How to Add Va-voom to your V-day!

vday picDo you wish your Valentine’s Day was a bit… more?

Are you craving more excitement, romance and passion in your relationship?

If you’re feeling underwhelmed by your romantic life (especially at this time of year) you aren’t alone.

Valentine’s Day is a holiday that puts a big spotlight on your love life. It can be daunting to realize that the once hot passion in your romance has cooled to a semi-happy ambivalence.

According to Pamela Haag, who has written a rather shocking book on modern marriage called Marriage Confidential, there is an uncertainty lurking just below the surface of many of today’s marriages. Haag’s research reveals that even though couples may rarely fight and may even maintain a sincere affection for each other, one or both may harbor a sobering sense that something important is missing.

If your partner feels more like a roommate than a lover, is it too late for you? Even if you are in what Haag calls a “Tom Sawyer” marriage where you are the career focused go-getter and your partner is retired, relaxed and disconnected from your efforts, I believe that you can recharge your relationship with the right tools.  Click here to read the full blog and equip yourself with those tools!

Are You Lonely In Love? 4 Steps to Reconnect!

Screen shot 2014-02-04 at 10.24.19 AMSometimes love gets lonely. Even in the best relationship, you can occasionally feel alone and isolated. That sense of separateness can feel like a canyon dividing you’re relationship.

Are you sitting home with your partner, night after night, feeling lonelier than if you actually lived on your own? Do you long for the past when you and your honey were so connected you couldn’t wait to be with each other and share every detail of your day? Are you puzzled trying to remember how and when the disconnection began?

Although we might believe marriage or partnership can insulate us from feelings of loneliness, this is not the case. Loneliness is determined by the quality of our relationships not by simply being in a relationship. Loneliness in relationships often happens slowly, as the disconnection we feel from our partner gradually increases over years.

At some point, discussions about mutual interests, goals and dreams, stop entirely and conversations become purely transactional (e.g., “We need milk,” or “Did you remember to pay the water bill?”), or focused exclusively on the children.

We can also fall into daily routines that create both physical and emotional distance. For example, one person watches television in the den while the other is in the office on the computer. In short, we lose the love and the affection but we stay in the relationship creating the feeling of being lonely in love.

So, what is the real reason we become disconnected and lonely?

Here’s a hint – disconnect happens when you start living from your head instead of your heart.

It’s easy to slip into this scenario – he says something that hurts your feelings and suddenly you don’t feel so free to share your inner thoughts. That is when the wall goes up that blocks out love and connection.

If you’ve been lonely in love, you don’t need to accept your isolated situation. There are steps you can take to remove the blocks to connection and regain intimacy you once had with your partner.

Here are 4 Steps to Rekindle Love:

1. Take the initiative. If you’re lonely, chances are your partner is lonely too. You may both feel trapped in an unhealthy cycle of emotional disconnect. Take the reins and initiate a conversation for connection. Ask them for their views about something they care about and make sure to demonstrate you’re listening. Validate their thoughts and emotions. Don’t expect them to reciprocate right away, as habits take time to change. With time, they’re likely to warm up to your new found interest in connecting and reciprocate the attention.

2. Create shared experiences. Think back to the type of activities you used to enjoy together and make a list of things you and your partner can do together. Having trouble? You can start by suggesting activities that require little effort (which will minimize objections) such as taking a walk around the block or in the park, cooking a meal together, or watching a movie together. Take time to reminisce by watching your wedding video together (reminding yourselves of more connected times). Sharing pleasant experiences together is a sure fire way to bring back connection!

3. Practice patience and forgiveness. Chances are your partner won’t always do or say exactly what you expect them to. Be patient, understanding and forgiving. Remember your goal is to rekindle the love and not to focus on every transgression! Expressing more sympathy and understanding toward them will deepen your mutual bond.

4. Focus on the positive. Your thoughts are creating an energy in your relationship that can be felt as your “vibe”. If you’ve been focusing on everything that’s wrong with your relationship, chances are you’ve had a bad vibe and have been unhappy. Make efforts to shift your focus to the positive. Think about the things you love about your partner and the aspects of your relationship that you appreciate. Try writing your partner a love letter or simply make a list of all the reasons you married your spouse. These simple affirmative acts, practiced often, will help your union thrive.

