Last week we talked about setting yourself up for success in 2019 with 3 questions to gain clarity on your dream.
Did you answer them? Let’s assume you have. Ok then! You’ve got a dream, a goal, ambition and you’re ready to take the world by storm. Woo hoo!
And then, if you’re like everyone else, almost as soon as you decide to go for it, it seems like one thing after another comes up to side track and derail you! Soooooo very frustrating isn’t it???
Here’s the thing…anyone who’s dared to dream knows that the initial excitement will eventually be met with some form of obstacle or resistance. In addition to those outer roadblocks, your inner world starts to create some jam ups too. Why? Because as soon as you decide for a dream anything unlike it must come up to be released and re-patterned. So, how do you move past these derailments on the path to your oh so awesome dream?
The first step is to recognize that a roadblock is not a dead end.
When a challenge arises, it’s important to stay connected to your “why” and not to give up. Why do you want this particular thing? As long as you keep this in the forefront of your mind you can recenter, refocus and recommit.
After all, a detour on the way to work wouldn’t keep you from getting to your end destination. So why would you let a detour on the path to your dream keep you from reaching your aspirations?
Today I’m going to share the 3 most common obstacles people encounter on the way to their dream and how to recognize these culprits and move past them.
This way, when you encounter an obstacle you can say, “Nothing is stopping me – there is a power far greater than me – that is ALWAYS with me – that can help me handle any curveball that comes my way! I’m on course for my dream life!“
Viva la dream building!
Hallelujah it’s a brand new year lovelies! Fresh start. Big possibilities. Let’s dream!!
This month we’re going to be designing your most sparkling blueprint for the coming year – that means you’ll get a weekly article in the Sparkle community AND you’ll have the opportunity to listen to a call I’m hosting this week to help you soar into 2019!!!
So… do you have a clear vision yet for what you desire in 2019?
Could you describe it in detail right now or is it a bit fuzzy?
If you are like most people, you see bits and pieces of what you want to happen or you might be afraid to dream for fear of being disappointed, so it’s still a blank canvas.
Regardless, know that you can have the love-filled, FUN, joyful life you desire. All you have to do is get very specific about what you want and stay connected to that vision every day and voila you are making welcome the life you would love.
So, let’s get you crystal clear!!
Here are 3 key steps to clarity:
#1 – Ask yourself, “What do I really want? What would I love? What would my life look like if I were living as my most magnificent Self? What would life look like if I were living totally empowered?”
Would you have a deeply connected, loving and passionate relationship? How about letting that sensual, vibrant, healthy body come out to play? What about an exciting career that’s not only fulfilling but catapults you out of bed every morning with unbridled enthusiasm for the day? Is your bank account big and fat allowing you to travel to those bucket list places and have that magnificent Mediterranean home overlooking the ocean?
#2 – Give yourself permission to envision every area of your life as a 10 for a full spectrum SPARKLING life. What would that look like? The sky’s the limit! Think of every aspect of your life. Remember you can have it ALL – as far and wide and technicolor as your imagination can fathom.
#3 – Determine what you want, write it down (research shows you 10x manifestation by getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper :)). Write it in first person present tense to direct the energy to the present moment. That’s how we close the gap from where we are to where we want to be. Be as detailed as possible. The law of specificity is one of the 3 most important invisible laws of success. The more specific you are the easier it will be to bring forth your vision.
How do you feel right now? Thrilled? Expansive? Excited? Inspired? Hopeful? Doubtful? Take some deep relaxing breaths and let yourself percolate. Let it sink in that you have control over the course of your life.
If you have felt like a buoy in the ocean bobbing about at the mercy of the waves, you now know you can anchor yourself with a clear vision of your choice (if some parts of the vision are still fuzzy, no worries. Let it come together organically as you lean into it and TRUST it will all come together)
So give yourself permission to dream…BIG! This is going to be your BEST YEAR EVVVVER lovely!!!!
Wow, are we really in the “nth” hour of 2018? Can you believe it??
You may have had a really tough year and are looking forward to saying sayyyy-onnnn-ara!!!.That’s probably true for many people. On the other hand, there is no doubt you’ve had some real gem moments that may need to be mined from the last year.
Whether you’ve had high times or low times, there is some great wisdom to be had in all of it… if you know how to look for it.
Something I like to do at the end of the year is a “real”reflection because if you are anything like me, there is a tendency to focus on what didn’t get done. Right? Mama mia that can take you right down the rabbit hole!
