Give yourself some TLC with these 7 solid tips!
With Mother’s Day today, we are reminded to honor our own mothers and all the women in our lives who are mothers. But, what about you? Whether you are a mother or not, do you honor, nurture and nourish yourself? In other words, are you a good mom to you?
Many of us set aside our own needs and desires in order to help someone else. Sometimes it’s absolutely necessary to care for someone, especially a sick friend or aging parent. At other times, we may be called upon to support a colleague who is going through emotional upheaval.
Let’s face it, we all offer ourselves and nurture others at one time or another. Some of us do it continually, taking care of other people in our lives, being present for them and serving them on a daily basis.
Although it is beautiful to give our time, energy, love and attention to others – especially at those times when it is absolutely essential that we do so – there is a danger of forgetting about ourselves and our needs to be nurtured. This creates an imbalance in our own lives, causing us to lose our sparkle and self in the process.
And, let’s get honest, it can be exhausting, right? No matter how much you love others and are happy to give, you need a break! Otherwise you start breaking down…
How does it look when we become off-balanced, when we aren’t tending to our own needs? How does it feel when we haven’t focused on self-renewal or taken steps to revitalize and replenish ourselves? Well, imagine that you are a big, luscious crystal pitcher filled with lemonade.
Surrounding you is a circle of glasses that want to be filled up. These glasses represent the people in your life – your mate, your kids, your boss, siblings, parents, friends, colleagues, etc. As you focus on filling up everyone’s glasses – filling and refilling them because everyone continues to want more – what happens?
Eventually, the pitcher gets emptied. There’s no more lemonade to pour into the glasses. The pitcher is depleted. Everyone around you still wants more of your wonderful, yummy lemonade, but if the pitcher is not being refilled and replenished, eventually there is nothing more for you to give. That’s what happens when you do not take the time for self-renewal.
Like the pitcher, you eventually have nothing left to offer. You’ve squeezed yourself dry. Yet, you continue to try to give. However, now what you are able to “serve up” becomes flat – it doesn’t taste sweet anymore. Even though you know you are running on empty you push yourself to pour your pitcher anyway. And those who you serve are aware – often unconsciously – that what you’re providing isn’t as good as it once was. Maybe what you now offer is laced with bitterness, resentment, frustration and even anger.
So, what can you do to refill your pitcher – to renew yourself? First, it’s vital that you understand a key concept: the most important relationship you will ever have in your life is the one you have with yourself! If that relationship is not rock solid, and full of love for yourself, you can lose your way-even lose your sense of Self-and feel isolated, separate and disconnected from everyone and everything.
Alternatively, the more you nurture your relationship with yourself, the more you are ready and able to have relationships with others and give to them – whether that’s a spouse, partner, friends or family members.
How can you renew and nurture your relationship with you? At the core must be the belief that you are valuable, that you deserve to be cared for and that you’re worth it. So, the first step is to love yourself. You must be able to see that you are worthy of love and that the most important love you’ll ever receive is the love and acceptance you give yourself. It starts with you.
Once you acknowledge that you are important and worthy of love and self-care, you can take time to appreciate who you are and spend time refilling your pitcher. There are many ways to do this. To begin with, plan to give yourself some undivided attention. Focus on what you can do to breathe new life into your body, mind, and spirit.
Here are 7 suggestions to get you started:
1. Soak in the tub. If you love taking baths, create a tranquil ambiance – including candles and music – and soak in scented bath salts that relax and refresh your entire Being..
2. Get moving. For your body, exercise is another important component to include. Be sure to choose exercise you enjoy.
3. Eat well. Make healthy food choices and say ‘no’ to white flour products and refined sugar.
4. Take supplements. Visit a wellness store and get a good supplement plan in place … one you can stick with.
5. Listen to your body. Listen to your body and take care of your needs. Eat when you’re hungry, sleep when you’re tired, get a massage, indulge in a mani-pedi and kick any destructive habits/addictions you may be using to cope, like alcohol, drugs or food abuse. Don’t be afraid to reach out for support.