Practicing these 4 steps will move you to a more loving state and can pave the way to a happier more connected relationship.

 

5 Tips to Open Your Heart and Invite Love In

Open HeartHave you unknowingly closed off your heart creating a barricade against love?

We all want to experience true connected love. Being in a healthy, loving relationship is a rewarding and fulfilling life experience. But sometimes, without even realizing it, women can close off their heart and block out love.

How does this happen?

To find out how you may be unconsciously blocking love and to learn powerful secrets to remove your blocks and invite love in… read the full article here.

 

 

How Touching, Intimacy & Connection = I Love You

If you long to hear the words, “I love you,” you will be surprised to learn that touching is what will actually propel your relationship into the intimacy you desire. You see words are processed in the thinking part of your brain whereas touch goes directly to your emotional centers. Read on to learn six simple ways to touch.

Regular touching of your lover as well as your own beautiful body gets the endorphins flowing, which create a sense of caring and pleasure, plus help to calm the stresses of the day.

Touching  communicates love and sadly we are a touch-starved society.

In the 1960’s a study showed the drastic differences in cultures by observing how many touches were exchanged with pairs of people around the world in coffee houses. Americans adhered to a strict diet touching only twice within an hour while Puerto Ricans got the prize touching 180 times an hour. The deprivation of touch may manifest as depression, anxiety, irritability, boredom, pain, moodiness as well as make you feel separate, lonely and isolated.  Touching allows you to move into sacred space, creating presence and connection. And yet, we are a touch starved society.

So many women complain that their relationships lack intimacy. We are born with an intense skin hunger. The emotional development of babies depends on tons of touching and as adults we have a strong need to be held in someone’s arms, hold hands, be cuddled, be caressed, etc. However, most people don’t touch as often as they would like – afraid of being rejected, seen as needy or vulnerable they cover their need for intimacy with work, activities, TV food, drugs, alcohol.

The first step to developing a successful, intimate relationship with your partner is to first build intimacy with yourself. Exploring every delicious curve of your body will help you get to know what you like and what makes you feel good.

Once you’ve got this down, you can reach out to your partner with confidence and create the closeness you crave.

With all these fantastic reasons to bring touch into relationships let’s take a look at 6 ways you can incorporate touch into your life.

– Initiate an intimate connection to yourself by putting on some soft tunes, lighting a candle, laying down, closing your eyes and letting you hands glide over your body, touching every delicious curve in a sacred non-sexual way. Appreciate your body and connect to your senses.

– You can enhance creating an intimate connection to yourself by using an aromatherapy lotion or essential oil with a sexy scent like ylang-ylang or rose. Let your sensual Self expand!

– Hugging increases closeness, connection and safety. Make sure it is a full body hug so you can feel the heart beat of the person you’re embracing.

– Kissing – raise his testosterone levels with a 20 second kiss and it will make you feel more connected.

– Massage – the shoulders, hands and feet get emotionally stimulated when touched. New York-based sex therapist Mildred Witkin, suggests couples should practice touching in a way that is not explicitly sexual to keep intimacy and playfulness alive.

– Dance classes are a great way to meet new people and have your hand and waist held all evening long. Contact your local YMCA or dance studio for schedules.

Follow these six steps to increase touching and you’ll soon be building the connection and intimacy you desire.

What’s in a Smile?

“A smile on the face is a sign that the heart is at home.” Anonymous

The easiest way to invite fantastic opportunities into your life is to smile ( it’s also the best way to flip your mood from sour to sizzling!). As outlined in my earlier post, S.P.A.R.K.L.E. will take the sludge off your shine, open your heart and create connection in a nano second. This is the first of a 7 part series illuminating the specific ways you can get your sparkle on!

To begin with, let’s talk about smiling…
Smiling lights you up from the inside out. No matter what you look like flashing your pearly whites will always make you sparkle and your eyes twinkle. And it’s the quickest way to communicate your joy, happiness, love, friendliness and approachability.

On the flirtatious side, a smile is equivalent to a feminine lair—inviting a man into your space.

