As we head into fall it’s the perfect time to regroup and refocus on the visions and goals we set at the beginning of the year. It’s so easy for everyday distractions to take us in different directions during the summer; maybe the kids are at home pulling on you in every which way or your relationship ended and you’ve been nursing some deep hurts. When the curveballs of life are poppin’ up it’s easy to find yourself losing sight of the goals you set out to accomplish AND your overall well being. Setting some personal boundaries is just what you need to remove the chaos and feel confident in your routine this season.
Here are 4 key area’s of YOU to take charge of:
Setting Boundaries Around Your Emotions
We all go through periods of depression, sadness or discomfort but we want to be careful not to wallow in these emotions. It is important though to acknowledge your feelings. Pretending that a difficult experience didn’t happen isn’t any healthier than refusing to move on from it. Allow yourself the time to process and heal, but decide that after a specific amount of time, you’re going to put the experience behind you and move forward.
Setting Boundaries Around Your Physical Movement
Creating healthy boundaries around physical movement is especially important for anyone who sits at a desk all day long. Set the alarm on your phone to remind you when it’s time to get up and stretch or drink a glass of water. Put on your favorite music and dance for two minutes or do an easy cross crawl, where you touch opposite hand to opposite knee while marching in place. Any of these activities will bring fresh oxygen to your brain, allowing you to work more efficiently and have better, more creative ideas.
Setting Boundaries Around Your Thoughts
One summer morning, I went out early, and I saw a woman walking her dog. It was a big dog, but you could tell he was still a puppy, and he was going nuts! First, there was a bird he wanted to chase, then it was a squirrel, then a gardener revved up his lawnmower, and the dog tried to dart across the street. Every time he tried to run off, his owner tugged on his collar, sometimes gently, sometimes with a little more force.
I looked at that dog, and thought, “This is how we are with our thoughts.” They take our attention here, there and everywhere. They zap our energy, hold us captive and keep us from becoming our glorious, sparkling selves. We have to rein them in just as that woman did with her dog.
Setting Boundaries Around Your Behavior in Relationships
I have a friend who recently admitted to me that she’s been stalking her boyfriend online. When I asked her why she was doing this, she told me, “If he’s doing things behind my back, I want to know so that I don’t end up getting hurt.”
This type of behavior is extremely common, and it isn’t just a problem in romantic relationships. Maybe you feel like someone at work is out to get you or can’t be trusted. If you go looking for evidence that supports those beliefs, chances are good you’re going to find it and end up making assumptions that have no truth to them at all. Free yourself from the need to confirm your worst fears and trust that God will show you whatever you are meant to know at the perfect time.
Did you find any of these area’s pertinent to you? If so, leave a comment below and let me know what steps you’re going to take to set healthy boundaries with yourself. Let your boundaries set you free!!!!!
This past week I was going through some old pictures and reminiscing about a wonderful day I had with my two great friends, Cherry and LeeAnn. We had gone on a 27 mile bike ride along the beach sharing our goals, funny stories and laughing about past memories.
We stopped for beer, delicious crab legs and hushpuppies (which I still dream about to this day!!) At the end of the day, as I was driving home, I found myself giddy from a care-free day of giggles, girl talk and spontaneity. I felt like I was in my teens again, not worrying about day to day chores or the stress that life can bring.
It was an incredible feeling – although I should’ve been exhausted from my bicycle adventure, I felt happy and ready to take on whatever life brought me. Even when I felt fully rested and relaxed the day before, my mindset was completely different.
I started to think and asked myself– why do we turn our backs on our youthful spirits? What are ways we can access our youth and allow it to re-energize us? I hear women all the time telling me how tired they are and how they wish they could attain a more energetic and sparkling mindset.
What about you doll? Can you relate?
Well here it is – simple and sweet – the secret to youth is to laugh and play with wild abandon.
As Oscar Wilde put it, “An inordinate amount of pleasure is the secret to remaining young”.
It’s been scientifically proven Laughter and merrymaking lead to a more joyful state of being and keep us dynamic. The more you are laughing, the more you are sparkling.