6. Appreciate yourself. Don’t forget about the little somethings that put smiles on faces and do those things for you. Write yourself a love letter, send a note of gratitude to yourself or even have flowers delivered to you at home or at work.
7. Just Say “No” – this can be so liberating! Give yourself permission to say no! We exhaust ourselves by saying “yes” when we want to say “no”. We fear we won’t be liked or people will be upset with us. Trust that setting a boundary will give you more energy and teach others to respect you and your time.
There is no better time to allow yourself some special self-love, attention and appreciation. Remember: it’s okay to admit that you need to be cared for as you care for others. That said, I encourage you to be a good mom to yourself. Take time this week to acknowledge and renew your relationship with yourself.
PS – A wonderful way to nurture and care for yourself is to get out of town – if you are loooonging for a few days JUST FOR YOU- where you will be loved and cared for, check out the Soul Sparkle Retreat! Join a small intimate beautiful group of like-minded ladies who are looking to do the exact same thing as you – and have FUN doing it! Soul Sparkle Retreat.
I was shocked when I read these statistics…and it made me sad. I thought, WOW.. this HAS to change!
Tell me if you agree…
* 75% of women are experiencing chronic stress? Did you know that?
* 1 in 4 women over 40 are on anti-depressants!!!!
That’s a lot of emotional distress happening, stealing your joy, radiance and happiness.
I say the time to change this is NOW! Don’t you agree?
Because the reality is, either you or a woman you know:
- Lacks confidence and has low self-esteem in love
- Feels like something is definitely missing
- Chronically busy – no time for herself
- Living for everyone else and feels lost and/or unappreciated
- Wants to open her heart but is scared to get hurt again
Or maybe you or a woman you know has gone from high functioning to low functioning and feels stuck and frustrated.
When you are in the murky waters of your mind getting unstuck and creating happiness can seem elusive; you can spin your wheels waiting for things to change.
The truth is you DESERVE to sparkle and have a life you love!!!
Which is why, if you can relate to any of the above, I have a solution for you.
Let me tell you about something I know, without a shadow of a doubt, will transform your life – something I’ve given a lot of thought to, keeping you and your needs in the forefront of my mind.
I’ve created an immersive experience for you that will definitely bring your va-va voom back…
Ready to hear my remedy for results?
I’m proud to present the 3rd annual Soul Sparkle Retreat.
This soul-enriching adventure will provide you with the tools and support you need to make REAL CHANGE for lasting results. You will leave feeling like a new woman, totally empowered having released the past and opening your heart. You will also have a practical plan of action for bringing more love and joy into your daily life.
This retreat is highly experiential – you will not be sitting indoors all day learning content (although we do a little of that). The majority of the time you will be transforming through awesome experiences.
Click here to discover what Soul Sparkle will do for you!
If you struggle with doing something nice for yourself, know you are not alone. These women felt just like you and made a decision to stop waiting and take action. Here’s what they had to say about their experience at Soul Sparkle Retreat last year:
“This has been an amazing retreat! I’m leaving with my heart and soul refreshed and ready to expand my life. It exceeded my expectations!” ~ Peggy
“What a very positive, rejuvenating, energizing, inspirational and fulfilling experience! I became clear on how I want to show up in the next chapter of my life. Recently ending a marriage I needed to move through to the other side and leave that life behind. I made the right choice to come to Soul Sparkle Retreat – this is right where I needed to be.” ~ Jane
“Soul Sparkle was a great experience – something I really needed to do to get back to me.”~ K.D.
“I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and I feel I faced old fears and definitely stepped out of my box. This was an excellent experience bringing me growth and awareness and it was fun! Met some awesome women too!” ~ Patty
Here’s why I’m sharing these with you – these women made the choice to put themselves first so they could create a more joyful, fulfilling, love-filled life AND show up with more love for those they love.
