If you long to hear the words, “I love you,” you will be surprised to learn that touching is what will actually propel your relationship into the intimacy you desire. You see words are processed in the thinking part of your brain whereas touch goes directly to your emotional centers. Read on to learn six simple ways to touch.
Regular touching of your lover as well as your own beautiful body gets the endorphins flowing, which create a sense of caring and pleasure, plus help to calm the stresses of the day.
Touching communicates love and sadly we are a touch-starved society.
In the 1960’s a study showed the drastic differences in cultures by observing how many touches were exchanged with pairs of people around the world in coffee houses. Americans adhered to a strict diet touching only twice within an hour while Puerto Ricans got the prize touching 180 times an hour. The deprivation of touch may manifest as depression, anxiety, irritability, boredom, pain, moodiness as well as make you feel separate, lonely and isolated. Touching allows you to move into sacred space, creating presence and connection. And yet, we are a touch starved society.
So many women complain that their relationships lack intimacy. We are born with an intense skin hunger. The emotional development of babies depends on tons of touching and as adults we have a strong need to be held in someone’s arms, hold hands, be cuddled, be caressed, etc. However, most people don’t touch as often as they would like – afraid of being rejected, seen as needy or vulnerable they cover their need for intimacy with work, activities, TV food, drugs, alcohol.
The first step to developing a successful, intimate relationship with your partner is to first build intimacy with yourself. Exploring every delicious curve of your body will help you get to know what you like and what makes you feel good.
Once you’ve got this down, you can reach out to your partner with confidence and create the closeness you crave.
With all these fantastic reasons to bring touch into relationships let’s take a look at 6 ways you can incorporate touch into your life.
– Initiate an intimate connection to yourself by putting on some soft tunes, lighting a candle, laying down, closing your eyes and letting you hands glide over your body, touching every delicious curve in a sacred non-sexual way. Appreciate your body and connect to your senses.
– You can enhance creating an intimate connection to yourself by using an aromatherapy lotion or essential oil with a sexy scent like ylang-ylang or rose. Let your sensual Self expand!
– Hugging increases closeness, connection and safety. Make sure it is a full body hug so you can feel the heart beat of the person you’re embracing.
– Kissing – raise his testosterone levels with a 20 second kiss and it will make you feel more connected.
– Massage – the shoulders, hands and feet get emotionally stimulated when touched. New York-based sex therapist Mildred Witkin, suggests couples should practice touching in a way that is not explicitly sexual to keep intimacy and playfulness alive.
– Dance classes are a great way to meet new people and have your hand and waist held all evening long. Contact your local YMCA or dance studio for schedules.
Follow these six steps to increase touching and you’ll soon be building the connection and intimacy you desire.
I met a man through an
online dating site and right from the start we found that we had a lot in
common. We had a great first date that lasted about 10 hours and a second date
that was for a weekend. We talk/email/text every day. The two main
challenges that I am facing are that he lives 3 hours away and not being
sure where we stand as far as dating other people. Since we haven’t had
“the talk” I am going to assume that we are free to date others, but
how do I ask him about this. You would think at 41 I could do this, but I
feel like a teenager in this situation after having been out of the dating
world for 20 years.
Thanks…Long Distance Lover
Dear Long Distance Lover,
Thank you for your question- I think it’s one that
many people can relate to. I
myself had a long distance relationship so I am definitely familiar with this
I can appreciate the instant rapport and feeling of comfort
with the familiarity but due to the distance, I see this as a challenge. In response to your dilemma’s I would
offer this advice:
I have lost connection with my boyfriend, how can I
reconnect with him?
Thanks…Lonely in Loveland
Dear Lonely in Loveland,
Thank you for your question…not knowing your current status I
am going to base my answer on the assumption you are still in a relationship
with your boyfriend but feeling disconnected.
First of all when men get in a comfortable space they feel
free to get back to their life – not giving you the attention they first did to
“win” your heart. This doesn’t mean they’ve lost interest it just means…
feel safe to go off and focus on other things. He may not be giving you the
compliments he was initially, touching you as often, or making you feel
“special.” Women tend to interpret this behavior as disconnected.
Another scenario is that you have BOTH gotten comfortable
and are giving more attention to your own needs and ambitions – forgetting to
water your garden.
Either way you sense a distance and as women we are very
sensitive to this shift in energy. But rather than focus on the lack you are
experiencing I suggest you try one of these three tips to reconnect:
Do you crave more intimacy in your life? What if I gave you some relationship advice that would guarantee instant intimacy – would you put it into action? Fabulous, I knew you were up for it! Here we go…
Full body hug – none of this barely touching, Howard Hughes hugging. No, no, no. You’ve got to engage in a front on, full body hug – where you really hold each other, smell each other and feel each other’s heart beat. The nurturing and caring involved in this embrace will slow you down enough to open the heart and relax into an intimate moment. Who knows where it might lead:-)
A 20 second sexy smooch – this is an unexpected 20 second kiss – so maybe lay it on your man just before he leaves for work – this will definitely get his juices flowing and you can bet he will not be working overtime tonight. Your sensual kiss will be lingering on his mind all day – he’ll be counting the moments till he can walk through the door and ravish you! Be ready!
Zip it – ok gals I know how much we love to talk and share but when your man comes home at night, let him unwind and get settled before you bombard him with the day’s events. Whether that means 15 minutes or an hour you’ll know, he’ll give you the cue. He’ll appreciate the down time and be much more available to listen to you which will make you feel valued and far more connected. Win/win:-)
There you go – put this relationship advice into action and you’ll have instant intimacy!
Is your life so crazy you can’t carve out enough time for
you and your man to get cozy? In today’s fast paced world it can be challenging
to find the time to just hang out together. And then when you do your mind is
racing with all that you have to do. If this describes your relationship you
may want to take a look at these suggestions for simplifying your life to
create more “hang with my honey” time.
Gabbing – many people spend so much time
talking about how they have no time that they could actually accomplish quite a
bit with the time they spend venting. Make a game out of it and notice how
often you get to gabbing about your “to do” list.
Create Boundaries – we all have those friends or colleagues that can talk till the cows come home. Put some boundaries on your conversations by letting them know up front how much time you’ve got – that way it won’t seem rude when you excuse yourself and you won’t be cutting out precious time with your man who’s waiting for you.
Email – wow can these ever suck you in and waste your time! If you are spending more than 10 minutes in the morning and 10 in the afternoon or evening on personal emails it’s too much. Wouldn’t you rather be cuddling on the couch with your hot blooded man than sitting in front of cyberspace?
Create a Mind Mantra: “I have all the time I need to get everything done I need to.” Seems simple I know, but by saying this you’ll be sending out the intention to the universe and things will beautifully align to support your mantra and create more time for you!
When you follow these suggestions you will create more time for the important things in your life – joy, love and personal space.
Touch Me Tender
Although most women like to hear the words, “I love you,”
from their man, more important for your relationship is touch. Words are
processed in the thinking part of your brain whereas touching goes directly to
your emotional centers.
So it makes sense that it’s far more important to touch to
keep the connected bonded feelings going.
Regular touching not only helps to calm the stresses of the
day, but adds a sense of caring and pleasure as it gets the endorphins flowing
As part of your relationship romance plan set time aside every
day to do at least one of the following: