initially – instead she continued for her own pleasure and it was then that her husband locked eyes with her and they had the most passionate night in years. No coincidence that when she was confidently dwelling in the sweet spot of her magnificence she became irresistible!
6) Dance – again a private affair! You can do this one of two ways – either stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself or close your eyes and let the energy of the music come up through you, having its way with you. Do you trust yourself? Do you feel safe letting go of control? Give yourself permission to let go and let this energy fill you with sensual bliss within. Notice how you feel full and your edges start to disappear. A combination of the two is optimal, seeing the look in your eyes after you’ve allowed this energy to flow within is powerful.
7) Let go – this can be terrifying for sure but keeping the package all nice and neat and looking good is exhausting! Keeping everything together is also about being in control and that’s engaging your masculine. It’s very hard to be in your sensual feminine essence when you are fighting to keep your masculine present. Granted there is real authentic fear about letting go but understand that being in control is really an illusion. Be willing to see it another way. Feel the fear, listen in, and work through it rather than let it paralyze you. In other words surrender…God/Source/The Divine will be there to catch you and always get you through!
These tips are not a singular quick fix – they are a practice, a way of life. Make the commitment to make this way of living a lifestyle and you will find yourself feeling full up with your feminine, sensual self – engaging everyone in your wake.
PS – If you would like help filling up with your soulful sensual Self check out the Soul Sparkle Retreat! Join a small intimate group of like-minded women who are looking to do the exact same thing as you – and have FUN doing it! Soul Sparkle Retreat.
Who do you want to become?
In the movie version of your life, are you the Leading Lady you always thought you would be? Are you living the life you want? Or are you stuck in the wings, afraid to step out and into the spotlight and own your divine power in this world?
God, the divine, a higher power…whatever you believe in, intended you to live an empowered existence, and to experience life in the highest and happiest way possible.
If you are sitting reading this thinking… YES! I am so NOT living my life to the fullest, or owning my Leading Lady life, then stay with me, because making the change from hiding in the wings to standing in your personal sparkling spotlight is easier than you think honeychild!
What does it take to be a Leading Lady?
Well look no further than Hollywood “A” list stars for examples. What do they have in common? They exude confidence and self-assurance, its clear that they love and respect themselves and those around them. There’s this magnetic energy that surrounds them and draws you in, that’s why their movies and red carpet events get so much attention!
Here’s how to start the journey to becoming your own sparkly Leading Lady.
First, write down the characteristics of your ultimate leading lady.
~ How does she think?
~ How does she dress?
~ How does she talk?
~ How does she react to situations
~ How does she show up in life?
Then Do This:
- Find a picture of a role model that represents your Leading Lady ideals (can be an actress, or politician, an activist , a friend or anyone that embodies your list of characteristics listed above) and post that in a very conspicuous place. Remember that you want to see this multiple times a day so don’t put it on the back of your closet door unless that’s somewhere you go often!
- Write the characteristics of your Leading Lady on paper and post it on your fridge or wall in your bedroom next to the pictures of you role model.
- Visit this Leading Lady vision board OFTEN, a minimum of twice a day and stick to it!
To become your Leading Lady you need to take her characteristics and create images with them. Our brain associates with pictures more readily than words, so here’s where you can be creative and build an image with yourself in it firmly anchored in those traits OR find photo’s that represent them.
You can create your own Leading Lady vision board if you want! Once you create the images connect with them, FEEL them, engage the senses. Do this consistently twice a day and watch your new sparkling self-image spring to life.
By holding the image and characteristics of the Leading Lady you want to be in your mind several times a day, you are introducing what I call ‘The Magic of a Good Attitude’ into your life. If your Leading Lady characteristics say that your role model has great posture and her house is tidy and she spends at least a few hours a week taking care of herself so she can take care of others, then you will feel compelled to sit up straighter, do those dishes and book that mani pedi next week!
Write down the characteristics of the woman you want to become, connect with it, own it and you will soon see your outer world changing in ways that confirm you have become her! It sounds simple but its really just about creating a different self-image and attitude.