So here’s what’s NEXT if you choose:
Soul Sparkle Retreat has only a few spots left – if you are interested in feeling happy, reconnecting and anchoring more solidly into your beautiful, diamond essence, and generally expanding your life with more love, this would be a great next step for you.
Simply click here to fill out a form so I can schedule a time to speak with you and see if this retreat is a good fit for you.
If you feel a longing in your heart, hurry and book a time to chat with me – there are only 2 spots left! Does one belong to you?
Are you like most women, forgetting to take care of you when life is coming at you like a tsunami? It’s easy to live in your head and disconnect from the core essence of YOU when one thing after another is coming at you. When that’s happening do you know how to fill yourself up with your most loving, sensual, playful self?
It’s ok, you can admit it, not many women do. Honestly most women aren’t schooled or mentored in how to do this – we are taught how to make other people happy, how to make money, how to sacrifice our needs and made to feel selfish if we want a more pleasurable life.
In truth you don’t have to change who you are to have what you want. Simply embrace these 7 tips to fill up with your God-given feminine, sensual self. When you make a commitment to show up fully in this charismatic essence you will experience a much more love-filled, happy life!
1) Passion – the most attractive woman is the woman who loves life and feels desirable. Men see this in your eyes ladies – that you “have it”. When you make yourself the priority and then the man you gain his interest and respect. As soon as you value the man more you lose your appeal because you are not honoring and respecting yourself first. So discover what you are passionate about and make a bliss list of at least five things. Make sure at least three of the things are not dependent on others for your “feel good” and then do one of these things daily to fill you up with passion.
2) Touch – becoming intimate with you is paramount to creating intimacy with others. So get started by experiencing your senses. Take some “me” time in a private environment (like your bedroom), light a candle, put on some music and lay down completely naked. Close your eyes and slowly touch every inch of your lovely body in a very sacred manner. As you run your hands over your legs, belly, breasts and arms notice the feel of your skin, the inner sensations, and the pleasure your body feels in being touched so lovingly. Appreciating your body in a non-sexual manner will help you get to know you and your sensual self.
3) Fun – connect with your other personas and let your inner vixen out! There are so many leading ladies waiting backstage to come out and play and bedazzle and yet we let the same ole’ gal take center stage day in and day out. Mix it up! Recast your movie! Take up belly dancing, pole dancing or whatever would make you just a wee bit uncomfortable and do it for YOU. Then bring her into the boudoir and create a fun romantic adventure. Your partner will be saying, “Wow who was that last night? Let’s invite her back!”
4) Flirt – flirt for the sheer pleasure of it, not to be coy or seductive but simply to have fun with all the elements of life. Feel the wind on your cheeks, coo at a baby, swish your favorite drink or morsel around letting your taste buds enliven, open up to situations you normally are closed off to, stand at the edge of the surf with your arms extended to the heavens, smile or say hello to a stranger and feel how expansive you become!
5) Moxie – become the most magnificent version of YOU- no more playing small and hiding out. One of my clients, Carol, was tired of the “room mate” relationship her marriage had become and decided to step into what she wanted. While taking one of my playful programs she tried out a few of the sensual poses she had learned. She didn’t let it bother her that she wasn’t getting the attention she wanted initially – instead she continued for her own pleasure and it was then that her husband locked eyes with her and they had the most passionate night in years. No coincidence that when she was confidently dwelling in the sweet spot of her magnificence she became irresistible!
6) Dance – again a private affair! You can do this one of two ways – either stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself or close your eyes and let the energy of the music come up through you, having its way with you. Do you trust yourself? Do you feel safe letting go of control? Give yourself permission to let go and let this energy fill you with sensual bliss within. Notice how you feel full and your edges start to disappear. A combination of the two is optimal, seeing the look in your eyes after you’ve allowed this energy to flow within is powerful.