Not to mention the load of health benefits that come from a good giggle. Tons of hormones and chemicals are released that have an amazingly positive effect on the body – successfully lifting depression, anxiety, sadness and plenty of other soul squashing culprits.
How long has it been since you had a good laugh? I mean a gut wrenching, tear streaming, cheeks hurting kind of laugh.
If you’re like most busy women, it’s been too long.
Did you know the average person used to laugh 20 minutes a day and now it’s down to less than 5 minutes? Isn’t that sad? When did we all get so darn serious? It’s clear we’ve forgotten how to play!
I understand if you resist and put pleasure on the back burner. It’s the first instinct when you’ve got a to-do list a mile long.
But, I’m here to tell you, living a life of “have to’s” with few or no “get to’s” will leave you feeling unfulfilled, bored, disconnected and it will pull your energy down. This creates an aging affect where you become old before your time.
That’s the opposite of what you want!
Opening up to playfulness is the greatest gift – it frees the creative expression of your soul. Suddenly your charisma, magnetic charm and vivacious va-va-voom are larger than life. This is your diamond power, that lively youthful glow that money can’t buy. Yes, yes and YES baby!!!
Make a commitment to step outside of your routine to make fun and pleasure a priority. Your frisky feminine spirit – that juicy part of you that’s been buried far too long is dyyy-ing to come out and play.
When you start having fun you will activate your inner sparkle. This in-love-with-life attitude will give you energy and vitality in droves. Your joy will put a twinkle in your eye and a bounce in your step. Talk about connecting to your youthful spirit.
Even the simplest things can bring a whole lot of delight.
Ask yourself these 3 things to bring back your sparkle:
- What brings you great joy?
- What makes you laugh?
- What makes your face and heart smile?
Make a list of all the things that bring you bliss and then turn it into your Joie de Vivre to-do list.
If you commit to having FUN, living with passion, seeking silliness, and experiencing life with a thirst, you will be guaranteed a happy, youthful life. You’ll be irresistible to men, in fact everyone – and you will draw to you every dream your heart desires.
Year round we all long for the carefree, sunshine filled days of summertime. It is hard to think about summer without those feel-good tingles of joy and reminiscing on fond memories. Warm weather, endless opportunities and spontaneous adventures are around every corner!
Whether you are indulging in a tropical vacation or working and spending time with family at home, summer can be as sparkling as you make it! Re-inspire yourself this summer, no matter how you choose to spend it.
Start by asking yourself these two questions… Click here to discover the questions to ask to bring more summer fun
P.S. Super thrilled to be hosting my 3rd annual Soul Sparkle Retreat this week!!!! Ten beautiful and brave women said YES to their growth and Self-Care – yay for them!!!! Can’t wait to see them step into their most magnificent Selves!!! If you wanted to go but the timing wasn’t right for you this year, reach out and we’ll add you to the contact list for next year:))
When’s the last time you had a good laugh? I don’t mean a little chuckle, or texting LOL to a friend. I mean a real, joyful, throw your head back kind of laugh!
Research tells us we are more attractive to men (and everyone for that matter) when we laugh in their presence.
So the question arises, are you spending your free/fun time doing things that increase your joy and happiness?
Whether you are single or in a relationship: if you want some memorable co-mingling you’ll want to increase your love vibe by making sure you are behaving in ways that are in sync with the life you want to create!
Be honest. Are you spending your free time holed up in your own home or focused on completing your to-do list? If you are, yet deeply desire a loving relationship, you’ll need to make some serious changes.
Engaging in activities that leave you feeling unfulfilled, bored or disconnected will pull your energy down, making you less attractive and creating the opposite affect of what you want.
So make a conscious choice to reclaim your playful spirit. Be open, adventurous and daring! When you start having fun you will activate your inner sparkle and this in-love-with-life attitude will make you irresistible to the opposite sex.
Laughter is a way to increase your appeal pronto!!! It’s a fact that laughter helps us bond with others.
Ever heard the expression “Laugh and the world laughs with you”? Research shows that when we laugh, we tend to talk more, make more eye contact and do more of the things that help us connect with others.