So today I’m sharing this year end tradition with you; it’s perfect to do right now before you get caught up in all the New Year’s Eve glitz and blitz.
This tradition I started several years ago is not only easy and fun, it helps me see all the good things that happened; clear the chaos and clutter to GET the lesson, and sets me up for a spectacular and exciting New Year.
What I’m talking about involves 3 simple questions.
PS – I’m cooking up a call that will bring you magic in 2019!! Stay tuned and eyes peeled – it’s happening end of the month:))
In my last post, I wrote about how choosing to give – whether it’s a physical gift, or simply the gift of your smile, time or attention – can powerfully raise your vibration.
It can be tough to live in a “feel good state” during the holidays, when so many people are actually feeling sad, downtrodden, perhaps lonely or just uninspired. Are you challenged to feel happy with where you are at this time of year?
Today, I’d like to share an exercise with you that will certainly lift your spirits and help shift you into a “I welcome more love into my life” kinda space this holiday season.
Give Back to Others through Gratitude
It’s the end of the year. As 2018 winds down, we’re encouraged to reflect on the last 12 months and consider how our lives are different. Has your life changed in a positive way? Are you happy with where your life is at right now?
I also love to reflect on the people in my life: who has impacted me? Who has been generous and kind with me, and made a difference in my life?
Recently I remembered an assignment my mentor gave me last year that was powerful and impactful – to write a thank-you note to somebody who had touched my life. I took on the assignment whole-heartedly, and wrote a letter to an old friend who, back in 1999, said something that changed my life forever.
“Let’s start a business together, Sherri!” were her exact words.
And we did! That simple phrase, and the actions we took after, started me down a life-changing path that has not only taught me so much about myself, but brought me endless joy and fulfillment. I wrote her a thank-you note and mailed it to her. Then I forgot about it.
About a week later I received a phone call from her. She told me what a difference my note had made in HER life that day and how grateful she was to hear from me. What a wonderful gift she gave me in calling me, and we were able to reminisce and celebrate our appreciation of each other!
Since then I’ve written many thank you notes and always felt the same joy and warmth fill my heart. I invite you to give yourself and someone else the gift of gratitude thru a note, text, phone call, or face-to-face visit…it’s such an easy, powerful way to feel good you’ll love it!
Give Back Consciously
This memory of sending a thank you note jogs another memory to mind – years ago, one of my clients was very frustrated in her marriage. Her husband didn’t seem to be emotionally invested, she was frequently angry and disappointed and secretly wondered if the marriage was about to collapse.
Instead of filing for divorce, she decided to shift her thoughts and write a love letter. She wrote about how grateful she was for all the ways he had shown up in their marriage, and she gave him the letter.
What a world of difference! After reading the letter, his normal distant behavior became friendly and connected – it was like she had a new husband! They had one of the best nights of their lives: he totally opened up, they had a great dinner together, and finally their hearts were able to reconnect.
In my book, I emphasize that when you give from the heart without any underlying motivation, your diamond power will ignite and light you up from the inside- allowing others to see the True YOU. Giving from the heart is the best investment you can make. You will always feel expanded and blissful when you give generously, without an agenda, and you will always find the key to your sparkling radiance in the act of giving.
This week, I present a CHALLENGE to you – I invite you to give back with all your heart. Give just to give. Set aside any fears of exposing yourself or feeling vulnerable or getting rejected… trust the process, and find a way to give to someone you love.
Let me know how it goes in the comments below – choose love!!!!
PS – I’m cooking up a call that will bring you magic in 2019!! Stay tuned and eyes peeled – it’s happening end of the month:))
We’re supposed to believe that the holiday season is the “most wonderful time of the year,” but for many people, November and December can be the hardest time of year.
If you’ve been feeling down, lonely, depressed or generally just “blah” this month, you’re not alone! And if you’re going through tough times, I’ve got the perfect remedy for you.
This holiday season, you can say sayonara to sadness and raise your vibration and your spirits by focusing on this one thing. You can turn bad feelings into beautiful ones this season if you include this into your day
What’s the perfect remedy for beating the holiday blues? It’s actually simple and doesn’t have to cost a dime…Click here to find out more.…
Last week we looked at what happens when you release the hardened energy – resentment, defensiveness and anger – around your heart; in other words when we forgive. We discovered it actually creates space for love and generosity to enter the picture.
Today, we will look at dovetailing another beautiful practice to open the heart even more – gratitude.
You might be asking, “how does gratitude tie in with forgiveness?”
Actually, pretty powerfully. Forgiveness doesn’t always happen overnight. In fact, sometimes it can take years of emotional work, sifting through the layers of the hurt, until we’re truly able to release old, hardened emotions. Little by little we get to a peaceful place.
Gratitude is a tool you can use to close the gap quicker – one I’ve found to be very successful with clients and would like to give to you too.
Are you ready? I think you’ll love how simple it is and quick! It’s the practice of gratitude. The big question that can really move things forward if answered honestly is this: What can you be grateful for about this person who has caused so much pain?
Gratitude for Our Sacred Friends
The Dalai Lama has a wonderful quote about what he calls “sacred friends.” These are the people who come into your life and push you to grow – and often, it’s a very painful process. Here is what he says:
“Everyone has friends; we all have friends. Friends easy love, easy forgive. But we have our sacred friends. Sacred friends very, very difficult. Chinese government, my sacred friend. Not Chinese people, Chinese government. Chinese people don’t do this; this is Chinese government that does this. The Chinese government is my sacred friend because without the Chinese government doing what they’ve done, I would never have had to evolve my heart to be bigger than the pain they bring.”
What can you be grateful for with regards to the person you need to forgive? What did he or she teach you? How did you grow, what monumental shifts did you experience as a result of that challenge?
Here’s an example. I divorced my ex-husband when I discovered years ago that he was cheating on me with another woman. It was an extremely painful experience, and yet, if I hadn’t gone through that, I wouldn’t be doing the work I’m doing now. Helping women get to the other side of their profound pain – transforming it into peace and finding joy again is my passion and purpose.
Without experiencing the pain of my ex-husband’s actions and the subsequent ending of my marriage, I wouldn’t have realized my purpose.
Let Go and Let Gratitude
Energy cannot flow when you hold on to something tightly, and that includes harsh feelings that prevent forgiveness. When you release those feelings, energy can flow! Love can come in! Gratitude will flood your body!
This week, I challenge you to take on gratitude and forgiveness in a new way: is there someone out there who needs your forgiveness?
I challenge you to reach out to that person, either by writing a letter, calling them, or communicating with them through the ethers. Make the choice to let go of whatever they did or didn’t do and allow the gratitude to flow. A key piece of this will be deeply tuning into whatever it is about them that you can appreciate, whether it was a tough lesson they taught you, or even this process of learning to forgive.
If you’d like help tapping into your gratitude and forgiveness, it would be my honor. Schedule a private session with me today by clicking HERE.
Forgiveness…is one of those practices that is easier said than done…would you agree?
Ever wonder why forgiving is such a tough thing to do, especially when we most likely know that forgiveness puts us on the road to more love and freedom?
Primarily, it’s because many of us equate forgiveness with allowing or letting someone off the hook for wrongdoing. We think that by forgiving someone, we’re saying that what they did was okay.
Forgiveness can look like we’re condoning the other person’s behavior. It’s easy to get caught up in the thought, “Why should I forgive? What was done to me was wrong/horrible/unforgivable! He/she doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.”
And I get it, I was in that space when I was married and discovered my husband was cheating. But here’s the thing – forgiveness is more about YOU than the other person.
Leading prosperity expert, Catherine Ponder, has a great quote supporting this truth,
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
So, in actuality, when we are able to forgive, we release ourselves from the bondage of the anger, hurt, resentment and possibly deep-seated pain we carry inside. Those feelings can keep us stuck and unable to move forward in our lives. For instance, if a past relationship caused you tremendous pain, you may be unconsciously sabotaging potential new relationships because you’re emotionally unavailable as you try to protect yourself against further hurt. By not being able to release and let go of what happened in the past, you keep yourself closed off from the love, joy and happiness you most desire.
How can you move on without believing you’re condoning what’s happened in the past?
Here’s an important question for you…..
Do you say no when you need or want to say no? Or do you find yourself caving to everyone’s requests and demands and then feeling exhausted and resentful?
Are you the life support system to everyone around you? Be it your kids, your boss, your partner, your friends – letting all of them run you? If so you are definitely not alone lovely!
If this is you, It’s time to learn how to set some boundaries beautiful – and take back your power!