7) Let go – this can be terrifying for sure but keeping the package all nice and neat and looking good is exhausting! Keeping everything together is also about being in control and that’s engaging your masculine. It’s very hard to be in your sensual feminine essence when you are fighting to keep your masculine present. Granted there is real authentic fear about letting go but understand that being in control is really an illusion. Be willing to see it another way. Feel the fear, listen in, and work through it rather than let it paralyze you. In other words surrender…God/Source/The Divine will be there to catch you and always get you through!
These tips are not a singular quick fix – they are a practice, a way of life. Make the commitment to make this way of living a lifestyle and you will find yourself feeling full up with your feminine, sensual self – engaging everyone in your wake.
PS – If you would like help filling up with your soulful sensual Self check out the Soul Sparkle Retreat! Join a small intimate group of like-minded women who are looking to do the exact same thing as you – and have FUN doing it! Soul Sparkle Retreat.
If you found February to be less romantic than expected you are not alone. Many women confided they felt disappointed and disconnected (especially those in relationships). So today I want to share with you the key to a love life full of passion and soul-to-soul connection. It’s powerful. It’s sacred. It opens the gateway to intimacy.
Wanna know what it is…?
It’s actually quite simple…
TOUCH….absolutely key to feeling connected. It engages the senses God gave us for our emotional and physical well-being and pleasure, and is a powerful way to express what we cannot say. Yet still, we are a touch-starved society.
Don’t get me wrong; women love to hear the words, “I love you”, but touching launches relationships into intimacy by directly accessing the emotional self. Words are processed in the thinking part of the brain, while touch is processed by the emotional centers.
Endorphins, released by touching your lover or your own beautiful body, flow through the body creating a sense of caring and pleasure while calming daily stress.
A worldwide study done in the 1960s monitored the number of touches couples shared at coffeehouses around the world. The results reveal the drastic cultural differences we apply to skin-on-skin contact. Puerto Ricans got the prize-touching 180 times an hour, while Americans adhered to a strict diet touching only twice within an hour.
Thus began some serious research on the importance of touch, leading to the discovery that the amount of skin-to-skin contact in our lives plays a crucial role in our happiness and vitality. The act of touching influences our ability to form close relationships with other people, to deal with stress and pain, and even to fight off disease. The hunger for touch may manifest as depression, anxiety, irritability, boredom, pain, moodiness as well as make you feel isolated, separate and lonely.
So many women complain that their relationships lack intimacy-much of it arguably because of our touch barriers. We are born with an intense hunger for contact. The emotional development of babies depends on tons of touching and as adults we have a strong need to be held in someone’s arms, to hold hands, to be cuddled and caressed. Yet, most people don’t touch as often as they would like-afraid of being rejected as being needy or vulnerable, they cover their need for intimacy with work, activities, TV, food, drugs and alcohol.
If you want intimacy, it’s time to break the touch barriers! And the first step to developing a successful, intimate relationship with your partner is to first build intimacy with yourself. Exploring every inch of your body will help you get to know what you like and what makes you feel good. Once you’ve got this down, you can reach out to your partner with confidence to create the closeness you crave.
With all these fantastic reasons to bring touch into relationships let’s take a look at 7 ways you can incorporate touch into your life.
- Kissing: A 20-second kiss will raise his testosterone levels and make you feel closer.
- Moisturize head-to-toe: Applying lotion to your body guarantees that all of your skin will be touched and rubbed. For an added calming effect, use an aromatherapy lotion scented with lavender.
- Yoga: This popular fitness trend offers many of the benefits of touch because the poses involve rubbing limb against limb. Some Iyengar yoga classes also include a partnered practice-a great way to get your RDA of touching.
- Hugging: Full-body hugging increases closeness, connection and safety.
- Massage: The shoulders, hands and feet create an emotional release when touched. New York-based sex therapist Mildred Witkin suggests couples should practice touching in a way that is not explicitly sexual to keep intimacy and playfulness alive.
- Two to Tango: Dance classes are a great way to meet new people, and have your hand and waist held all evening long. Contact your local YMCA or dance studio for schedules.
- Back Rubs: Studies show that a daily back rub drastically reduces anxiety and creates positive changes in attitude.