“At the height of laughter, the Universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.” ~ Jean Houston
When you laugh, your brain responds by opening up to new perceptions. Your amusement creates your energetic state of being joyful that dispels anger, heals pain and releases stress.
There are other awesome benefits to laughing more as well: just hearing laughter helps to put us in a good mood, creating a positive emotional way of being.
You are sending a signal to your brain that you are in a state of happiness and relaxation. Correspondingly, your brain will shift your negative thoughts and emotions to the positive. This way of being is highly attractive and magnetic to others!
Basically, there are no downsides to laughter, and we should attempt to do it freely and more often!
Does this sound good? Ready to add more fun, joy, and laughter to your life?
Plan of Action:
Many of my clients use a Fun Journal – why not give it a try? Turn the first page into an index of 20 social situations that support your relationship goals and then act on one/week. Write about the outcome.
Here are 5 fun activities to get your journal started:
- Salsa dancing
- Meetup.com clubs
- Day trips
- Sporting events
- Festival music events
Get out there and have some fun! When you’re enjoying life and laughing, you’ll become an incredible magnetic force for love and happiness!
P.S. Big News! Launching my new digital talk show “The Miracle in You” this month!! Keep your eyes peeled!!!
For many years I let self-doubt, fear of being judged and criticized as well as worry about what others would think hold me back from pursuing my dreams and living a bigger life. At first it was around writing my book, Sexy and Sparkling after 40, and most recently it’s popped up again around my new talk show, The Miracle in You.
This scary feeling of not being good enough and comparing myself to others keeping me stuck.
Have you faced this in your life? Most people do, so if you are shaking your head “yes” you are in good company!!
The key question is: how do you overcome your fears?
What I’ve discovered is that fear is overcome with courage and the powerful tool of taking action – even when you are scared. Actually ESPECIALLY when you are scared. That’s how we grow and that’s how we build our self-confidence – stepping outside our comfort zone.
Consistent baby steps not only build self-confidence, they increase our self-esteem. With every step you start to believe in yourself a little more – you start to lean in and love yourself a little more – and with that you start emanating and projecting a certain magic mojo. Self-respect and confidence open up new possibilities and doors begin to open that move you in a whole new positive and exciting direction.
For me, developing my confidence is what helped me overcome my fear of not being good enough, and finally pursuing my dreams.
I still have that old fear crop up (as I mentioned with the new talk show venture), but now I use my tools to break through the wall of fear and come out on the other side victorious and more confident for having had the courage to try.
I’ve practiced boosting my confidence to overcome fear many times over the years, and that success fuels further success. It’s something that I now teach my coaching clients; how to build confidence and create happiness one step at a time.
It is possible, and actually exhilarating, to take control of your life by taking control of your self-confidence. When you take actions that improve your competence and your self-image, you can increase your confidence and go forward with gusto. Yeah baby!
Below, I outline 12 things that will help you instantly boost the confidence you need to move in the direction of your dreams. Self-confidence creates positive changes. Your dreams truly are attainable. By making one choice at a time, you can choose to experience all that you desire. The sky is the limit!None of these tricks is something you don’t already know – in fact some of them are very simple. But sometimes we need a reminder because sometimes that part of us that doesn’t want to move forward likes to make things complicated so we stay stuck. Let’s change that pronto!!!
I promise you that as you take new actions, your results will change. By making new choices frequently you will develop new habits. And, fresh habits will change the fabric of your life so that it unfolds in new and exciting ways. These 12 tricks are some of my favorite things, stuff that’s worked for me.
Pick and choose those that appeal to you, maybe just a couple at first, and give them a try. Have fun with this!
12 Tricks to boost confidence – Go for it with gusto
Physical fitness has a huge effect on self-confidence. If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By getting regular exercise, you improve your physical appearance, energize yourself, and accomplish something positive. Having the discipline to work out not only makes you feel better, it creates positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day.
2. Focus on contribution
Too often we get caught up focusing on our imperfections. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’re making to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about you own flaws. This will increase self-confidence and allow you to contribute with maximum efficiency. The more you contribute to the world the more you’ll be rewarded with personal success and recognition.