I talk about being your Leading Lady in my book Sexy and Sparkling After 40, in a chapter I call ‘Adjust your Attitude’ that is super helpful for this. You can get your copy here
Do you wish your Valentine’s Day was a bit… more?
Are you craving more excitement, romance and passion in your relationship?
If you’re feeling underwhelmed by your romantic life (especially at this time of year) you aren’t alone.
Valentine’s Day is a holiday that puts a big spotlight on your love life. It can be daunting to realize that the once hot passion in your romance has cooled to a semi-happy ambivalence.
According to Pamela Haag, who has written a rather shocking book on modern marriage called Marriage Confidential, there is an uncertainty lurking just below the surface of many of today’s marriages. Haag’s research reveals that even though couples may rarely fight and may even maintain a sincere affection for each other, one or both may harbor a sobering sense that something important is missing.
If your partner feels more like a roommate than a lover, is it too late for you? Even if you are in what Haag calls a “Tom Sawyer” marriage where you are the career focused go-getter and your partner is retired, relaxed and disconnected from your efforts, I believe that you can recharge your relationship with the right tools. Click here to read the full blog and equip yourself with those tools!
Sometimes love gets lonely. Even in the best relationship, you can occasionally feel alone and isolated. That sense of separateness can feel like a canyon dividing you’re relationship.
Are you sitting home with your partner, night after night, feeling lonelier than if you actually lived on your own? Do you long for the past when you and your honey were so connected you couldn’t wait to be with each other and share every detail of your day? Are you puzzled trying to remember how and when the disconnection began?
Although we might believe marriage or partnership can insulate us from feelings of loneliness, this is not the case. Loneliness is determined by the quality of our relationships not by simply being in a relationship. Loneliness in relationships often happens slowly, as the disconnection we feel from our partner gradually increases over years.
At some point, discussions about mutual interests, goals and dreams, stop entirely and conversations become purely transactional (e.g., “We need milk,” or “Did you remember to pay the water bill?”), or focused exclusively on the children.
We can also fall into daily routines that create both physical and emotional distance. For example, one person watches television in the den while the other is in the office on the computer. In short, we lose the love and the affection but we stay in the relationship creating the feeling of being lonely in love.
So, what is the real reason we become disconnected and lonely?
Here’s a hint – disconnect happens when you start living from your head instead of your heart.
It’s easy to slip into this scenario – he says something that hurts your feelings and suddenly you don’t feel so free to share your inner thoughts. That is when the wall goes up that blocks out love and connection.
If you’ve been lonely in love, you don’t need to accept your isolated situation. There are steps you can take to remove the blocks to connection and regain intimacy you once had with your partner.
Here are 4 Steps to Rekindle Love:
1. Take the initiative. If you’re lonely, chances are your partner is lonely too. You may both feel trapped in an unhealthy cycle of emotional disconnect. Take the reins and initiate a conversation for connection. Ask them for their views about something they care about and make sure to demonstrate you’re listening. Validate their thoughts and emotions. Don’t expect them to reciprocate right away, as habits take time to change. With time, they’re likely to warm up to your new found interest in connecting and reciprocate the attention.
2. Create shared experiences. Think back to the type of activities you used to enjoy together and make a list of things you and your partner can do together. Having trouble? You can start by suggesting activities that require little effort (which will minimize objections) such as taking a walk around the block or in the park, cooking a meal together, or watching a movie together. Take time to reminisce by watching your wedding video together (reminding yourselves of more connected times). Sharing pleasant experiences together is a sure fire way to bring back connection!
3. Practice patience and forgiveness. Chances are your partner won’t always do or say exactly what you expect them to. Be patient, understanding and forgiving. Remember your goal is to rekindle the love and not to focus on every transgression! Expressing more sympathy and understanding toward them will deepen your mutual bond.