Whether you are in a relationship or not, take the time to nurture yourself or your partner with some loving touch – it’s your gateway to intimacy, providing a powerful, solid message of care, support, acknowledgment and love.
As we are in the month of love there is a promise, a hope a thought… this year is gonna be different. I’ve spoken to so many of you in the Sparkle Community ( many of you in relationships) who’ve said, “This is MY year to experience that deeply connected love I desire -it’s time and I deserve it!”
Yes you do!!! You ABSOLUTELY deserve to experience great love and the time has never been better than now – so stand up, draw an invisible line, step over it and claim it victoriously! Do it now!
Whether you’re looking or in a committed relationship it’s time to take bold action moving you towards your dream. If you are single I always say there’s a lid for every pot and if you have a lid, well you may just crave a better fit. Regardless, make a decision for your dream by implementing what I’m about to share with you today.
Hmmmm…are you beginning to notice any anxiety rising up? Twitching. Starting to sweat. Are you hearing yourself blurt out, “Not so fast!. As much as I want that, it’s a little bit scary. I don’t know if I can trust again…I’m not sure I’m ready to open my heart again…but dang I really want it! Ay yi yi what a conundrum!
If that speaks to you in any way, and you’re ready to let your desires zoom past your fears you’ll want to learn the 3-step process shared in the video below.
That’s why I’m writing to you today. Because all those doubts can disappear… forever.
Click the video below to learn more!
It’s my easy-to-implement “3 STEPS to make it safe to love again” video. I created it especially for you, because I’ve been where you are.
And I know that deep down you are longing to experience a love like no other.
By the time we’re done, you will have a key tool to succeed.
To set you free and help you feel safe to love again.
And steer you in the direction of the love you’ve missed out on all your life.
Now is your time! Leave behind the doubt, fear and paralysis that’s kept you hiding. A romantic adventurous and fulfilling love life is waiting for you!
Hallelujah it’s a brand new year lovelies! Fresh start. Big possibilities. Let’s dream!!
This month we’re going to be designing your most sparkling blueprint for the coming year – that means you’ll get a weekly article in the Sparkle community AND you’ll have the opportunity to listen to a call I’m hosting this week to help you soar into 2019!!!
So… do you have a clear vision yet for what you desire in 2019?
Could you describe it in detail right now or is it a bit fuzzy?
If you are like most people, you see bits and pieces of what you want to happen or you might be afraid to dream for fear of being disappointed, so it’s still a blank canvas.
Regardless, know that you can have the love-filled, FUN, joyful life you desire. All you have to do is get very specific about what you want and stay connected to that vision every day and voila you are making welcome the life you would love.
So, let’s get you crystal clear!!
Here are 3 key steps to clarity:
#1 – Ask yourself, “What do I really want? What would I love? What would my life look like if I were living as my most magnificent Self? What would life look like if I were living totally empowered?”
Would you have a deeply connected, loving and passionate relationship? How about letting that sensual, vibrant, healthy body come out to play? What about an exciting career that’s not only fulfilling but catapults you out of bed every morning with unbridled enthusiasm for the day? Is your bank account big and fat allowing you to travel to those bucket list places and have that magnificent Mediterranean home overlooking the ocean?
#2 – Give yourself permission to envision every area of your life as a 10 for a full spectrum SPARKLING life. What would that look like? The sky’s the limit! Think of every aspect of your life. Remember you can have it ALL – as far and wide and technicolor as your imagination can fathom.
#3 – Determine what you want, write it down (research shows you 10x manifestation by getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper :)). Write it in first person present tense to direct the energy to the present moment. That’s how we close the gap from where we are to where we want to be. Be as detailed as possible. The law of specificity is one of the 3 most important invisible laws of success. The more specific you are the easier it will be to bring forth your vision.
How do you feel right now? Thrilled? Expansive? Excited? Inspired? Hopeful? Doubtful? Take some deep relaxing breaths and let yourself percolate. Let it sink in that you have control over the course of your life.