3. Good Posture
Research suggests that people with good posture have more confidence in their thoughts than slouchers. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically enjoy more confidence. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.
4. Compliment other people
When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insults and gossip. To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people. Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you’ll become well liked and build self-confidence. By looking for the best in others, you’ll bring out the best in yourself.
Set aside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for. Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum. You’ll be amazed how much you have going for you and motivated to take that next step towards success.
6. Personal Commercial
One of the best ways to build confidence is listening to a motivational speech. Unfortunately, Tony Robbins isn’t always in your area. You can fill this need by creating a personal commercial. Write a 30-60 second speech that highlights your strengths and goals. Then recite it in front of the mirror aloud (or inside your head if you prefer) whenever you need a confidence boost.
7. List your accomplishments
A fantastic way to remind yourself of what you are made of is to make a list as far back as you can of the things you’ve done that you are proud of. I keep a picture of myself at the top of a mountain I climbed as my phone wallpaper to remind myself that I can do anything I set my mind to – it helps and it will help you too! We often focus on what we HAVEN’T done making us feel bad about ourselves – a simple shift of focus to look at what you have done will start making you feel that inner swell of authentic strength and pride– boosting your confidence big time!
8. Speak up
During group discussions many people never speak up because they’re afraid that people will judge them for saying something stupid. This fear isn’t really justified. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.
9. Practice Good Scents
One study found that women felt more confident in social, business and romantic situations when wearing perfume. Spritz on your favorite scent before walking out the door to ensure you feel fabulously self-assured.
10. Dress Sharp
While clothes don’t make you the woman you are – they certainly affect the way you feel about yourself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personal appearance.Ditch your old worn out garments or donate them to a charity. Build a wardrobe of clothes that make you look and feel amazing. Looking good in fabulous frocks will spike your confidence and make you feel marvelous. Win-win!
11. Walk Faster
One of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about herself is to examine her walk. Is it slow? tired? painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you aren’t in a hurry, you can increase your self-confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make you look and feel more important.
Social psychologist Laura Kray, PhD, has demonstrated that smiling, laughing and engaging in slight physical contact when negotiating can help you win the day. Plus, it puts you in touch with your charismatic feminine energy, which is highly attractive to others. Flirtation can be like jet fuel for your confidence. Up, up and away!
So there you have it, a 12-step recipe to unshakable confidence.
Are you looking to revitalize your soul?
Maybe let go of the thoughts that still haunt you to feel at peace again?
Is it time to open your heart to love again? … but you’re scared and not sure how to do that…
Perhaps you want some clarity on how to start a new chapter in your life and want to learn your soul purpose but don’t have a clue where to start …
Or maybe you are in need of some well deserved ME time to relax, reflect and have FUN?
If this is you and you are looking for a “Calgon take me away” experience, I have a beyond fabulous solution for you…Soul Sparkle Retreat!
When I created Soul Sparkle Retreat it was with you in mind. I drew upon my own spiritual trips and transformational travels when designing this 4-day soul quenching adventure to give you the most powerful experience possible.
This annual event is dedicated to a small group of women looking to empower themselves by letting go of the past, increasing their confidence, stepping into their power, and discovering the voice of their soul so they can become their shining, happiest, BEST Self!
Every year I seek out a different location for you to step into the best version of YOU! This year we will be staying at a luxurious beachfront resort in Santa Barbara – renowned for its beautiful beach, serene and peaceful surroundings and powerful rejuvenating energy that emanates from this coastal jewel of a property.
You’ll experience inspiring retreat curriculum with life-changing ceremonies and sacred rituals and excursions, followed by integration time to allow your transformation to unfold with ease and grace. You’ll also be surrounded by like-minded, heart-centered women who are here to connect with their sparkling soul essence (and have some fun while doing it!).
Now is your time!
You are worth it!
What if you could?
What if it was easy?
If you are feeling a nudge and inner knowing that now is the time for you to say yes to YOU, step into your greatness, increase your joy and happiness and finally discover the voice of your soul, I invite you to learn more about Soul Sparkle Retreat.