Perhaps you’re a perfectionist, people-pleaser or hard on yourself – and if that’s the case, you are going to have to stretch yourself a bit because it may feel uncomfortable at first. However, it will absolutely lead you to a happier, healthier life of emotional freedom.
You may also be like a lot of the people I work with (myself included) and want microwave results. I totally get it, once you decide you want change you want to see instant results. Here’s the thing about that – there is no such thing as instant boundaries – it’s a process. Performance and emotional research has found there is a process of steps involved that bring us this growth. It doesn’t happen overnight.
If you’re a gardener you know you can’t make flowers grow overnight – you have to plant the seed, water, nurture and wait – it takes a season. The same is true with any new behavior you want to adopt or any change you want to make. You have to have a season mentality.
You might be thinking, how do you even set a boundary? Maybe it feels scary or daunting. Well good news doll – there are defined steps you can take to help you start setting your boundaries now and I am thrilled to share them with you!
Let’s take a look at them now so you can start to create a healthier life with more ease and grace!
Here are the 9 steps necessary to create successful boundaries (according to Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend). AND all the steps are necessary – you can’t skip a step lovely!
#1 Identify the sickness – where do you feel that things are going awry? And sometimes we can’t identify this – and if that’s the case ask friends or family or a professional – some outside eyes that can see things more clearly and help you see where your life is out of control.
#2 Connections – we need people around us to support us in this process. People who tell you it’s ok to say no! People who love you, and want you to have freedom. A cool support system that celebrates your growth! If you don’t have this, seek a pastor or a coach.
#3 Receive the good – all the Ingredients that others can give you – things like grace, validation of your feelings, understanding your feelings, empathy, encouragement, truth. Your safe friends give you these ingredients but you may need to ask for them – don’t just expect others to read your mind. Asking can be hard or embarrassing but your support system would love to be there for you!
#4 Identify the root of grief – asking yourself, how did I get here? This nice person who is always trying to make others happy? I didn’t come out of the womb this way! You have to look into your family of origin – mom, dad, siblings – did they say it was ok for me to be angry, ok to make a choice? Also look at significant relationships like teachers and coaches and friends. We are the product of the people we hang out with. Then you have to learn how to grieve and let go, feel the pain of it and walk away.
#5 Forgiveness – after you grieve you want to say, “I cancel the debt with all the people who didn’t allow me to say no or have choices or hurt me when I tried to make choices.” We may have resentment or want to get even but it’s in your highest interest to let it go. You don’t have to love, like or trust them (because trust is earned), but you have to say, “you don’t owe me anything. You broke my boundary line but I’m going to fix it. I am letting it go.” Be the person who forgives.
#6 Take ownership – this means saying, “this is my burden. Learning boundaries is my burden”. Get out of the blame game. Avoid saying to others, “you don’t listen to me or respect me” because you know what? The truth is they aren’t listening or showing respect because they don’t feel the need to. Actually they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to do. Going into blame escalates the situation. Instead just say, “no you don’t have to do this but here’s what will happen if you choose not to___________(fill in the blank).
#7 Say no to the bad – now you can set your boundaries. However you don’t want to test the waters first with the person who is your biggest nemesis. Start with someone you trust. Make it something small like, “I don’t want to go to that restaurant, or I don’t like cream in my coffee I prefer it black, or I don’t like your tone of voice, or I don’t want to spend the money this way I would like to have a choice here.” Get your feet wet with someone you already have a safe or secure relationship with.
#8 Failure – hallelujah for failure! You have a learned behavior of giving, giving, giving so doing something different is going to feel uncomfortable and you are going to slip up as you learn this new skill. Don’t be afraid of failure. Practice, practice, practice! There is grace for your failings. Remember, failure is learning. Don’t let perfectionism take over. You will be clunky – don’t let that get you off track! Have good people around you that will be there to help dust you off and get back up.
#9 Return to step #1 – we are layered like onions and there is always opportunity to grow. As you age you become a different person due to all your experiences. So for example things might be better now in your relationship but now it’s about your career. That means you are going deeper into that onion – peeling another layer off – we always have layers to work on.
What generally happens for people is that when you are first working on boundaries you might be putting out fires or crises and start to get some stability. After these are all under control ask God to search your heart and do some internal work – like the fears, pain and hurt – this is when the real work begins. That’s the pay off! Creating boundaries with Self will get you where you want to go and bring you the greatest transformation.