4. Focus on the positive. Your thoughts are creating an energy in your relationship that can be felt as your “vibe”. If you’ve been focusing on everything that’s wrong with your relationship, chances are you’ve had a bad vibe and have been unhappy. Make efforts to shift your focus to the positive. Think about the things you love about your partner and the aspects of your relationship that you appreciate. Try writing your partner a love letter or simply make a list of all the reasons you married your spouse. These simple affirmative acts, practiced often, will help your union thrive.
Practicing these 4 steps will move you to a more loving state and can pave the way to a happier more connected relationship.
As one of the hosts for the radio show, Loving Your Sensual Side, I recently interviewed my friend and colleague Shana James who believes that if you’re not getting what you want, then you’re not actually living YOUR life.
Wow, think about that!
Are you living a life of pleasure, passion, fun and fulfillment? Can you boldly express, “This is MY life and I love it”?
In the spirit of making 2014 your best year ever, I challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone to experience MORE. I want you to be that woman who is magnetic to everything she wants.
So, get ready to turn on your magnetic power! ==> Listen to Shana’s interview now
I’m so excited to share this radio interview with you because Shana really delivered the goods! I want you to drink from the well of knowledge so you feel awake and sensual and fully charged.
The title of the interview is, How To Slide Into Your Sensuality!
Enjoy the fun as Shana and I cover aspects of sensuality and femininity that include moving beyond fear, the secret to attracting love, and action steps to enjoy playtime.
This interview is not to be missed!
Click here to access the replay page ==> Slide Into Your Sensuality
Many women share that when they get in a relationship they lose themselves. Relationships are demanding and filling the role of wife and/or mother can be an all-consuming job. In satisfying the wants and needs of your loved ones, have you lost yourself?
Click here to watch this video and learn how to love without losing yourself.
Have you ever caught your man checking out another woman? Do you wish he’d stop noticing other women and rekindle his interest in YOU?
In this video I’ll share 3 tips that you can use to rev up your sensuality. Using these tricks will ensure that his attention won’t stray because you’ll become so playful, fun and sensual, he’ll only have eyes for you.
If you’re ready for attention and affection, watch this video.
To get access to the guided visualizations I mention, use this link Sensuality Meditation
Has your sex life become routine and rather boring? If you’re looking for ways to spice up your so-so sex life you are not alone girlfriend! Droves of women (many of them over 40) are looking for ways to reinvigorate their once steamy sex life.
Watch my video as I answer a client who questioned, “What’s the trick to getting a stick-in-the-mud husband to be more sexually adventurous? Since turning 40 my sex drive is so much better and I want to have more fun. How can I get him to join me?”
I’ll reveal a way to surprise your man and invite play back into your bedroom. Get ready for some fun!
===> Click here to watch the video “How to Have More Sexual Adventure”
If you are feeling like the bodice ripping romance ( as my friend Lauren Frances calls it) has left your relationship you are not alone…Researchers say that within a short two to four years, the chemistry between a couple begins to wear off. So even if it’s normal for long-term couples to lose “the spark” over time, how can they keep the romance alive?
I had fun making the video above where Melanie Gorman,Senior VP of Experts, asked
me and my fellow YourTango Experts Sheila Paxton, Barbara Schiffman, Charles Orlando to explain how to make date night zesty and exciting again.
Want to find out what’s necessary to keep it alive and fresh? Check out the video above! ( Give it a few minutes to load)
Leave a comment, I would love to hear your thoughts and see what works for you to keep the passion going.
Advice on how to align your social life with your relationship goals…
It’s natural when seeking out a healthy love relationship-to want to change yourself for the better. You think that a new haircut will make him fall in love again… a pretty dress will turn heads… an extreme diet and exercise regimen will make you worth loving. And these things can put an extra bounce in your step. But the best way to attract love into your life is to live your best life, a life in which romantic love is just the cherry on top.
Has your social life, or lack thereof, been holding you back from love-and from overall happiness? YourTango.com relationship site asked me and two other experts for tips on how you can evaluate your social habits, and change them for the better.