The retreat is less than 5 weeks away, and right now there is just 1 spot left in the small, intimate group of amazing ladies I’ll be leading.
Click here to learn more about the Soul Sparkle Retreat
Here’s to you stepping into your true power on a whole new level.
PS – Don’t take my word for how transformational this retreat will be for you – listen to what Lisa B has to say about her experience at the retreat last year.
2018 Soul Sparkle Retreat from Sherri on Vimeo.
PPS – This is the only Soul Sparkle Retreat that I’ll be hosting this year, and once the spots are all taken, there won’t be another until 2020. So if this Retreat is calling out to you, just click on the link below and my team and I will help you take the next steps.
Click here to learn more about joining me in Santa Barbara!
As we celebrate this month of freedom, ask yourself, “am I willing to be free?”
Free from fear…
Free from worry…
Free from what others think?
Would you allow yourself to behave in ways that unleash your soul magnificence and express your Truth? We’re talking dancing freely in a park, speaking up in a group, acting silly publicly. Would you be willing to give yourself permission to express YOU? To trust there is a power far greater than you orchestrating the best and highest outcome for you?
We live in a land of freedom and yet so many of us are stuck. Are you ready to make a declaration to live fully into your vivacious, beautiful essence lovely? To be lit up from the inside out! Imagine yourself relaxed, confident, eyes sparkling – see yourself walking in glittering sunshine!! Can you imagine how this would impact your life and those around you? Woweeee!
The truth is we have the power to create this shimmering life and more… so why don’t we? What holds us back?
Click here to learn a three-step system to overcome your obstacles and move you to freedom!
PS – If you really long to make new friends and meet other heart centered fabulous like-minded women who, just like you, are dedicated to becoming their best most sparkling Self, then I invite you to check out my 2019 Soul Sparkle Retreat, August 14th-17th– at the luxurious Miramar Beach Resort in California.
This exclusive retreat is limited to just 12 women. I have 1 spot left, If you want to be one of them, email me today at Sherri@unleashyoursparkle.com.
With my “lifers” celebrating our friend Carrie’s birthday!
Yay summer is here!!! I love the long days of sunshine and warmth and all the opportunities for adventurous frolics!!! Yessiree summer is a fantastic time to reconnect with all your favorite girlfriends! And I’m not talking about putting together a brunch with friends where all you do is sit around complaining about the men in your life (or lack of) or indulging in gossip.
I’m talking about some serious, soul sister quality time where you drop down into your heart and engage in ways that inspire the release of that fabulous feel-good chemical oxytocin.
Sometimes referred to as “the love hormone,” oxytocin is released after sex, after childbirth and, when we spend time with our closest friends. It’s not surprising then that research points to longer, healthier lives for women with large social circles, while those who isolate themselves experience higher levels of stress hormones (which result in reduced well-being).
To make matters worse, isolation is a vicious cycle. If you’re already feeling lonely and depressed, you’re less likely to go out and engage with other people, which makes it that much harder to make new friends and widen your social circle.
Why Do We Lose Touch with Our Friends?
Sometimes it’s a matter of scheduling or geography. Sometimes we’re afraid of being rejected. You might think, “Oh, my friend has so much going on, I’ll just wait for her to contact me.” Then, when she doesn’t (because she’s not a mind-reader) you feel even more rejected, creating the exact scenario you were trying to avoid.
If you’re married, it’s possible that you’ve made your husband the center of your universe. But even in the closest of marriages, your husband will never fill the same space that your girlfriends do. Men are fixers. They won’t just sit there and chat with you about what’s happening.
Your girlfriends are going through the same challenges that you are—divorce, health issues, aging parents, problems with your kids, weight gain, hormones, all of it. So, prioritize your girlfriend time!
I have one group of friends that’s made it a point to get together on each of our birthdays for the last 40 years! If that’s too much of a commitment for your friend group, then plan one annual get together. It doesn’t have to be some huge trip so long as you make a point of creating something special together.
How to Reconnect If You’ve Let Those Friendships Fall Away
If you haven’t spoken to one of your friends in a while, a simple text to let her know that you miss her and would love to connect is a great way to open up the line of communication.