If you have felt like a buoy in the ocean bobbing about at the mercy of the waves, you now know you can anchor yourself with a clear vision of your choice (if some parts of the vision are still fuzzy, no worries. Let it come together organically as you lean into it and TRUST it will all come together)
So give yourself permission to dream…BIG! This is going to be your BEST YEAR EVVVVER lovely!!!!
In my last article, we explored the power of charisma to attract and inspire. When you connect with your charismatic nature, you shine with a light that is irresistible to the people around you. However, sometimes we inadvertently disconnect from that light by engaging in self-defeating behaviors that dim our sparkle and leave us feeling lousy.
One way to immediately lose touch with your charisma is by comparing yourself to others. Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and boy, was he right! When you compare, you engage in a thought pattern that wreaks havoc with your self-image and takes away your inner light like nothing else.
The Dangers of Comparison
We live in a society that inundates us with images of other peoples’ “perfect” lives. Whether you’re flipping through a fashion magazine or scrolling through your Facebook feed, it doesn’t take much to start believing that you’re not measuring up or living as fully as you would love.
But you have to remember that you’re only ever seeing part of the picture. Fashion photography is always touched up, and your friends on social media mostly post about the good stuff. It’s impossible to know what’s really happening with other people, so when you compare yourself to their “outer world” as you see it, you’re comparing your reality against a perception that is rarely, if ever, based in fact!
Always Remember You Are Perfect
We’re all made uniquely and masterfully. When you compare yourself to others, what you’re doing is communicating the belief that you’re flawed, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! If you’re having a hard time believing that, try these tips:
- Push pause on your thoughts of comparison. Don’t deny the thoughts and don’t judge them. Just accept that they’re coming up, take a breath and repeat to yourself, “I am enough, I am a beautiful being, I am unique.”
- Focus on the truth. Ask yourself what you know to be true. Focus on your strengths and what’s good about your life. Then ask yourself how you can be your most sparkling self at this moment. How can you be your own best friend?
- Smile at yourself. If you find yourself falling into the comparison trap, look in the mirror, wink, smile, and say, “Hi Beautiful. You’re perfect just the way you are!”
I have a client who was dating somebody on and off for quite a while. She knew she was in love with him, but they weren’t exclusive. One night, she discovered that he was out on a date with someone else. Instead of getting upset, she empowered herself by repeating this truth, “ Whoever she is, she’s not me. I am a unique, beautiful woman. I know that I am lovable and high-quality – if this is the right guy for me, he’ll see that too.”
She and that man have now been married for twenty years! Why? Because the next time they were together, she didn’t show up in an anxious, jealous headspace. She held her own, refused to fall into the comparison trap and stayed solid in who she was, which made her irresistible.
Put Your Attention on Your Intention
If you have the intention of living a fabulous life, being centered and feeling good about yourself, but you continue to let your attention go to comparison, you’re going to find it nearly impossible to close the gap between your intention and where you are now.
Direct your energy towards your intention and take steps to support yourself in achieving that goal. This will keep you moving forward and allow your beautiful, charismatic self to shine through!
This month, we’ve been celebrating independence with a series of posts aimed at helping you free yourself from limiting thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors so that you can move forward with clarity while inviting more love, joy, and fun into your life. I know this might sound counterintuitive, but one of the best ways you can create and nurture a sense of freedom for yourself, is by learning how to accept others exactly as they are.
Loosen Your Grip
It’s very common to want our loved ones, kids, friends, siblings even strangers to say things or behave in ways that we find acceptable and pleasing. However, having those expectations often sets us up for disappointment. If you think about it, what we are saying with this expectancy is, “you have to act this way in order for me to feel ok”. No wonder many of us are upset and frustrated much of the time – with this belief we give our power away, reliant on others to create our state of being. What an emotional roller coaster!