Believing in you! You can do this beautiful!
Last week we talked about solutions and reflections on being blind-sided in a relationship. You read my 7 “takes-two-to-tango” behaviors that created crumbs and added to the demise of my marriage. Many of you emailed sharing your light bulb moments and how these realizations had changed your perspective on your relationships. Receiving your messages brought such joy to my heart I want you to know I am celebrating YOU and looooove hearing about your growth!
Speaking of growth, let’s dig into another layer. Are you in? Remember, love, peace and freedom are on the other side!
Good for you if you are still reading! That means you understand if you want to get different results in your life you have to look within – in all area’s of your life.
So let’s start excavating!
This is for all you ladies who have ever found yourself in a situation with a partner where things have suddenly changed, make no sense and you feel confused and uncomfortably disconnected. He says he loves you but he’s not in love with you anymore and needs some space…away from you. Ugghhhh – like daggers to the heart.
You’re totally taken by surprise because you are certain you’ve done everything right and everything was fine up until this “out of the blue” blow blindsided you.
You tell your friends and family and they’re shocked because you had this “seemingly” great relationship and it’s everyone’s opinion, including yours, that this is clearly all about HIS issues. It’s obvious this has nothing to do with you and so you sit and wait, and wait, and wait (feeling very dis-empowered and frustrated) for him to figure things out and change.
Have you ever been there? Or maybe it’s happening now? If you are still reading, I’m guessing it has, and it’s no fun. Trust me I know because it happened to me and over the last decade I’ve spoken to thousands of women who this has happened to too. Without question, it’s heartbreaking.
Some of you may be shocked by what you’re about to read next…
Some of you may be shocked by what you’re about to read next- and may not like it -because it’s uncomfortable or painful or something you don’t want to admit or look at, but it’s a truth that will ultimately help you move forward. Here it is ladies…relationships are never one-sided. It always takes two to tango. As hard as that is to hear, and as justified as you may feel denying it, it’s an indisputable truth.
You might be having some choice thoughts about me right now, and that’s ok, I get it – I’ve been there, believe me, I know how you feel. When someone has disconnected from you, maybe betrayed you, lied to you, broken your trust and hurt you it’s super easy to point the finger of blame and focus all your attention on him and what he’s done.
However, a wise woman once said to me, every time you point a finger at someone else, remember you’ve got three pointing back at yourself.
Wow that’s a hard pill to swallow, especially when you feel like the victim, right?
But here’s how it goes – when you are drunk with denial, there comes that inevitable moment when the truth finds you and smacks you sober. This is exactly what happened to me. And as awful as this awakening was, it was truly a blessing in disguise.
When you’re able to take a nanosecond break from blaming him guess what can happen? A surprising sliver of enlightenment will slip in. It was a HUGE “aha” for me – I started to see my dirty laundry, what MY part was in this life-changing reality.
Here are the top 7 “takes two to tango” behaviors that contributed to the demise of my marriage:
- I was controlling
- I was “the fixer”
- Rarely set boundaries and if I did, I didn’t enforce the consequences
- Allowed a lot of his poor behavior to be swept under the carpet.
- Always “the planner”
- Leaned way more into the male role than the feminine (easy to do as a mom or career gal)
- Complained when my expectations weren’t met
And yet by doing all these things I thought I was doing all the right things – sound familiar?
I had no clue I had usurped his masculinity. Wow that was a shocking revelation. Some of you may relate to this and perhaps find yourself engaging in some of these behaviors too. Let’s face it, women are so capable and we step in for various reasons but it can be to our detriment – especially in a heterosexual relationship.
Or maybe nothing from this list describes you – in that case I invite you to ask yourself this question:
“In what way have I contributed to this situation?”
Listen for the answer. If you are having a hard time figuring it out – take the elevator in your mind to a higher power – whatever that is for you – God/The Infinite/Source – and ask the above question. You will get an answer.
I share this with you in the hopes it will save you days, weeks, months, even years of pain. If you’re willing to open to the possibility that you have or had (this can help with past relationships too) a part in your relationship changing it will catapult your healing and understanding of the situation.
Because the truth is you can never change the other person, you can only change yourself – that’s where your point of power lays. What I know is this is the BEST way to shift the dynamics of your partnership. If you’re in, commit to taking your focus off your partner and shine the light of awareness on your own beautiful Self. Empowerment and happiness awaits you – I promise:)