We often avoid reaching out because we think we’re going to need a marathon phone call to fill each other in on everything that’s been happening but that’s really not true. Five minutes is better than nothing, trust me. Let your friend know up front you only have a few minutes but wanted to connect and you’ll be amazed how uplifted, warm and yummy you’ll both feel with that short chat.
Ways to Build Your Social Circle
If you’re someone who has a hard time making friends or if you’ve lost touch with old friends and are trying to rebuild your social circle, here are some easy ways to get started:
- Join a women’s business networking group
- Find a women’s group at your church
- Take a class at your local community center
- Sign up for a weekend yoga retreat or workshop
If deeply connected friendship is important to you then make the commitment today to either reach out to one of your soul sisters OR spread your wings and do something different to meet a new friend.
Life is meant to be shared and enjoyed so don’t delay, connect NOW!!!
PS – If you really long to make new friends and meet other heart centered fabulous like-minded women who, just like you, are dedicated to becoming their best most sparkling Self, then I invite you to check out my 2019 Soul Sparkle Retreat, August 14th-17th– at the luxurious Miramar Beach Resort in California.
This exclusive retreat is limited to just 12 women. I have 2 spots left, If you want to be one of them, email me today at Sherri@unleashyoursparkle.com.
Yay summer is here!!! It’s time to step out of hibernation and soak in the sunshine! In my last post, we learned some great tools to let go of resentment and forgive so that we can “lighten” our hearts to open and connect with others more meaningfully. But for many of us, that can be easier said than done and we continue to hide even after healing our hearts.
So many women are struggling to connect with the people in their lives, or they want to take their closest relationships deeper but don’t know where to begin. Great relationships are all about connection. The key to connection is allowing others to feel us. This means speaking straight from your heart, being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be truly known.
For competent women who are used to being in charge and in control, opening up like this can be very scary. We get so attached to the potential outcome and worry that by expressing our fears, needs, desires, and yes, even our love to another person, they will judge us, abandon us, stop loving us or think we are weak.
So, what do we do?
Click here to find out how to feel safe being vulnerable.
PS. If you would like to open your heart and be free to share your love in a way that creates meaningful relationships Soul Sparkle Retreat would be life changing for you. It’s not just what transforms while you are there, it’s what continues to unfold afterwards that changes your life completely:).
Simply click here to sign up to speak with me to see if this retreat is a good fit for you. If you are ready to heal and open your heart book a time to chat with me – this is your moment, it will be another year till the next retreat. Give yourself the gift of living with FULL SPARKLE NOW!
“If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive.”
~ Mother Theresa
Wow – powerful quote…and sometimes easier said than done, right?
Is there anyone you’re holding a grudge against and having difficulty letting it go?
I get it – I’ve been there. Several years ago my sister and I got into a massive fight just minutes before interviewing my lead expert for a summit I was hosting. She said some things that shook me to my core.
I was stunned and shocked thinking, “Are you kidding me? You know I’m about to do one of the most important interviews of my life and you’re choosing NOW to bring all this up?” I was trembling with anger, my mind was frazzled and I was so hurt…but as I put on my lipstick I told myself to push it aside and pull it together!
And with the grace of God I was able to in that moment.
But once my interview was over it all bubbled right back up even bigger than before – the whole horrible experience kept playing over and over again in my mind – I wasn’t able to push it aside. I told the rest of my family and all my friends every little detail of what had happened, playing my victim role to the hilt and spiraling down into a vortex of blame, judgment, and self-pity. Ugghh, not something I’m proud of today but at the time, I felt justified.
Ever happen to you? Ever fall into the rabbit hole of righteousness and claim the “I’ve been wronged” role with a vengeance?”
Although it’s easy to do, it sure doesn’t make you feel very good does it?
After a few weeks of sleepless nights, lack of focus and an upset stomach this situation was taking its toll on me. I clung to the belief my sister should apologize, but that apology never came. Sound familiar?
I was tired of feeling so ugly inside and knew I had a choice – I could stay stuck in my story and all twisted up inside OR I could empower myself to shift out of it by healing the hurt.