Growing up in a family where my brother was the golden child I got into this habit, very early on, in regards to my mother’s behavior towards me. If she said something sharp or gave me the silent treatment, my entire mood would change and I’d either become quiet and hurt or angry and explosive. I desperately wanted her to treat me with the love and kindness she showed my brother. This created years of conflict.
One day, my mom was upset about something that she refused to discuss. After several frustrating attempts to get her to share what was wrong, I went outside to get some fresh air and cool down. All of a sudden I was inspired to pray with a specific question that came into my mind: What would love do?
It was like I’d gotten this immediate download from God. At that moment, I was able to see and feel what was happening for my mother emotionally; her hurts and disappointments in life. That shift allowed me to stop making it about me and my pain and move into a deep compassion for my mom that filled my heart and soul. When I walked back into the house, not only had this experience shifted me,it had changed her too. She opened up and told me what had been bothering her, and we were finally able to connect. This was the first time EVER and it was the beginning of a beautiful new relationship with my mom.
Tips for Becoming More Accepting of Others
As soon as I started accepting my mom for who she is, no matter what her behavior towards me, our relationship began to evolve. So, the next time you find yourself in that rigid place, working to change or fix another person, I encourage you to use the following tips:
- Take three big breaths. If someone says something that upsets you, take three big breaths before you respond. Breathing interrupts your reactive patterning and calms your central nervous system allowing you to become more neutral and peaceful. This is always a better place to come from when responding 🙂
- Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Most of the time, when we find ourselves getting angry, it’s because we think something is happening to us, but it’s far more likely that whatever is going on, has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person. Try creating a scenario. Maybe that person just got fired, or they found out their child is sick. Imagine as many possible scenarios as you can that have nothing to do with you.
- Bless the other person silently. When you bless somebody, what you’re doing is sending them love, which has the power to dissipate anger energy and allow you to approach the other person with compassion. You don’t need to do this out loud, focus your mind on the blessing and send that loving energy in the other person’s direction.
Remember to ask yourself, “What would love do?” and know that by accepting your friends, partners, and family members exactly as they are, you’re not only freeing yourself from unnecessary stress, but you’re also offering them the opportunity to be authentic and vulnerable with you, which can only benefit your relationship over the long term.
Are you a master at taking care of the feelings and problems of everyone else?
Are you clear about the things that are your responsibility and the things that aren’t?
Do you struggle with saying no?
If you’re reading this and saying to yourself, “yup that’s me!” you’ve probably got some challenges with setting boundaries beautiful. By the way – you are not alone! Many of the women I talk to and coach would rather twist themselves into a people pleasing pretzel than say “no” to a loved one, friend or boss.
People are so fearful of setting boundaries because they’re worried the other person involved won’t like it.
Can you relate to that?
In Dr. Henry Clouds book, When to Say Yes How to Say No, he says healthy boundaries will increase your love and save your life. Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we must create mental, physical, emotional and spiritual boundaries for ourselves. Although physical boundaries are easier to see, the invisible property lines are just as real, and they define, protect and maintain your soul.
The truth is boundaries define everything! As scary as it seems, setting boundaries has the opposite effect of what we expect. Not only will you gain more respect from others, but you’ll start to respect yourself more as well!
Practice Setting Boundaries Everywhere
You can create a powerful invisible fence with your words baby. All you have to do is begin by saying “No!” Let it rip!! Feel the freedom as you honor your needs and feelings!
If you don’t like the way someone is treating you instead of taking it and becoming resentful, empower yourself by saying,
“I don’t like it when you yell at me!” or “No that behavior is not okay. I will not participate in that.” Your words let people know where you stand and gives them the “rules” of your yard.
One of my clients, Sasha, recently told me that she’d set a boundary with a parking attendant. He was speaking to her rudely and she quickly set him straight with a firm, “Don’t talk to me like that!” After that, he smiled at her and treated her totally differently.
Why? Because she’d instructed him as to how she wanted to be treated. She set a boundary and didn’t even think twice about it. Her words just naturally flowed out of her mouth and the guy responded very favorably.