Universally, your smile has the ability to turn somebody’s day around.

Make it a part of your day, every day and you’ll see instant changes that you will love.

Smiling is always a win-win:-)

Relationship Harmony – How to Deal with Bad Moods

Ever walked into a hornet’s nest or wall of woe in your relationship? I think most of us have – you’re in a decent if not great mood and when you walk thru the door you’re greeted with “the mood-breaker” – geez! Your first reaction is to spew back and match the vibe but what does that get you? A lost evening of pleasure and much anxiety.

Sometimes easier said than done to be the brighter light in your relationship but if you can transcend those tempting urges to fight back you will be loving life. I belong to a group on FaceBook called The Face of Love, run by Nick Rolls and this is an affirmation he recently sent out addressing this “mood” challenge…very wise words, I must say…

“I love and accept people for who they are… I remain switched on to love and light even if another is in a dark place. I know that I am strong enough in love not to allow others’ moods to bring me down. If I see the light in others I know I can be kind and compassionate enough to help them switch their own light switch on. And sensible enough to keep my own switched on.”

Thank you Nick! We love your extraordinary wisdom!!

How do you respond when faced with a “bad mood”?



Embracing a New Chapter of Life

Whooohooo birthday bash! Here I am celebrating with my life long gal pals in Ojai-they spoiled and pampered me with spa treatments, fabulous food ( check out the peanut butter/chocolate birthday torte – sumptuous!!) and loving friendship (the best gift of all!).

I thought I would be depressed about turning the big “5-0” but nothing could be further from the truth….I woke up feeling zippy, happy and blessed to be alive – to have lived to see 50…what fabulous experiences I’ve had thus far. I can’t wait to see what this new chapter and decade will bring…such a privilege to be on this planet!!

Feeling this way helped me get it – see the truth…life…a good life…is purely about perspective and attitude – looking at life as a gift puts the spring in your step and the sparkle in your eye, ALL day, EVERY day!

My  five favorite birthday gifts:

1) Gratitude- give thanks for everything in life, all experiences (good and bad – how else do you grow??)

2) Love – Family, friends  and Self… nothing trumps this connection.

3) Health – a positive mind and outlook keep the body feeling fantastic!

4) Adventure – makes you feel ALIVE!

5) Grace – the beauty and blessings of life!

50 does feel like the new 30 – nothing like a birthday to make you live life to the fullest with total appreciation – Yes!!!

Relationship Problems: Is Your Heart Chakra Happy?

Are your chakras causing relationship problems? You may be thinking “chakra what?” And then doubly curious what it
means to make it happy. If this is you – no worries! Many people are
unaware of the chakra system that lives inside and guides us.

First off, look at the diagram to the left – you’ll see there are 7 chakras going
from the base of our spine to the crown of our head.  These are energy
centers that receive, assimilate and express our life force.

These
energy vortexes interact with our psyche and if we have polluted
thoughts these sites become

clogged or stuck and impede the natural flow of energy – in other words we become out of alignment with who we really are.
The heart chakra
has to do with self-acceptance, self-love and the ability to love
others.
If you have unresolved pain from past issues of the heart or your current relationship is disappointing and less than luscious at the moment you will find that you are out of balance and the goal is to get back to a healthy loving state.
Ask yourself these questions to figure out if your heart chakra needs some help:
1) Do you love yourself?
2) Are you able to forgive past hurts from others?
3) Do you carry a lot of grief in your heart?
If the answer is yes to any of the above then include these affirmations in your daily health regime:
1) “I am worthy of love”
2) “I release my pain and forgive the past.  I am free to love.”
3) ” I am loving to myself and others.”
Take action to improve your heart chakra by:
1) Singing.
2) Playing with a child or pet.
3) Taking a walk in nature.
4) Figuring out what brings you joy and happiness and doing it!
5) Phoning or spending time with someone you love.
Tuning
up your chakras is no different than tuning up your car. Just as a car
experiences wear and tear so does the human body. Our bodies and
emotions are challenged with stress daily – it makes sense we would
need to do something to bring ourselves back into harmonious alignment.
So do something daily to nurture your heart so that it consistently sings sweetly:-)