The idea of forgiveness started to surface but to be honest I didn’t want to forgive her, even though I wanted to feel better.
Have you ever been there? Eeeesh it’s no fun, is it?
Ever wonder why forgiveness is such a tough thing to do especially when we most likely know that forgiveness puts us on the road to more love and freedom.
Primarily, it’s because many of us equate forgiveness with allowing or letting someone off the hook for wrongdoing. We think that by forgiving someone, we’re saying that what they did was okay.
Forgiveness can look like we’re condoning the other person’s behavior along with the hurt and pain they’ve caused us. It’s easy to get fooled with the thought, “Hey if I forgive him/her for hurting me I’ll just be setting myself up for more of the same.
The truth is when you hold resentment toward another you are binding yourself to that person or condition with an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Your freedom rests on dissolving that link and the only way to do that is with forgiveness.
So, in actuality, when we are able to forgive, we release ourselves from the bondage of the anger, hurt, resentment and possibly deep-seated pain we carry inside. Those feelings can keep us stuck and unable to move forward in our lives. For instance, if a past relationship caused you tremendous pain, you may be unconsciously sabotaging potential new relationships because you’re emotionally unavailable as you try to protect yourself. By not being able to release and let go of what happened in the past, you keep yourself closed off from the love, joy and happiness you most desire.
How can you move on without believing you’re condoning what’s happened in the past? Well, first, when you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean you have to continue to have a relationship with them. In fact, you never have to speak to them again-ever! It also doesn’t mean that when you say the words, “I forgive,” all is erased as if it never happened.
What is important to do, however, is to see the hurt you’ve experienced in a new light. It means connecting to and expanding that part of you that has never been hurt or harmed and can never be anything less than all-that-is. It means taking your past hurt to a new place…maybe even seeing the light AND the flaws in those that have “done you wrong,” with a measure of compassion for them.
I opened to this experience a few weeks into feeling so badly. It was Easter Sunday when I was sitting in church and asked God to lift this hurt from my heart and voila! I was instantly given a vision of my sister – she looked like an angel – and my journey of forgiveness began as I was reminded she is really a luminous light being. Within a few months I reached a place of peace and compassion.
Forgiveness gave me a new perspective that allowed me to see my part in this terrible tangle – and yes I did have an equal part in it. One of the biggest insights I had was that I could have chosen not to engage – that would have ended things before they got out of hand.
Although I don’t wish for anyone what I went through, I wish for everyone what I learned and gained from this experience.
The process of forgiveness is simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy or quick. And it does not mean you ever allow this to happen to you again. To be able to truly move on, it can be extremely helpful to follow one of the processes I used to arrive at a place of forgiveness.
There are seven steps to follow to get there:
- Look at the hurt you have not been able to forgive up to now.
- Identify and allow yourself to feel your feelings about that hurt. Is there anger or resentment there? Is there fear, shame, guilt, embarrassment, or some other feeling connected to your hurt?
- Imagine how your life could be if you released this hurt and all the feelings related to it. Visualize the joy, excitement and happiness you will experience.
- Now here’s the biggest step! Declare that you are ready to let the hurt go. Yes, make a declaration. “I, _____, am ready to release this hurt and the feelings I have experienced along with it!”
- Do it! Release it! Let it go! Forgive the person, including yourself, for what you went through. You can do this quietly to yourself, with a trusted friend or coach or by expressing it directly to the individual you want to release.
- Feel the freedom and exhilaration of all that is now possible in your life. Know that anything and everything is possible. Feel it. Believe it.
- Go for it! Take the first steps into the love and freedom you now have to create new or renewed relationships built on trust and mutual respect.
The result of forgiveness is the ability to feel safe opening and receiving as well as feeling incredibly peaceful, out of which flows natural feelings of affection and love towards yourself and others. And from that new place of expansion come peace, abundance, balance and a GREAT life. So, go for the good life. You deserve it!
As far as me and my sister…we’ve rebuilt our relationship and it feels darn good!!!
PS – If you are at a place where you want more freedom – where you know forgiveness, and letting go of resentments and hurts would move you forward into a happier life, take a look at Soul Sparkle Retreat