Imagine what your life would be like if you set boundaries like that everywhere you went!
It’s OK if It’s Uncomfortable at First
Sasha happened to be a people pleaser. In the past, if she’d spoken up at all, she’d have felt guilty and very bad about herself. If you can relate, then setting boundaries might be uncomfortable at first. It might even continue to be uncomfortable after you’ve done it several times because building a new behavior takes time.
That was true for my client – after the incident she said, “See, I told you men love bitches.” But she wasn’t being a bitch. She was teaching him how to treat her.
Although Sasha had stepped beautifully into a new behavior (and continues to do so) the part of her that wasn’t yet fully comfortable in this new role of expression popped up to hijack her victory. We talked about it and she was able to quickly shift her perspective from feeling like what she said was bitchy to recognizing it was firmly anchored in self love and integrity.
I share this with you because the same thought might cross your mind as you begin to set appropriate boundaries at appropriate times with the appropriate people.
Don’t let the discomfort cause you to fall back into your old ways. As my fitness coach used to say, “get comfortable in the discomfort” because pushing the envelope will pay off big time.
Other people may not like it when we start to set boundaries but you know what? That’s OK. When you set boundaries, you’re honoring yourself and telling people that you value yourself. You’re telling them that you have integrity and self respect.
Setting boundaries is not about being a bitch. It’s about speaking from a place of truth and honoring as opposed to fear. Remember, you’re building a whole new persona. People will see you differently and that’s OK! You are stepping into your core diamond power bravely showing others another facet of your most magnificent Self.
Happy New Year Dahhhhling!
We are entering into a new year – a fabulous time to dream, to blossom, to expand, to recommit to living as the Sparkling happy, fun-loving, successful (whatever that means to you) person you were born to be.
Typically this is a time to set resolutions – to make your goals. I’m going to go against the grain and invite you to forget about the ritualistic declaration of resolutions! Instead I challenge you to commit to living on the edge of your comfort zone.
You know why?
Because resolutions are ideals and without a plan it’s easy to get distracted, detoured, and drift. That can set into action some pretty brutal self-talk about not being able to get your act together to make it happen. And that leads to feeling bad about yourself. Not good!
But stepping outside your comfort zone…that involves taking ACTION! And no matter what the outcome, you can be proud of your bravery. That will build your confidence making you feel good about yourself.
And you know what?
Each step will move you closer to your dream. Voila! Pretty cool, right?
This idea of taking bold action is backed by some pretty amazing iconic females like Diane Feinstein who says the key to a happy and fulfilling life involves taking risks and stepping out of your safety zone.
She says that’s when life becomes magical and you are truly living into your genius and greatness.
As inspiring as that sounds you may be saying to yourself, “That seems kinda scary. My life may be a bit boring but routine suits me just fine – sure I may complain a bit but at least I know what to expect and I like being in control…” sound familiar?
In the spirit of this theme I am committed to speaking my truth – even if it’s a little risky -because I want to shake things up for you and nudge you in the direction of your bliss.
So here goes…living a routine life will suck your spirit dry! You’ll be parched, wilted, lifeless, dreamless with about as much energy as a sloth on a hot summer day. It’s time to follow your dreams and drink deeply from the well of the unknown. The excitement of the risk will make you feel vibrant and alive!
Now you might be thinking, “How does one do that?” Truth be told all it takes is an intention to make 2016 the year you live fully, a willingness to be open to new experiences, ready to receive all the good God wants you to have, and a commitment to bring forth consistent courage.
This means reflecting, identifying and overcoming those things that keep you in your rut. Then coming up with new behaviors and structures that are in alignment with who you want to become; the you that embraces life and all it’s opportunities; the you that is determined to look back at your life with no regrets.
Living your BEST year involves a commitment to a way of being. It’s realizing that life is full of choices and that we are each empowered to make choices that bring us the most joy, the most growth and the most fulfillment.
To get you started I want to share 3 powerful and energizing tips I learned about and took action on over the holidays.